Unbecoming
by BookishQua
Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. There is NO CHEATING in this story by E or B. AH BxE
1. Chapter 1

**Unbecoming Chapter One**

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. AH ExB

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**AN: There is no cheating in this story. **This story deals with the sensitive subject matter of the impact of a miscarriage on a relationship and may be a trigger for some. Please rest assured that I have taken great care to handle this issue as delicately as possible and though the journey that these characters are taking is intense and emotional, I promise that it will be worth it in the end. I believe in HEA's. I usually write AU, so writing AH is an adventure for me. I will do my best to update once a week.

Many thanks to LJ Summers and prettyflour for the beta skills. And free offerings of snark. Thanks to KristinHazzard, Twilover76, EternalSummer79, MuttNFeathers, Mamabean30, perrymaxwell, Detochkina, and pomme_de_terre for pre-reading. Thanks as well to GinnyW_31 for the consulting and advice.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter at BookishQua. I tweet when I update or post teasers. I also don't bite. Much.

Thanks for reading! - Books

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><p><em>Thump-thump<em>

It happens in the blink of an eye. The rebel soldier grabs the young boy by the upper arm and begins to yank him from his wailing mother. She hangs onto her son with emaciated arms and the little boy is stretched between them like a wishbone about to snap, too afraid to cry. There are five other soldiers making their way through our camp, scavenging for food and new recruits. They prefer to take young children. I've seen this happen more times than I can count in the past six months. We are unarmed aid workers. We've been instructed not to interfere.

This time is different: I know the little boy. His name is Peter. I've been teaching him how to read, and I'm not letting him go quietly. Without hesitation, I grab a warm rock from the ground and wrap my fingers around it until my knuckles are white.

My eyes burn. I am running on fumes; I am so tired. I can't remember the last time I slept. Sweat trickles down my forehead and I wipe it before it runs into my eyes. The heat is merciless as I stand in a crowd of refugees watching the last of the food disappear into desperate hands. Alec, our doctor, shakes his head in frustration from his position by the supply truck. He apologizes in French as he tells the crowd we have no more food. We are short, again, and the ones that go hungry try to console their crying children. I can feel every inch of my skin as adrenaline fuels my rage. As Peter wails in fright, I release the rock in my hand to fly through the scorching fetid air.

_Thump-thump_

My heart is beating so fast from fear I can feel it in my throat. I'm surprised the refugees packed around me can't hear it.

_Thump-thump_

The rock makes contact, breaking cartilage, drawing first blood. I grin and hurl another. Jasper had taught me how to throw a fastball. He'd be so horrified to see me right now. Oddly enough, that sentiment cheers me.

_Thump-thump_

When it happens, the sound is deafening. I see people covering their ears and diving for the ground. My aim was true. The second rock I flung hit the soldier in his forearm, causing his gun to shift position away from the little boy he had targeted.

_Thump-thump_

Peter cries, "Miss Bella!"

Knowing I have but seconds, I yank Peter away from his captor and toss him at his sobbing mother.

"Run!" I hiss.

I don't need to tell her twice. She doesn't speak English, but we both understand the universal dialect of a mother's terror for her child. The woman dives into the crowd vanishing in a sea of angry faces. I turn around to face my enemy. It seems I've sparked a rebellion of my own as the crowd starts baying for blood.

My shoulder burns and I'm jerked back, almost as if someone snuck up behind me and tied ropes around my torso and yanked when I didn't expect it. I hear screaming and wailing and more gunshots, this time from behind. The ground rushes up to meet me as my head smacks on a rock so hard I bite my tongue and feel the blood rush into my mouth. My head is numb at first, then the pain is transmitted by my screaming nerve endings and I can barely move my body hurts so bad. I am sprawled face down on the barren ground.

_Thump-thump_

Using the earth as my pillow, I close my eyes and see his smiling face. It's our wedding day in my mind. He's so handsome standing there in his tux - his green eyes shining. He knows I'm nervous coming down the aisle, terrified to be in front of so many people. But I do it for him. For my family. To give them the wedding that they want. For me - I would have been perfectly fine eloping.

He whispers, "You did it, Sunshine! You make me proud! God, I love you."

I can see his face light up with joy when I lift my veil and take his hand. The minister pronounces us man and wife. Despite the crowd around us, my love pulls me into a passionate kiss. My whole being is captivated by his kiss. I want it to never end.

"Edward," I manage to whisper.

_Thump-thump_

My heart is slowing as my blood soaks the dry earth. Death comes on winged feet after I've waited for it so impatiently.

Alec's firm hands touch me, and carefully turn me over. Instead of screaming in pain, I grit my teeth and pant.

His eyes are intense. He growls, "Bella, I need you to stay awake."

I smile as if he told a hilarious joke. "Bye."

When I'd first met Alec, I had thought his golden curls made him look like an angel. Silly me, he ended up being my own Angel of Death. I'm tugged into a pool of blackness and stretch out my arms to meet the sky. Edward's face is the last thing I see.

I dreamed of our wedding. How proud our parents looked as we stood under a canopy of pink and white roses to have our portrait taken. So many important people were milling around and watching us. The pressure made me a nervous wreck.

"I love you, Bella. You're doing fine," Edward murmured in my ear and rubbed my shoulders. I remembered how gentle he was with me that night, helping me out of the dozens of buttons on my wedding dress. I had been so scared that with my virginal fumbling I wouldn't be able to make him happy. He was, after all, older than I. And he had made me feel so loved, so cherished in his arms, the rest of the world melted away.

"You are my everything," he vowed as the sun rose and my eyes drooped after the wedding night of my dreams had come true.

"I love you." I told him back as I cuddled in his arms.

Eleven-year-old Edward took one look at me the day the Cullens brought me home and quietly informed his mother, "She cannot be my sister. I'm going to marry her." He went back to reading his comic book as if he had commented on the weather. Somehow, I just knew I loved him and that he was mine. I never questioned it. Edward never wasted time with the other girls that threw themselves at him, much to their dismay. Our parents were mystified by the whole thing. They expected one of us to grow out of it. He was my first everything. First love, first kiss, first time making love, and ultimately, my first heartbreak.

The rest becomes confusing in a blur of pain. I remember the pain in my chest caused by the jostling of my body when the jeep drives over ruts and rocks. Alec is saying something to me, and my arm burns. Lights shine into my face later, and Alec is still talking to me. I have no idea what he is saying. Someone slips something cold over my face and I'm running into the darkness to find shelter in Edward's strong arms again.

The beeping and hissing of machines jarred me back to life. I came to consciousness, kicking and dragging my heels like a temperamental toddler the entire way. My teeth chattered in the cold of the room as I awoke staring at a blue blur. I just wanted to go back to that dark warm place in my mind and sleep. Everything seemed out of focus, like I was someone caught without wearing glasses. I wiped at my eyes with a shaky hand and realized I was staring at a picture of a beach that had been taped to the ceiling.

Ouch. That hurt. Moving my head, that is. It felt like someone beat a crowbar against the back of my skull.

Disappointment warred with confusion as I took in my surroundings. I thought I had died. Where the hell am I? I sniffed and smelled institutional laundry soap coming from the thin gown that cheerily waved at me from across my chest. My worldly possessions were in a small battered silver suitcase by the window that I never bothered to unpack.

What was it that I was trying to figure out?

Oh. Another hospital. Lovely. My head throbbed so hard that it hurt to think. I vaguely remembered a series of disjointed images. I saw screaming women and children. I felt the muscles strain in my arm as I threw a really big rock in the face of a screeching rebel soldier who had been trying to steal Peter from his mother. Then I recalled a burning pain in my shoulder, more shouting, frantic orders from Alec, our doctor, and then nothing. I had come so close and had failed. Again.

From looking out the window, I could see I was back in the States in a town I had hoped never to see again. How did I end up here, in my own personal hell? I didn't even want to think about how long I'd been unconscious. Or what the bill for transporting me all the way from Africa was going to be.

I heard a throat clear off to my right and noticed a small blond woman with a clipboard in her hands watching me. She looked like something out of central casting for a horror movie: a perfect angel with a demon's smirk. It would not surprise me if she felt called to healthcare because she liked seeing people in pain. Her nametag said, "Jane." She had scrubs on with a top that looked like it was covered with confetti.

"Miss Swan, welcome home." She crinkled her nose as if I were a patient faking an injury. "How are you feeling?" Her pen flew as she recorded my vitals.

"Like I've been shot twice. How did I get here?"

"Good one," Jane smirked. "You were flown in from Germany."

"How did I get there? I was in Africa?"

"You were flown to Germany for your first surgery. From there, you came here."

"I don't remember that part."

"I'm not surprised. You're dealing with a head injury too. It's normal to be confused. If you need more pain medication, just press this button."

She turned around and said over her shoulder as she exited, "Oh yeah, there's an annoying doctor who insists on seeing you. We kept him away when you were out of it. Edward something or other."

My heart froze at hearing his name. I schooled my features into a composed mask, doing my best to appear bored. She must be new to town. Everyone knew who_ he_ was.

In what I guessed to be an uncharacteristic act of kindness, Jane allowed me to save face. She ignored the acceleration of my heart on the monitor that proved the lie of my features. Instead, she canted her head to one side and studied me, almost like someone would stare at a painting at a museum.

"You look pretty tired. Want me to tell him to take a hike?"

Briefly, I shut my eyes and prayed for strength. "I have no idea what he wants. But if he insists that he wants to see me, then he'll just ignore you."

She scoffed, "We have ways of dealing with jerks like that. I'll make sure his visit is short."

"Jane, you're new to town, right?"

"Yeah, is it that obvious?"

"His family owns a fifty percent share of this hospital. Tread carefully."

She paused writing and raised her eyebrows. "Noted. Anything else?"

"In the South, you can say anything you want about someone if you say, 'Bless his heart,' in front of it."

Jane laughed. "I'm going to like having you around."

He was notorious for being stubborn. People tolerated his demeanor because: first, he was usually right, and second, he could tell a great joke to smooth ruffled egos.

Jane all but scurried over to peek out the doorway into the hall.

In that moment, my vanity reared her head and roared.

"Wait," I asked. "Do I look as awful as I feel?"

She turned back to face me and grimaced.

"Isabella, I'd brush your hair if I could, but with that concussion, I don't think you could handle it. I can offer you Chapstick. We've got a bunch of samples." She reached into her pocket and held out a tube.

Well, at least my lips would be minty fresh. It wasn't like I had to worry about him kissing me.

I had this sinking feeling erupt in my stomach.

Could someone please just shoot me in the _other_ shoulder? Now? I was so not in the mood, nor was I medicated enough, for this. Courage, after all, was the better part of valor. I didn't mind taking the coward's route. Being brave was exhausting.

Once my heart had soared at the sound of his voice. When we first split, I would have given just about anything to have him back in my life. I would have happily sold my soul. Today, I knew better. Cruel experience had taught me the despair of having hope. If he wanted to see me, it was only to impart some kind of news that would indubitably hurt. They didn't make pain killers to assuage the soul-deep agony of a heart broken beyond repair.

I had fled the continent to escape the pain he'd inflicted, and had done my best to disappear. Over the past months I had become used to not having him in my life, to that ache in my heart where our love used to reside. The certainty of silence offered more comfort at the moment. And my head hurt so much I didn't think I could concentrate regardless. If I saw him, I feared the Old Me would come back - the weak one. I had to stay strong.

Muffled voices that sounded like they argued came from the hallway.

Wasn't I _not_ supposed to feel any pain? I thought that I was drugged to the gills. My eyes wandered, searching for something to divert my attention, when I found a familiar sight. I think Jane said something about it, too. Like an old friend, my only friend, I reached out and touched it reverently.

I pressed that magic button that dispensed my own personal dose of morphine and slid like a thief into sleep. If Edward came in, I had no memory of it. Luck, that capricious wench, for once took my side.

_Of Esme's three children, I and I alone had artistic talent. When I was younger, I used to spend hours drawing things. One of my teachers in elementary school said that I might be quiet, but God had clearly given me another way to speak to the world. When I drew, the world vanished. I had found Edward staring at this one picture in a book. It was a landscape from Ireland. I knew he liked it. So I decided to give it to him for his fifteenth birthday. _

_I was only nine. I had never drawn anything this difficult, but Esme helped me. Secretly, I spent hours working on it, thinking of how excited he would be when I gave it to him. I almost got caught once when he came home from school and found me at the kitchen table putting the finishing touches on it. I quickly flipped the drawing over and pushed it to the side, and worked on my algebra homework. Esme asked me to come help her with dinner. When I came out of the kitchen, I found Jasper grumbling about his calculus homework and showing Edward a problem that he couldn't quite master. _

"_This is a waste of time." Jasper tore his work up into bits and threw them into the air in frustration. I gasped when the paper landed on the table._

"_What the heck is your problem?" Jasper asked._

_I stammered, "My drawing." Esme had always said a lady never makes a scene. So I left the room and went outside to try to calm down. _

"_Jasper, how could you?" I heard Mother say._

"_What is everyone so upset over?"_

"_You ruined Bella's birthday present for Edward."_

_Jasper yelped, "Oh crap."_

_Mother scolded, "Language!"_

"_Jeez, Mom, I didn't know. I just grabbed some scratch paper. Shit. What do I do? I have to leave for practice!"_

_Before I went to bed, I found the drawing leaning against my pillow. Edward must have spent hours gluing it piece by piece to a sheet of black construction paper. The scraps of paper reminded me of tree bark. He left me a note that said, "I'd like your autograph so I can frame this." It hung over his desk from then on, and I loved him for it. _

I thought I tried to wake up a time or two but kept falling back under sleep's spell. I could have sworn I felt him holding my hand. I blamed that on the drugs giving me odd dreams. He hadn't laid a finger on me almost a year.

Pathetically, I had craved his touch. And I had withered like a vine left in the desert's scorching sun when we fell apart. I couldn't help but think of our marriage like the ruins of Pompeii– buried under layers of volcanic ash and sand, silently standing witness to something both vibrant and wonderful that had thrived in its halls -once upon a time.

**More on Edward and Bella coming up in the next chapter. Thanks so much for reading. Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture.**

**There is no adultery in this story. **

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

Many thanks to LJ Summers and prettyflour for the beta skills. And free offerings of snark. Thanks to KristinHazzard, Twilover76, EternalSummer79, MuttNFeathers, Mamabean30, perrymaxwell, Detochkina, and pomme_de_terre for pre-reading. Thanks as well to GinnyW_31 for the consulting and advice.

Feel free to follow me on Twitter at BookishQua. I tweet when I update or post teasers. I also don't bite. Much. I'm on Facebook at Booksgalore (dot) BookishQua.

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><p>I hated hospitals. Bad things usually came from them. I had that dream that had haunted me throughout my childhood. It was Christmas day and my parents were in the bucket seats in front of me, driving in a snow storm. I could see the thick flakes battering the windshield of the car. Papa had both hands on the steering wheel and drove white-knuckled. Momma had her arm resting on his shoulder.<p>

One second I was jubilantly singing _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_, and the next this horn blared and we were turning over and over and I could feel blood on my face and hear Papa yelling. And then I heard nothing at all. I cried for Momma and Papa and they didn't answer. I heard funny sounds coming from them, though. I remember my head hurt so bad that everything around me went black.

I recall waking up in a strange place and hearing a nurse say to another, "Poor mite lost both her parents to a drunk driver. A trucker found the accident and brought her in. Such a shame. She's five."

My fingers found a bandage on my temple.

"Honey, don't touch that, it has to get better. You have stitches."

"Well, let's go." This dour-faced woman barked at me. She reminded me of the monsters in one of my books. "They dragged me out of my warm house on a weekend to get you. I'm not wasting any more of my time than necessary."

I was too afraid to talk. I traced the cast the doctors put on my left arm instead.

"She's with me," a voice of an angel said firmly.

The mean lady said, "I'm Sandy Cope, a social worker. Who are you?"

"I'm her godmother, Esme Cullen. This is my husband, Carlisle. We are now her guardians." She handed a set of papers to the social worker.

"This looks in order. I'll just be on my way." The woman skulked away.

I wanted to go with the nice people. The lady with the pretty hair got down on her knees and looked me in the eye.

"Isabella, I'm going to take you home with me."

"Can Momma and Papa come?"

"No." Her breath became shaky and her eyes filled up with tears. "Are you ready?"

I nodded. I was so scared. I wanted my parents. I was too afraid to argue.

"You don't talk much, do you?" the man said to me with a smile. Their words sounded different than when Momma and Papa talked.

I shook my head. "No."

"I've always wanted a little girl." The lady sounded so sad.

The man took my hand and squeezed. "Now you have one."

An ice cold hand touched my cheek. "Wake up, Bella."

How I used to love the sound of his voice.

I grumbled. If I kept my eyes closed, hopefully he'd go away. My fingers fumbled for the button to get more morphine. He grabbed my hand before I could touch it. Despite being in pain, and flat on my back, I contemplated getting out of bed and drop kicking his testicles into the next room. But that would be unladylike, yet so well deserved.

What the heck? _Now_ he decides to play doctor? He pulled out a pen light and started messing with my eyes. Which kind of hurt. My hus- I mean my _ex_-husband spent most of his time locked up in a lab. He didn't practice medicine so much as study it. I batted ineffectively at his large hands.

"Go away." I struggled to wrest my hand from his. "What the –?"

Pale, unshaven, with his clothes rumpled, Edward looked like he hadn't slept in days. His typically neat hair stuck up every which way. His glasses had smudge marks on the lenses.

He had the shadow of a smile. "Glad to see you've decided to rejoin the living. You have a concussion, and your temperature is elevated." That weasel was reading my chart and trying to beguile me.

Using my coolest voice I said, "I'd like my hand back, please."

"Sure." He dropped it.

As if I were burned, I snatched it back.

Somewhere along the way, I'd picked up a sore throat. I barely recognized my hoarse voice as I glared balefully. "You know, I _broke the nose_ of the last person that irritated me."

"You look . . . _horrible_." He said that so earnestly while brushing a lock of my hair out of my face.

I jerked away from him, which hurt me more than it did him. "Gee, thanks. It's that charming side of you I miss the most. Ironic words coming from you, Edward, you look like _you_ should be in this bed, not me."

His face tensed before he slipped back into the mask I hated. Like nothing could bother him. He'd first worn it the day he'd come home and informed me that he wanted a divorce. So I put on my version of that expression, honed to perfection through bitter experience, and stared at the wall and reminisced.

Edward Cullen, my childhood sweetheart, the love of my life, had walked out on me when I was pregnant last December. The baby hadn't made it, either. It seemed everything that I cherished, that I touched, either left or died: my birth parents, my marriage, my baby.

This was the first time he had actually spoken to me since that awful December night. Fragments of self-righteous speeches that I had planned scurried about in my mind, staying just out of grasp when I tried to reach for them. There was so much I wanted to say, and I was too chicken to do it. And really, what was the point? It wasn't like I mattered anymore. So instead, I did what I did best, kept my eyes to myself and my mouth sealed shut.

When I had signed the divorce papers, I could have sworn I felt soil being poured over my face, burying me alive in the lonely grave. With Edward, his family, and our little boy gone, I realized that I had nothing left to live for except my work. Edward had sat coolly throughout the proceedings while they ghoulishly divided up our material possessions and picked the corpse of our marriage clean.

"Mrs. Cullen, would you like to revert to your maiden name?"

"Yes, please, your honor," were the only words I spoke.

Edward's attorney scoffed, "Her maiden name is Cullen."

Mr. Jenks' baritone voice carried across the room. "As it states on her birth certificate, her _real _maiden name is Swan. She'll be using that from now on."

I heard a cracking noise. Edward had snapped the pencil in his hand. When the hearing ended, he rushed out the door. I remembered thinking that the suit he had on, I'd bought him last year, never thinking he'd use it for this.

Edward's attorney, Alistair Fitzgerald, tried to chat up my lawyer and offered his hand to me. "Thank you so much for your cooperation, Ms. Swan."

Mordantly, I stared at him–putting every bit of frustration I felt out on display. He dropped his hand and quietly made an exit.

Back at my lawyer's office after the judge pronounced me terminally single, I remembered finally taking off the engagement ring Edward had given me and the wedding band that had his eternal love for me inscribed on the inside. I had clutched onto their significance until the bitter end. Now they taunted me for not being enough of a Cullen to hang onto Edward.

"_May I please have an envelope, sir?"_

"_Of course, Mrs. Cul - I mean Miss Swan." He handed me one from his desk. _

_I slid the rings inside it and sealed it. With a shaky hand, I wrote, "Cullen" on the outside._

"_These are family heirlooms. They're not mine anymore. Please send this to my hus - my . . .," I stammered and took a deep breath. It was so hard saying those words for the first time. "ex-husband's attorney._" With a shaking hand, I slid the envelope across the polished mahogony of his desk.

"_You're allowed to keep them as per the terms of the divorce." He pushed the envelope back toward me. Stubbornly, I moved the envelope back to him._

"_They're not mine to keep. They are traditionally handed down to a Cullen bride. Edward might need them one day." I almost threw up. "Or Jasper."_

_I couldn't bear the pity in my attorney, Mr. Jenks' eyes. He put the envelope in his desk out of sight. My shoulders sagged as I heard the desk drawer shut._

_My attorney smelled of pipe tobacco and Old Spice aftershave. He had a courtliness to him that I appreciated. "Miss Swan, I'm very worried about you. You've lost a great deal of weight. Would you join me and my wife for dinner tonight?" _He fiddled with his unlit pipe when nervous.

"_Thank you so much, Mr. Jenks, but I think I'd rather be alone. I'll be fine."_

After lying to the man, I stumbled out of his office and kept my composure all the way to the car. I sobbed the entire drive back to my deserted home.

In all actuality, I had no one that I felt I could call. Almost all of my "friends" had vanished when news of the divorce had spread. Since the Cullens had cut me from their lives, the society matrons closed ranks; I was no longer invited anywhere. That, in and of itself, didn't bother me. I hated socializing, and I only did it for Edward's career and to make Esme happy. It was what happened if I ran into them in public that hurt. People pretended I didn't exist, or they whispered to each other and smirked.

My work kept me sane. Because that represented eight hours I didn't have to be trapped at home. The dream house we had spent so much time building and decorating became a prison. My footfalls echoed as I walked down the empty halls. I'd never lived alone in my life.

So I got into the scotch that Edward left behind to mourn being single. Not being much of a drinker, that resulted in miserable hours laying on the cold bathroom floor. I realized then that I really wanted to die. So I turned from alcohol and set about getting myself killed properly, but I wanted to go out making a statement.

The next day when I showed up to work, I was called into the principal's office.

"Yes, Sister Agnes, what can I do for you?"

She didn't look like she had any words of comfort to offer me, like I expected. Her ivory crepe paper skin was her most outstanding feature. God had not blessed this woman with physical beauty, but I respected her so much. "We think you should take a leave of absence."

My stomach sank and my eyes stung. I fought to hold off tears and stared at the picture of Jesus with the Sacred Heart that hung on the wall above her head to try and calm down. "Has my performance not met your standards?"

"You are an excellent teacher, Isabella. The children love you and thrive under your care. It's just that several parents have expressed . . . concern."

I had never had a complaint before. I squeezed my hands into fists so hard, my nails dug into the skin of my palms. It kept me sane.

"About what?" I asked.

She pursed her thin lips and fiddled with the silver cross hanging from her neck. "The board of directors met last night to discuss the best way to break the news of your . . . name change. We received feedback that several parents don't want their child being taught by someone who is . . . divorced. It's silly, really." She shrugged. "But we cannot afford to offend the families that financially support our school. We are trying to raise money for a new roof. We need to move you to another assignment. You will, of course, be given two months' pay. How would you like to work on the annual newsletter?" Her gaze landed on my empty left hand.

Reflexively, I felt ashamed–like I should hide my hands behind my back. I still had the marks left from wearing the rings all those years. I felt naked without them. Part of my mind kept telling me that I had forgotten my rings at home. Then I had to remind myself that I, not my rings, was divorced and forgotten.

"So you're _firing_ me? For something that is completely beyond my control?"

She adopted a cajoling tone. "Firing is such a harsh word, my dear. Don't think of it that way. This is just a temporary assignment."

Sister Agnes had been in my life since she taught me when I was eight years old. I couldn't believe that she'd go along with this. She was the one who had noticed me at school, who had encouraged me to read. I went into teaching because Sister Agnes inspired me.

Her face, however, indicated I'd get no sympathy. I did something I'd never done before. I walked out without saying another word and ignored her when she called after me in her quavering contralto. My phone rang when I got outside. I stared at the screen and saw Sister Agnes' name. Defiantly, I pushed the "ignore" option which silenced the ringing. It felt liberating ignoring her call. When she hung up and called again, I turned the damn thing's ringer off. No one ever called me who had good news these days, anyway.

I passed a group of women that I knew from my days volunteering in the Junior League. They pretended not to see me and bowed their heads together and whispered, bobbing like chickens around the last kernals of grain. I loved teaching, and the Cullens took that from me, too. I wanted to disappear and go where no one could ever find me–where I could be free to live my life without anyone's expectations being forced on me. So no one could ever hurt me like this again.

I was afraid to get behind the wheel of my car until I could calm down. I might have wanted to die, but I didn't want to take anyone with me. Except perhaps, for a Cullen or four. Shaking with months of pent up anger, I took a walk.

Suicide was for wusses. If I was going to leave this world, at least I'd do it doing something that helped others. Walking on the local college campus, I almost tripped when I saw a gaggle of brightly dressed small children holding on to a rope and walking side by side. One of them, a little girl, had hair almost the same shade as Edward's. The very sight of her hurt my heart. Desperately, I scanned the area for something to take my mind off of the children. Although I did not consider myself religious, I begged God to give me a sign. Something. My foot stumbled on an uneven sidewalk and it drew my eye to the left. I saw a banner with the face of a starving child on it.

A tall woman with icy blue eyes above high cheekbones asked, "May I help you?" I tried not to stare. She could have been a model. Her makeup, unlike mine, was flawless.

"Yes. I think you can. I want to work to stop that." I pointed at the picture of the child.

"Seriously?" She raised an arched brow.

"Swear to God. How do I sign up?"

"You want to do volunteer work? Like help with fundraisers?"

"No, I want to go there and help those children."

That earned me a genuine smile. "I'm Rose. Fill this out."

For the first time, I didn't cringe saying my new name. "I'm Bella Swan."

My phone kept vibrating with calls from co-workers and Sister Agnes. On the way back to my house, I saw a sign in the O'Connor's front yard. They had "It's a girl" and a stork holding a perfect-looking baby. Life was so unfair. My phone buzzed again as I pulled into the driveway and wiped at my eyes. I put it beneath the tire of my car and ran over it on my way into the garage.

That day, I joined an international relief organization. The night I made my plans I poured Edward's beloved ten thousand dollar bottles of forty year old Maclellan scotch down the drain. A few weeks later, I traveled to work in Sub-Sahara Africa. I left town with nothing but a single suitcase and a sketchpad. I didn't tell anyone where I went. I canceled my cell phone, my cable, the electricity, and my email account.

Alice, one of my ex's coworkers, was the only person I stayed in touch with aside from my attorney, and even _she_ didn't know where I moved. I also made her promise that she wouldn't give out my new email address to anyone. It took Edward months to figure out I'd left the country. Last month, she sent me a note that must have been a work of fiction on her part to make me feel better. She said, "Edward flipped his shit when he found out you're working in what he calls _squalid refugee camps_. Spill, girl." Pity. She had exaggerated to make me feel better, I was sure.

"Bella?" Edward waved his hand in front of my face. I heard his chair creak and reluctantly came back to the present. At our divorce hearing he had done an excellent impersonation of a corpse. He didn't look all that different now–not that I looked at him much. His eyes were bloodshot; He appeared gaunt with a pallor that suggested he hadn't seen much of his beloved outdoors. I didn't need him to tell me that I didn't look much better, but at least I had a tan. Also, I had the excuse of having been shot twice.

I huffed. "I'm tired. Say whatever you're going to say and _get out_."

"Bella, this is not like you." He turned my face towards him. I recoiled from his touch.

"Hands off!" I spat.

It reminded me of the last time he told me goodbye. The night he broke my heart. I took a deep breath and bit my lip to keep the tears at bay.

Edward dropped his hands. His eyes widened for a moment before he put back on that cool demeanor.

"Why did you go to _Africa_ of all places? You never showed any interest in it before."

I did my best to sound bored. "Why not? I had nothing better to do."

"You had a job that you loved." He stumbled over that last word.

I stared at my hands. My once perfect manicure was a thing of the past. "Actually, I didn't. Thanks to you."

"What?" Now he was faking being innocent. How low could he sink?

"Sister Agnes fired me the day after our divorce became final."

Edward appeared baffled. "But you're an excellent teacher."

"Several parents complained to the board of directors that they didn't want their child taught by someone who is divorced. They threatened to pull their children and withdraw their financial support."

For the first time since this whole mess started, Edward actually appeared flabbergasted.

When he did say something, he rumbled, "I am definitely withdrawing the family's support for that school."

He pulled out his cell phone, and started pushing buttons rapidly. Odd, when he'd changed numbers he kept the phone that I'd bought him for his last birthday. "You could sue them. I'll call my attorney."

I think the drugs made me willing to talk so much. "Leave it. Not worth the time. I've had enough interactions with your attorney to last a lifetime, no thank you very much." Edward flushed, and I pressed on, "Anyway, I have a job that I love. As soon as they say I'm healed, I'm out of here. Don't let the door hit you on the way out." I turned away.

He gulped audibly. "Isabella, you are not going back."

**See you next week. Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Unbecoming Chapter Three**

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. AH ExB**

**Ordinarily I don't post early. I'm making an exception just this once. **

**Many thanks to LJ Summers and prettyflour for the beta skills and free offerings of snark. Thanks to KristinHazzard, MuttNFeathers, MamaBean30, Perrymaxwell, detochkina, Twilover76, EternalSummer79, and pomme_de_terre for pre-reading. Thanks as well to GinnyW_31 and wtvoc for the consulting and advice.**

**Thanks to katinki and the ladies at The Lemonade Stand for the rec. Made my week.**

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><p><em>Last time:<em>

_He pulled out his cell phone, and started pushing buttons rapidly. Odd, when he'd changed numbers he kept the phone that I'd bought him for his last birthday. "You could sue them. I'll call my attorney."_

_I think the drugs made me willing to talk so much. "Leave it. Not worth the time. I've had enough interactions with your attorney to last a lifetime, no thank you very much." Edward flushed, and I pressed on, "Anyway, I have a job that I love. As soon as they say I'm healed, I'm out of here. Don't let the door hit you on the way out." I turned away._

_He gulped audibly. "Isabella, you are not going back."_

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><p>"I beg your pardon?"<p>

"I said," he straightened his shoulders and crossed his arms, "you are _not_ going back."

Everyone has a breaking point. His vehemence sparked unadulterated rage roaring through me. Defiantly, I poked him in the chest and held up my bare left hand. "When I signed those divorce papers and gave you back your grandmother's rings, you lost the power to tell me what to do," I snarled. "You ignore me for a year and _now_ you're trying to run my life? I don't think so. The last time you deigned to speak to me, you told me you wanted out of my life. Physician, heal thyself." I pointed to the door emphatically, "Get out of my room!" I could not stop shaking. I shut up because I was so angry and scared my teeth chattered.

I suspect that caught him off guard. His eyes widened. During the course of our relationship, I'd never raised a voice to him. He'd also never seen me lose my temper. I had been the quiet, shy, biddable wife that worshiped him. Fat lot of good that had done me.

"When did you become so argumentative? This isn't like you. We need another MRI about that head injury." Silver Cross pen in hand, he reached for my records and began flipping through my chart.

"When I realized I'm tired of being kicked around. You should try it. It's liberating. Leave now."

Edward found something in my chart that had him riveted. His mind clearly not on the conversation, he talked to me like I was a four-year-old throwing a temper tantrum in front of a gumball machine. "You won't be going back to that hell hole."

I gave him my sweetest smile. "You don't get to make that call. I have a job." I pressed the button to summon the nurse. I needed Jane to kick him out.

"Not anymore." He tensed as if preparing for a blow and gave me a defiant stare.

"What the heck are you talking about?"

He fiddled with my records and almost appeared nervous, had I not known him better. "I paid the relief group you work for an obscene amount of money to put you on a sabbatical."

I spluttered, "You can't _do_ that." What was I thinking? Cullen money always talked. This was the second job he'd ruined for me.

"Can so. They didn't know you were a Cullen," he looked at me askance, "since you started using your birth parents' surname."

"I'm not a Cullen, Edward. _You_ made sure of that."

He mashed his lips together, and then opened his mouth only to shut it - like he was going to say something but thought better of it. After a pause, he continued talking like I hadn't spoken. "Mom and Dad became your guardians," I shrank back as he leaned over me. I could smell his cologne. "That makes you a Cullen whether you like it or not, no matter _what_ name you go by. You can't unbecome what you already are."

"I've been unbecoming Bella Cullen for months."

"This is absurd. You are who you are."

"Whatever. What did you do with my employers?"

"I gave them enough of a donation, they no longer needed you on staff when they could afford to hire more qualified workers. You being a newcomer and all. And your medical expenses were high, so I agreed to pay them."

"What, pray tell, did you think that would accomplish?"

Edward stood, slipped on his jacket, and walked to the window. The light caught the top of his head and made it seem like he was surrounded in a nimbus of auburn, bronze, and brown. It was so unfair good hair like that was wasted on a man who didn't appreciate it. Even when he was exhausted, he still had perfect locks hanging around his handsome face.

No wonder he left me. I hadn't looked in the mirror yet, but was afraid of what my reflection would reveal. I didn't need a looking glass to tell that my hair needed washing and that it was a tangled mess.

"First we have to get you healthy. Then you'll settle down and take another job teaching kindergarten at St. Michael's if you like." I glared at his gaffe, which he speedily tried to correct with a rushed caveat, "or wherever you want and stop this ridiculous behavior. This is for your own good. You'll see." He sounded so sincere when he babbled that blarney.

He yelped and ducked away from the water pitcher I hurled. It only just missed him. Throwing it hurt like heck. But it was worth it.

Grinning, he then whistled. "Wow, good aim."

"Jasper was a great teacher. Lately, I've had plenty of practice." I nailed him in the forehead with my bottle of vitamins.

He yanked his glasses off. The peat moss and white decorative rocks from a potted plant made a nice addition to his immaculate shoeshine.

His eyes widened. "Isabella, you just had surgery for two separate wounds. We can't have dirt flying around the room. God only knows what you've been exposed to. You could get an infection, and then you'd really never get rid of me."

I paused and set down the ceramic mug.

He knelt and started picking up the shattered remains of the peace lily someone with a bitter sense of humor had sent. "Incidentally, whose nose did you allegedly break? That was a joke, right?"

"No. The man who shot me. _His_ nose."

Aghast, Edward asked, "Why?"

"For starters, he was _rude_." Shooting unarmed refugees for food definitely qualified as uncouth behavior in my book. Kidnapping children, too. Even the nuns, were they talking to me, would have agreed with me that stealing food from unarmed women and children was deplorable. "Besides, he was hurting a little boy."

For half a second, Edward appeared haunted before pulling on his jester's robes and smirking. "It must be the drugs. I like the feisty Isabella Cullen. Tell you what, I'll come back later and you can toss more things at me after you've had a nap." My - unfortunately empty - hard plastic bedpan hit the back of his head as he made his "dignified" exit.

"My name is Bella Swan," I called after his retreating back. The words felt rusty on my lips.

As he passed; Jane walked in and clicked her tongue taking in the disarray of the room.

"I'm sorry." I tried to appear contrite. "I made a mess."

She reached down to pick up my vitamin bottle. "What happened?"

"My ex pissed me off."

"The annoying _fake_ doctor?"

I smiled at her because she raised her voice loud enough to be heard in the hall. Because Edward did research, he wasn't considered a _bona fide_ medical professional by many, which drove him up the wall. Jane showed serious friend potential.

"One and the same."

She held up the tube of Chapstick that was hidden in the corpse of the peace lily. "What did you plan on doing, lip balm him to death?"

"Has he tried to tell you how to do your job yet?"

I had rarely been ill during our marriage, but when I was, Edward always acted like I was one step from being sent to the Center for Disease Control for observation. That was what I got for falling in love with a medical research scientist. He'd probably snuck samples from me while I was out of it and planned on running clinical trials.

Jane said, "Yes, he insisted that your name was wrong in our records, that you're really Isabella Cullen. Right now he's trying to get them to give you another MRI."

"Argh!" I grabbed the sheets like I wanted to strangle them in place of my ex. "My legal last name is Swan. It says so on my passport."

"Really? How'd that happen?"

"Technically, since the Cullens adopted me and I married Edward that made me Isabella Cullen Cullen. They had a sale on names the day he divorced me. A two for one deal. I changed back to my birth name."

"Wait." Jane held up a palm. "You married your brother?"

I nodded, "Technically."

Jane said, "So the stories about relatives marrying each other in the South are true?" Her grin gave away that she was pulling my leg.

"He was my childhood sweetheart. I never saw him as a sibling."

"No worries. I'm not here to judge. So you threw a bed pan at him?" She grinned.

"Yeah, hit him in the back of his hard head."

She handed me a small card that had been taped to the plant. "This is yours."

I opened it, took just enough time to recognize Esme's handwriting and gave it back to her without reading it. "It's from the ex-mother in law. Trash, please."

Jane crumpled it into a ball and tossed it into the waste basket. She had great aim.

Jane tapped her short pink fingernails against her chin. "You got fire, Bella. I'm getting you extra bed pans. You might get better results in keeping him away if you wait til one of these is full before you throw it. That'll really piss him off."

The image of me lobbing urine filled containers at Edward was so ridiculous, that I actually laughed. Esme would be apoplectic. She'd break down and give me that look that all southern women feared: the freeze. They arranged their features just south of rigor mortis and blinked at you like you were too stupid to realize how trashy you were.

"Bella," Jane waved her fingers in front of my face, "If he comes back and annoys you, my partner Tanya and I will scare him off. We both work the same shift." Eyes twinkling, she sailed from the room wearing a beatific smirk.

I stared at the plant carcass that skulked in the waste basket, one limb hanging over the edge as if trying to escape and reconsidering when it took notice of its surroundings. I had an arsenic thumb. Plants wilted, shrieked, and fainted at the sight of me because I inevitably killed them. Why had Esme bothered to send one? I'd had no contact with her in over a year. Then again, what would Emily Post recommend that one send to a shunned ex-daughter?

The well-brought up Southern woman in me wanted to write a gracious thank you note. But I didn't have stationery, or stamps, or a pen, much less the desire to have any kind of contact with the woman who so easily excised me from her life after raising me.

When next I woke, Alice was flipping through a fashion magazine, sitting at my side. My throat burned; it hurt to breathe. I should have been knocked flat by the perfume samples they stuck in that periodical. But I couldn't smell a thing. A nurse walked in the room. She was a stunning strawberry blonde with looks most women would kill for. It was petty, but I felt better when I saw she had a long scar on one of her legs.

"Hi, I'm Tanya. Is it okay if she visits you? Jane wanted me to check."

"Sure." I was so sending Jane and Tanya flowers.

"Girlfriend." Alice stroked my hair back from my face. "I wish I could say you look better. I've seen corpses with more color. And I love you, but your hair is atrocious."

Laughing also proved painful. For a second, my shoulder hurt so much I thought I was going to throw up. I pressed that magic button to get more pain medication and held my breath waiting for it to kick in.

"You have dirt in your hair and your skin is _orange_. Did you get attacked by someone with cheap spray tan in a bottle?"

I looked where she pointed. "That's an antiseptic they bathed me in probably before surgery. It'll fade."

Alice waved her magazine at me. "I'll have you know that I had to thumb-wrestle Edward for this slot. You better have a good explanation for getting shot, missy." She handed me a glass of water.

I huffed. "Rebel soldier irritated me."

"So he _shot_ you?"

"Well, I might have broken his nose first. But _he_ started it." I sounded all of six years old.

Voice brimming with mischief, Alice chanted, "Go, Bella! Get on with your bad self! You've always been so shy." Then, on a more serious note, "What was it like over there?"

"It was like taking a trip to the corner of Gahenna that God and Satan both abandoned. People were dying all around me. There was so little I could do."

"But you want to go back out and do it again?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Someone has to." I'd rather hide behind laconic nobility than admit the bitter truth. I was the worst kind of monster–pretending to do noble deeds while hoping to end my pain.

"Doesn't it bother you being in that much danger?"

"It sounds insane, but really, you get used to it."

Alice surprised me, using a scolding tone. "Bella, you almost died."

"Please. I couldn't get that lucky." Alice gave me a worried glance.

Jane had warned me that the drugs might make me act a little different. That must be what was making me this blunt. Time to shut up, now.

I asked, "Can you please do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"I have a suitcase. My sketch pad should be in it."

"You mean this?" Alice pulled the battered silver case out from underneath my bed. She opened it up and rifled through it. "Bella, it's not here, but ugh," she waved her hand in front of her face, "I'm taking this home and washing your clothes."

"Fine. Just hand me the blue bag in it."

Alice placed the bag on my bed. I moved it to the other side of me and rested my hand on it.

"I'm really sorry, Bella. I've looked through here twice."

Drat. Drawing had been the thing that had kept me sane. The sketch pad faithfully recorded and trapped in time all of the horrible things I had seen.

Alice tilted her head towards the trash can. "Who sent the plant? Doesn't seem Edward's type."

"Esme."

"The great mother-in-law descends from her lofty heights of magnolia graciousness and deigns to contact you?" Alice had only seen Esme from afar, but she did have a point. Esme scared the living daylights out of most people, she was so intimidating with her Southern matriarch manners.

"You know what this means?" Alice prodded.

"Aside from being the fourth sign of the apocalypse?"

"Yeah."

I rubbed at my shoulder. It ached. "She wants something. I have no idea what. But I'm not playing."

Alice said, "There's an old Chinese idiom that goes, 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'"

I chewed on my lip to keep from spewing something vindictive. Every time I thought of how my family abandoned me, I got angry. After all I had been through at the hands of the Cullens, I was determined to never again be someone's fool.

"Do you have your laptop?"

"Yeah." She held up her case. "You need to check your email?" She booted up her computer.

Five minutes later, I stared at the screen speechless. I had over two thousand emails waiting for me.

Alice said, "Is that a guy's name I see in your in box?" She clicked her tongue at me. "Spill, girlfriend."

"He's a friend."

"What does this friend do?"

"He's the doctor in our group."

"Is he hot?"

I ignored that question and clicked on Alec's message to open it.

_Bella,_

_Hope this finds you doing better than the last time I saw you. I hate to bother you, but you really should see this clip. Email me when you can._

_Alec_

At the bottom of the note was a YouTube link.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"I have no idea. A coworker sent this film to me." Wincing, I clicked on the YouTube link and hit _Play,_ fearing that I'd get something disgusting like an ugly hairy guy stripping to Rod Stewart. Alec had a sick sense of humor but always excelled at cracking me up, and right now I needed a good laugh.

"Oh, golly."

"You've gone sheet white," Alice said. "Let me see."

It was me. On film. It showed me standing up to that rebel soldier as he roughly tried to yank a little boy away from his mother.

"What is that?"

"That is a soldier trying to steal a little boy I know. His name is Peter."

"Why?"

"To turn him into a child soldier."

"But he's what, _five_? He couldn't even lift that man's gun, much less shoot it. What's the point?"

"The younger the better."

We were at the part of the film where I threw the rock and smashed the soldier's nose to get him to drop Peter. I tossed the little boy to his mother. She took him and ran. Watching it, I was amazed at how calm I looked in the film. I certainly hadn't felt that way at the time.

And then I saw the soldier shooting me. Twice. He only missed hitting something vital because his hand had been jostled by one of the other refugees and a rock I'd thrown.

I heard Alec shouting my name, followed by more gunfire.

"Jesus Christ!" Alice covered her mouth and lurched back from the screen.

I hit _pause_. My hand was jittery and accidentally started the clip again. I could not look away.

It was the strangest sensation, watching it happen. I appeared dead in the film. The last clip showed me sprawled on the ground, my long hair wrapped around me like a shroud, and my blood pouring onto the dirt. The refugees attacked the other soldiers, while Alec ripped open my shirt and started to give me first aid. The film went to black as the sound of more shots filled the sky.

"Here." With shaking hands, I handed the laptop to Alice. "I don't feel like seeing it any more." I hoped no one got hurt trying to defend me. I wasn't worth it.

She wiped tears from her face and shakily said, "That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Except for that part with the hot doctor ripping your shirt wide open. I definitely want his phone number."

I might have snorted water out my nose at that last line of hers. I didn't think getting Alec in a room with Alice would be a good idea.

I heard Alice tapping away at the keys as she sniffed and took a deep breath. "Um, Bella, this video has gone viral."

"What does that mean?"

She turned the screen to me and pointed at a number. "It has over two million hits on Youtube, and it was posted today."

"Oh boy. That's bad, right?"

"There also seems to be more than one version of it going around."

Neither one of us wanted to click on any of the others. Alice asked, "Do you mind if I click on the next email? It's from a news channel."

"No. Go ahead."

"There's an interview here. I'm going to play it."

I heard a reporter ask, "What can you tell us about Ms. Cullen?"

"It's Swan, not Cullen," my former neighbor Mrs. Bishop barked. "That toad of a ex-husband left her when she was pregnant. Those high and mighty Cullens," she sneered. "You know, the ones that raised her since she was knee-high to a grasshopper? They stopped talking to her. She lost the baby on Christmas Eve and they didn't even come see her in the hospital. They were on Christmas vacation and couldn't be bothered. Some family."

Stunned, I covered my mouth with a shaking hand as she spoke. Oh, man, this was not good. My entire world was reduced to that screen. Mrs. Bishop was in her housecoat, clutching her newspaper. She wore her signature cat-eyed reading glasses with a fake diamond hanging from one temple. Mrs. Bishop normally kept her secrets to herself. She must think I'd died or was close to it; she acted so upset.

The gangly reporter bore a strong resemblance to Ichabod Crane. She had two inches on him in height.

He prodded her for more. "Now _what_ happened at Christmas?"

Mrs. Bishop started dabbing at her eyes. "It was awful. I heard screaming coming from her house and went over there with my gun to make sure she was okay," she reached into her robe and pulled out a .22, "never go anywhere without it." She stuffed the gun back into her pocket, oblivious to the reporter's momentarily alarmed face. "Anyways, her housekeeper found the poor thing unconscious at the bottom of the stairs laying in a pool of blood. Both her eyes were swollen shut. She was covered in bruises. Someone beat the hell out of that poor girl. Broke her arm, too. She kept telling us to run and leave her that _he_ was still in the house. She'd never tell me who did it."

He tsked. "So, there's a tragic history of domestic violence." He lobbed that bomb so casually before pressing onward."Did you know she was in Africa?"

"No," Mrs. Bishop answered with a smile. "But it sounds like something she'd do, seeing as her family abandoned her and ran her out of town. She's the sweetest soul. Shy little thing.

She always brought me flowers on Mother's Day because my kids would forget."

"Did she send them to you this year?"

"She did. They were day lilies and orchids." She wiped at her eyes with a handkerchief.

"How bad off is she?"

"The hospital won't release any information. We have sources that tell us she's in critical condition, but that hasn't been confirmed."

"Well I'm going down there," Mrs. Bishop declared. "That darling girl needs her family right now."

Alice stopped the clip.

"Bella, you were pregnant?" Alice and I had barely known each other back then.

We sat there for a few minutes soaking up the silence. Finally, I whispered, "Yes."

"You lost the baby on Christmas Eve?"

I nodded, tears blurred my vision.

"Oh honey, why didn't you call?"

We had emailed every day since I had left. She now was the best friend I had. "Didn't want to ruin your holiday. There was nothing you could have done."

"How did Mrs. Bishop know you were expecting?"

"When I went out to get the paper one morning I got sick all over the gardenias by our mailbox. She helped me into her place and gave me soda and crackers. When I lost the baby she was the one that called the ambulance. My housekeeper was too hysterical to do it."

"Bella, I have to ask this question. Did Edward hit you? Is he the reason you miscarried?"

"God, no. He never laid a hand on me. He and his entire family were out of town."

"Was it true what she said about the Cullens not coming to see you?" Alice had stayed friends with Edward, but I didn't want to cause problems between them.

"Yes. Can we _please_ talk about something else?"

"One more question and then I'll leave the topic alone. I know you're private. How did Mrs. Bishop know they wouldn't come?"

"She called them when I was on my way to the hospital. They never called her back and they never showed up."

Alice didn't bother to hide that she was appalled. "_Never?_ Your own mother never came to see you when you lost the baby?"

"None of them returned my calls. They changed their phone numbers after they got back into town."

Alice muttered, "No wonder you left." Her voice rose. "What insensitive _assholes_. I'm so glad I dumped - never mind."

I tried to change the subject. "How many hits does that clip have?" I think Alice realized I was at the end of my conversational rope with talking about the baby, so she didn't fight my attempts to talk about something else.

Alice frowned. "You don't want to know. I'm going to talk to Emmett and make sure we get some security set up to keep you from being bothered."

"You really think that's necessary?"

She turned her laptop and showed me the screen. "Bella, in the five minutes we've been watching these clips, you've received six hundred more emails." The screen chimed.

My head hurt. My chest felt tight when I breathed. How did people figure out my email address?

"Make that seven hundred," Alice corrected.

As I watched it, the number of messages in my inbox kept growing.

**Please review!**

**See you next week. Really. Stop laughing. I mean it this time. *blinks***

**Books**

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><p><strong>References<strong>

**-I cannot take credit for "the freeze," as that gem came from Florence King, who writes Southern Ladies and Gentlemen. **

**Peter was named after a Lost Boy of Sudan that I befriended. His story was harrowing. **

**For more on the Lost Boys. http:/www (dot) nytimes (dot) com/2010/11/21/us/21lost (dot) html**

**-An estimated 300,000 children worldwide are used as soldiers in conflicts, 120,000 of them are in Africa. **

**For more on child soldiers: http:/www (dot) irinnews (dot) org/indepthmain (dot) aspx?indepthid=94&reportid=94664**

**or this from the UN: http:/www (dot) un (dot) org/ecosocdev/geninfo/afrec/vol15no3/153chil2 (dot) htm**


	4. Chapter 4

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH**

**Short Snarky AN: Wow! Thanks so much for reading! I'm floored and humbled at the amazing reviews, PMs, tweets, and posts that you all have sent me. I try to answer every review, tweet, and PM I receive. If you have your PMs turned off on ff, I can't answer you. Also, you'll see more of Bella's friend Alec in this chapter. I feel the need to remind you all that there is no cheating in this story. Nor will there be a love triangle between Edward, Bella, and any other character (*cough* Alec *cough - add Emmett to that, too). Nor will Edward or Bella be dating, kissing, or otherwise "doin' it" with any other character.**

**On an entirely other note, I have people asking about my other stories. I write snarky AU's from EPOV that are considerably lighter in tone than Unbecoming. Even better, they're both complete. Cullenary Coupling is a rewrite using a completely different plot of the entire Twilight Saga. Because I started the story 3/4ths of the way in and then had the fandom's longest flashback, it's all in one file. It's long. Really, really long - and there's a summary of it on my ff profile. If you want to get an idea of what it is like before you wade in, read Chapter 13: Mad, Bad, and Dangerous to Know. The last line is awesome. The Stench Wars is considerably shorter and has Edward trying to get rid of Jake without getting caught by Bella. Good times. I should also warn you that I have a sick sense of humor.**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers and prettyflour for the beta skills. And free offerings of snark. Thanks to KristinHazzard, Twilover76, EternalSummer79, MuttNFeathers, Mamabean30, perrymaxwell, Detochkina, and pomme_de_terre for pre-reading above and beyond the call of duty. Thanks as well to GinnyW_31 for the consulting and advice. Thanks to IsleEsme1, Christag_banner, KristenLynn1121, mostlyalurker, and SagaDevotee for help with a laptop question.**

**Feel free to follow me on Twitter at BookishQua. I tweet when I update or post teasers. You can find me on Facebook at Booksgalore (dot) BookishQua**

**I also don't bite. Much.**

* * *

><p>Being in the hospital is dreadfully boring. Anyone who says otherwise is either a hypochondriac, liar, or an idiot. I didn't have my sketchpad to draw or any books to read. Even if I did have them, I probably couldn't have done anything. In addition to the pain in my side and shoulder, I now was the proud owner of a raging headache. It felt like a vindictive elephant used my head for kicking practice.<p>

Through the open doorway of my room, hanging from the hallway wall, I saw a poster of a mother holding a child. The woman beamed at the toddler like I would imagine any good mother would. My eye kept wandering toward the child – how he had his little fingers wrapped around his mother's shirt. Seeing that picture made me feel as if someone had stabbed me in the chest. Since my shoulder was wounded, I couldn't roll on my side. Instead, I turned my head and stared at the empty wall instead.

I heard a throat clearing behind me.

"Yes?" I slurred. Wow, those pain killers really threw me for a loop. I'd been pushing the button to increase the dosage more lately.

"Chica, you sure know how to get attention," Emmett teased. "It was hard getting in to see you."

Jane came in behind him and gestured at him with her thumb. "Is it okay for him to be here?"

"Yes. He's a friend."

"Told you." Emmett stuck his tongue out at her and blew her a raspberry. "Man, your guard dog is scary. Glad she works for us."

"Whatever." Jane rolled her eyes, turned on her heel, and left the room.

"Alice told me you don't have a laptop," Emmett said.

"Alice is right. I don't."

He shuddered. "I can't imagine being cut off like that. I'm always buying computers when something new comes out. I brought you one of my laptops to use while you're in here."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"You do know how to use one, right?"

"A computer?"

"No, this kind of laptop."

Truth be told, I couldn't even figure out how to open the darn thing.

"Why don't you show me how?"

"Well, you press this button to open it, and this one," he pushed a key, "turns it on."

Once the computer powered up, I opened a Word file and tried to type.

When my fingers fumbled with the square that was supposed to be the mouse; I huffed in frustration. "I can't use this whatchamacallit."

"It's a mousepad. Bella, you're pretty drugged up right now. Your lack of coordination is to be expected. I'll bring you an external mouse and a tray I keep in my office."

"You're the best."

He gave me a searching look and drummed his hands on the rail of my bed. "I'm here for you if you ever want to talk."

"Thanks." I knew he was a rock and roll enthusiast. "What's with the drumming? Van Halen's got nothing on you."

He blushed and winked at me. "Flatterer! My ego is swelling! Now I can't walk out of the room my head is so big," he joked, hands held on either side of his skull.

"You better find a way, Dr. McCarty, your boss is on the phone wondering why you aren't answering your cell," Tanya said as she walked into the room carrying what passed for my lunch.

"Crap!" Emmett yelped and reached for his cell and started mashing buttons. "Gotta run. I'll catch you later!" He shouted the tail end of that from the hallway he moved so fast.

"For sixty-five cents a day, you too can feed Bella Swan," Tanya jibed. Her face melted into a mournful expression as she stared at my full tray. I wasn't falling for that old trick – although she was good.

I snorted as I stirred my applesauce. "I'm eating. But if you transform into Sally Struthers, I'm so out of here. She's annoying."

"Bella, you're not eating enough. Girl, you have so many people lining up to see you. We need to go over who can see you and who can't."

"Okay." I yawned. "Later?"

"Is it safe for your ex to visit?" Tanya seemed concerned.

"Safe?" I didn't understand what she meant.

"Bella, I have to ask if you are worried he might hit you. I read he's a black belt."

"Tanya," I kept my voice calm, "he's never laid a hand on me."

She gave me this look that made me feel equal parts pitied and disbelieved. The irony of this was that I've always been told that I suck at lying.

"Okay, get some rest." She placed the tray on the bedside table.

I stared at it like an unwelcome house guest that couldn't take a hint. I had spent months surrounded by desperate people that would have done anything just to get my tapioca pudding. Yet, I couldn't eat. I had no appetite. Every time I tried, I saw starving children and felt guilty that I had food and they did not. Alec had picked up on that back in Africa and had quietly kept me company at our meals. I ate with him around. But he wasn't here now.

I forced myself to eat as much as I could. The pudding tasted like ashes on my tongue. After I finished half of the soup, I decided that I'd had all that I could take. The tray sat there abandoned, utensils crossed, sulking like a wallflower.

I shut my eyes and decided to pretend it wasn't in the room.

I was back in my old house. Edward was telling me that we were over and shrugging away from my hand on his sleeve. I'd never seen such a cold expression on anyone's face. He morphed into the man who shot me. I heard a bang and my chest started to hurt. I jerked awake with a gasp. My stomach felt like someone tap danced on it in metal cleats. Before I knew what I was doing, I shot up in bed. My shoulder and side really didn't like that and filed a vociferous protest with my nervous system. Then I vomited . . . all over Edward. Oops.

He grabbed a plastic container they kept around for such emergencies and held it under my chin as I heaved up the rest of my lunch. I started crying.

"Here, rinse and spit." He handed me a glass of water and held out another plastic bin. That made me cry harder.

This was so unfair. I was supposed to be gorgeous, immaculately made up in a fancy car when I ran into my ex wearing a bigger ring than the one he had given me when we were married. He was supposed to be eagerly asking me if he could pump my gas, while wiping oil off his greasy fingers and pulling at his unkempt hair. Or asking me if I wanted fries with that at the drive-through window. I winced and my right hand tried to hold my shoulder until I realized how much that hurt.

"Why are you crying? Are you in pain? Is it your shoulder?" Edward asked.

Now that I thought about it, if my stomach hadn't protested first, the pain from my shoulder would have had me throwing up, anyway. I panted to try to deal with the pain.

"I feel awful, like someone is driving nails in the back of my skull." My voice sounded hoarse. "What are you doing here? I'm sorry for getting sick on you."

Then I did it again. This time most of it made it into the container. But still, my lunch was definitely not what I imagined him wearing. The weasel took it all in stride.

My eyes watered again as I recognized the tie he had on. It was one he'd worn to our rehearsal dinner. I had bought it for him because the green in it matched his eyes and the dress I wore that night. Now it was probably ruined. Like me.

"I brought you some books by your favorite authors," Edward said and pointed to a bag.

I blinked at him. I didn't know how to ask him why he had bothered. So I said nothing.

He pressed on. "Do you have any in your suitcase that you want me to get for you?"

"No."

"Where are your books, then? Do you have them in a carry on bag?"

"I don't have any books."

"Oh, so you finally broke down and bought an e-reader?"

"No." I rubbed the back of my head.

"Bella, you always have books around you."

"Do I?"

Edward said, "Oh."

I tried to ignore that he stared at me like I had given him a riddle he couldn't solve.

He brought me books? I'd ponder the deeper meaning of that later. Right now my whole body ached, and I sank back into my pillow.

"Thanks," I mumbled only because I'd been raised with manners.

"Don't lean back yet," Edward warned.

"Why?"

"We need to change your gown and the sheets."

No way in hell was I getting naked in front of him. I mashed the call button.

Jane and Tanya came in the room.

Tanya said, "We've got this, Dr. Cullen."

He stood his ground. "I can do this. It's not like I haven't seen it before."

I gave Jane a desperate look.

"Dr. Cullen, I think Bella needs some girl time."

I loved that voice of steel she used. I'd have to practice sounding that way.

He stood up and blotted at his shirt and pants with a damp towel that Jane handed him. "Right, then I need to go change. I'll be right back as soon as I can." He scribbled something on my chart and left.

Part of me felt irritated. Why couldn't he just go away and stay away? So I could finish trying to heal the gaping canyon in my soul.

I sniffled and wiped at my eyes as Jane and Tanya cleaned me up and changed the sheets.

Tanya made soothing noises. "There, there, Bella, it will be okay. Give the medicine a minute to work."

"He keeps coming by and I look like something the cat dragged in," I wailed.

"Relax. I'd totally do you if I weren't in a committed relationship." Jane winked at me, which made me move from crying to laughing.

She injected something into my IV that made me feel relaxed. I couldn't feel my stomach anymore, or my shoulder.

"Thanks . . ." I mumbled.

"For what?"

"Making me laugh. I needed that."

"That's what friends are for," Jane said as she pulled the sheet up over me.

"Honey," Tanya narrowed her eyes and wagged a finger at me, "I don't care if all the papers say Dr. Cullen is a genius. I say he's a moron for letting a sweet thing like you go. And I'd bet my paycheck that he knows it."

If only that were true.

I woke up after a nap and decided to try to use Emmett's computer. My face felt hot, and my headache wasn't any better. I managed to turn the laptop on and followed the directions he left behind to get me access to the Internet. I checked my email first.

I felt bad because I hadn't answered Alec's email warning me about the YouTube clip. Sighing, I decided that I'd think about what to say to him while opening up the mail that I had waiting for me. I clicked on the first message from someone named ChosenSonRednecksRule.

I read, "I have a six-inch tongue and can breathe through my ears. You're one hot mamma! Marry me and I'll lick you –" I clicked the message shut without bothering to read the rest. I could feel my face flaming to the tips of my ears.

I checked a site I liked for news and found a story saying the video of me had gone viral. I clicked it shut because I couldn't handle that many people seeing me get shot.

I wrote Alec, "Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Thanks for the heads up."

A window popped open on my screen. It was Alec using Gchat.

A: Bella, how are you?"

It felt like it took forever to type.

B: My shoulder really hurts. I think I have a fever, and I just vomited all over my ex. Oh, I just got proposed to and propositioned in an email from a complete stranger.

A: I'll be there as soon as I can. Punch the ex for me. Don't bother reading those emails you got. Just trash them unless you recognize the sender. Better yet, shut this account and get a new one that doesn't have your name attached to it. Use flibbertigibbet in the first message you send me.

B: Okay.

He signed off.

I gawped at the screen when I noticed a number on the upper right hand side. I had ten thousand emails in my inbox. It was going to take forever just to delete them. Alec was right. Forget this. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out how to set up a new account. I wasn't sure why Alec wanted me to use a codeword in my message to him, but I did it regardless when I emailed him a test message from my new account.

I had reached my limit in terms of energy. I left the laptop open and pushed it to the side and fell asleep. Alec and I had become friends in Africa. It would be good to see him – a bit of normality amidst the chaos of my life.

My dreams took me back in time. It was the beginning of December. Edward and I were coming out of my obstetrician's office after my appointment. I could smell the wood from the chimneys in the area that people used to ward off the cold. He wrapped the angora scarf around my neck gently before leading me further into the bitter cold. We passed two hugely pregnant women. Neither looked happy. I felt nervous looking at them. Would I get that big?

It seemed like sometimes he could read my mind.

He kissed me. "You're going to be the best mother." He'd had a smile on his face ever since he'd found out we were expecting.

"Why do you say that? I have no experience with babies."

"Because you are the kindest person I have ever met in my life. I just know you'll take to being a mother. I don't have much experience with babies, either. We'll learn together," he promised. "Since you are eating for two, how about I take you to your favorite restaurant for dinner?" He held my hand as we walked towards our car. Stepping from the sidewalk to the asphalt of the parking lot, I slipped. Edward caught me.

He asked, "You got it?"

"Sorry, didn't see that patch of ice. Thanks for catching me."

He squeezed my upper arms gently and promised, "I'll always catch you, Bella."

I woke up with my hand on fire, feeling like he had touched it, even though he wasn't in the room. I thought back on the dream. I loved how when we were together he always opened doors for me. It sounded silly, but his courtliness made me feel cherished.

Too bad it was all an act.

"I'm looking for Isabella Swan," I heard a man's tenor voice say outside of my room in the hallway.

"Who might you be?" Jane asked.

"It's rare I run into someone who doesn't know me." I blinked when I heard that. Oh my stars, the ego has landed. The man didn't notice the snort that came from Jane. He lowered his voice, trying, I suspected, to sound sexy. "I'm Afton Pire. I'm with Channel 10. Here's my card. We'd like to interview her."

"Eyes up here, Afton. My boobs aren't talking to you."

"Sorry, can't help a guy for looking. I was trying to read your name tag."

"Because Jane takes so long to read. Got it. Why are you after Miss Swan?"

Unctuously, he purred, "Jane, haven't you heard? She's the hottest story of the day."

"Why?"

"Have you seen the clip of her in Africa? It's all over the web."

"No. I work for a living keeping my patients alive, not watching the Internet. Why do you care?"

"Our viewers are all over this story. 'Cause she's brave. She's smoking hot. With that gorgeous long hair, people are comparing her to Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. And the doctor that worked on her – everyone wants to know who he is, too."

"Well, I'm sorry to say that she doesn't want to talk to you, Prince Charming."

"But – there's dinner as a reward. Just you and me. I'll take you to a classy place."

"My girlfriend would not like that."

"Girlfriend?" his voice squeaked. "Say, have you ever . . ." His voice trailed off suggestively.

"I'm not into men, Afton. Why do straight men think that lesbians want to do it with them? We're lesbians for a reason, you know."

He whined, "C'mon, Jane–"

Jane's voice morphed from playful to wintry.

"Leave, or I'll call Security."

"What if I offer you money, hey? How much?"

"Now I'm offended. Rich, too. So I don't need your money."

He sounded desperate. "Can you give her my card?"

"Darling, is this man giving you a hard time?" I heard Tanya say. She had that Southern charm down perfectly.

"Nothing I can't handle," Jane chirped. "Bye now. The door is behind you to your left." I heard him sigh and the slamming of a door.

Jane stuck her head in the room and held up the card. "Trash?"

"Definitely."

Jane looked over her shoulder, sighed, and said, "Be right back. Duty calls."

"Where's Bella Swan?" A familiar voice querulously demanded. "Never mind, I'll find her myself."

Waving her cane, Mrs. Bishop marched into my room trailed by Tanya and Jane.

"Girl, can you tell these ladies," she pointed her thumb at them, "that I'm good people?"

"She's fine. Consider her my next of kin."

Tanya smiled and said, "You have eight more floral arrangements."

"What do you mean, eight more?"

"Well, you have ten others that came first thing this morning. The delivery man said he was going back to the store for another batch. You're quite popular."

"Can you pass them out to others in the hospital and please give me the cards? And if there's an arrangement that you like, please take it home. Please save one for Mrs. Bishop."

"Thank you, darlin'. You know how I love flowers," Mrs. Bishop sat in the chair by my bed and patted my hand. "Besides, if they're from your ex, I could use them for target practice. Got to keep my gun handy, you know."

Tanya winked as she left. I had a feeling Jane was getting roses tonight.

Mrs. Bishop was over six feet tall, with steel gray hair done in a style evocative of June Cleaver, and scared the words out of most people.

She patted my hand affectionately.

"I want to apologize for losing my temper like that with the reporter. I shouldn't have put your business out there like that. I'm always out of it before my chicory coffee. He made me think you had one foot in the grave. . ."

I knew she meant well. She had always kept my secrets before. Everyone was allowed to make a mistake now and then.

"Don't worry." It's not like I mattered to the viewers around here. This would blow over.

Gruffly, she continued, "I saw that film. Brave thing you did."

"Thank you."

"Who's the hunk?"

"You mean Alec? He's a friend and a doctor."

"Just a friend? A handsome man like that?"

"Right. He's almost like a brother." Almost but not quite. Alec returned messages and phone calls when I needed him. He'd also saved my life more than once.

Mrs. Bishop grinned. "Forty years ago, I wouldn't have minded him tearing my shirt off."

I blushed.

"Relax," she waved an arm, "nothing showed on camera."

"Thank goodness."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the buzz of traffic in the hallway.

"He came by, you know."

"Who?"

"The louse you married."

"When?"

"About four months ago. He wondered why you weren't answering the door at your place, seeing as your car was there."

"What did you tell him?"

"Before or after I gave him a piece of my mind?"

I had a professor in college once tell me that in most cultures a smile was considered a universal gesture of friendship except for one cannibalistic tribe in New Guinea. I'm guessing Mrs. Bishop had met those natives. Her grin was positively terrifying. I almost - almost - felt sorry for my ex.

"You didn't have to do that."

She harrumphed, and pulled her latest crochet project out of her bag. My, her hands moved fast.

"Disgusting treatment of a sweet child like you. Yes, I did. Told him I hadn't seen you in months. He lit out of there like his tail was on fire when I told him what I'd like to do with my gun."

She patted her purse that sat in her lap almost like it was a dog. I'm guessing that's where she stashed her weapon.

I giggled at the image of her chasing Edward with a gun and wiped tears from my eyes.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry. They have me pretty doped up."

Mrs. Bishop patted my hand gently. She played with the sleeve of her cardigan.

I shut my eyes for what felt like one minute. The next thing I knew, I was blinking at Mrs. Bishop.

"How long was I out?"

She glanced at her watch. "They changed your IV bag. Maybe two hours."

"I'm sorry I'm not good company."

Mrs. Bishop asked, "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"I need clothes to wear when I get out of here. Alice took everything I had, and what I do own is for hot weather."

"I'll handle it. Are you really back?"

"No."

"Plan on going back there?"

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm a sucker for punishment."

"Take care, girl. Don't get shot. I mean, don't get shot again." Mrs. Bishop leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. "World needs more people like you." She shuffled out the door. "I have a bridge game to play in the hospital cafeteria. I'll come by tomorrow with your clothes. If you need a place to stay, my door's always open, child."

I sank back into sleep feeling safe for the first time in a long while.

I woke up to find a harried looking Edward taking my pulse.

The light hurt my eyes. I batted ineffectively at him with a weak hand.

"Go away and play with a microscope or something dead," I wheezed. "I don't have any bedpans around to throw."

Jane was falling down on the job. I'd have to talk to her.

Edward chuckled. "Don't worry, your nurse more than makes up for it."

"What do you mean?"

His eyes widened. "She's tripped near me twice and splashed me with urine specimens. I swear it feels like she's out to get me." Perhaps that explained why he wore scrubs.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Hey, where did Mrs. Bishop go?"

"That insane pistol-packing granny that lives next door to our house?" Edward's gaze nervously darted for the corners of the room. "She was here?"

"Well, yeah. Just now." I started coughing.

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Seeing as I don't have a watch on, no?"

"What about what day?"

"What is this? Twenty questions? It's Monday. Isn't it?"

Edward ignored my churlish greeting and said, "Bella, it's Wednesday, September tenth. You've been out for twelve hours. How do you feel?"

"Awful."

He sounded like he was panicking. "You're not a complainer. That has to be pretty bad. They're running test results right now. You had a chest x-ray while you were out of it. Here, I brought this for you." He held out a glass of my favorite soda.

The tallest doctor I had ever seen entered the room. He had the build of a wrestler, and made Emmett look like the proverbial ninety-pound weakling that got sand kicked in his face at the beach.

"I'm Dr. Felix. Do you want him," he pointed to Edward, "to hear this? I can kick him out."

Edward crossed his arms and got his, "I'm going to be stubborn," expression pasted into place.

I wanted to kick my ex in several places – definitely out of the room, as well - but I was too chicken to say anything. "Whatever, he'll find out anyway. Go ahead."

"You have a rare strain of the flu, and we're starting you on an anti-viral for it."

The name of whatever I had sounded like nonsense to me. It was all an acronym with for or five letters and numbers. H something or other. Couldn't I catch something with an easy to remember name?

I tugged on Edward's arm. "Mrs. Bishop."

"What about her?"

I touched my cheek, remembering her visit. "She was here. She kissed me. Please check on her and Alice."

Then I started coughing. I turned my head to keep from spreading the germs as I wheezed.

"Of course. But I seriously doubt anything will slow down that . . . bi - battle-ax." Edward sat up straighter and stared at me like Dr. Felix had given me a day to live. "Wait. What did you say she had?" His voice rose and cracked.

Dr. Felix repeated that series of letters like it meant something.

"That's fatal in half the cases!" Edward yelped.

"Yes," Dr. Felix nodded, "but those are in developing countries. I think Bella will get through this."

I tuned out Edward and Dr. Felix's medical jargonese that they babbled at one another. They started talking about different medications that all sounded the same. They all had ivir at the end of them. This was so confusing. How do they keep all the drugs straight if they all sound like the same thing? Edward's hands were flying as he spoke. He only did that when he was excited, upset, or both.

My eyes started to droop as I heard him vowing, "I'll see what the CDC and NIH have to say."

I felt good that I knew the CDC stood for Centers for Disease Control. I wasn't sure what the other thing was.

Jane knocked on the door. "Bella, there's an Esme Cullen here to see you."

Speaking of disease control, I didn't want to wake up for that visit.

"Send her away. I'm contagious." That was better than saying, "Tell her to go pound sand and never darken my door." My tone of voice, however, unequivocally conveyed that message - before I started trying to cough up a lung.

I expected Edward to quibble, but he kept his composure. He patted me on the back, handed me another glass of soda, and said, "You need to stay hydrated. I'll handle Mother."

Dr. Felix and Edward left the room babbling in some hybrid of English and Latin and acronym-ese. I gulped down a glass and reached for sleep with both hands.

Things became confusing after that. I was so hot. I felt like the demons that tormented me in my dreams had spitted me and were turning me over a low flame. I had the strangest nightmares. I was tied to a bed with people wearing masks surrounding me and pointing and laughing while they burned my right arm. I think I cried out for my parents and Edward. Occasionally, I felt someone poking and prodding at me, but I couldn't wake up enough to say anything.

Alice sounded mad. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"She's my sister."

"Really, Jasper? You remembered? Last time I checked, none of you assholes bothered to give a damn what happened to her. Especially during emergencies like last Christmas. I'm ashamed of you. I get Edward going off the rails. I don't get your family abandoning her like that."

He sounded miserable. "So that's why you're not returning my calls–"

"If you can do that to your own sister? You betcha, bucko. We're done."

"You don't understand."

Their voices blurred together. I drifted for a while.

"Happy birthday," Edward said. "Please get better. Please don't die. Bella, please . . ."

Someone poked at my head which hurt a lot. I felt like ants crawled all over my body and stung me while I broiled in a fire and was then dunked in icy water. I tried to explain to the voices around me about the bugs, but they didn't seem to be listening. So I talked louder.

"She's not getting better. We need to try a different regimen. I have a friend at the CDC. . ."

"Ed –"

Someone grabbed my arms.

"Bella, stop fighting. We're here to help."

"Son, you should get some rest."

"She knows nothing. We need to talk to her."

"Dad, I'm fine."

I thought I heard Alec's voice introducing himself. But I wasn't sure.

I pushed the voices away and went back to my dark, safe retreat, where everything was still. The baby kept me company in my dreams, and I could not let him out of my arms. Stroking his soft skin, smelling his sweet scent, and combing his auburn curls, I cradled him to my chest and listened to the sound of his breathing as he gazed at me with a solemn stare. I never wanted to leave. No one could take him away from me here. He waved a chubby fist at me, tugged on my hair, and giggled when I sang him a lullaby.

Esme seemed distraught. "What is she doing?"

Edward sounded like he was crying. "She's singing a lullaby she learned for the baby."

Time passed . . .

"Hurry, man, we don't have much time."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I heard crashes and screaming. Then all the voices became muted, like they were underwater. I sat in a dining room wearing a light blue dress and white gloves with my birth parents. A white marble fountain bubbled next to me. Everything felt so peaceful. The water in the fountain turned to blood as Jasper, Carlisle, Esme and Edward took out knives and began stabbing me. I jerked awake.

"Bella." I opened my eyes to find Jane and Dr. Felix. They both had masks on. Lovely.

"Wha–" I croaked and then coughed. My throat killed. Jane handed me a glass of water and helped me sip from it.

"You're through the worst of it. We should have smooth sailing from now on," Dr. Felix soothed.

When I woke up the next time, I almost felt human. Emmett sat by my bed reading a book. He closed it with a thump.

"Well, look who decided to make an appearance."

I scoffed.

He pointed at his face. "You're just jealous I'm rocking this face mask look. It's the latest fashion around here. Quite popular with the kids in the ER." His had smiley faces all over it. Only Emmett would have a face mask that would make people laugh.

It hurt to think too hard. "Um, sorry I'm not much company." My throat burned when I tried to talk.

"Not your fault you got sick." He leaned back in his plastic chair and put his elbows behind his head. "Besides, it gave me plenty of opportunities to rib Edward, for which I owe you."

"Hunh?"

"Never you mind. He's finally left to get some sleep now that your fever is down. Awfully pig-headed, that ex of yours is. He's been here several days straight."

"He hasn't talked to me in almost a year. I have no idea why he bothers. It's not like he loves me anymore."

For a moment, Emmett looked so sad. "You'll figure it out one day."

Maybe Edward felt guilty or didn't like the bad publicity, from what Mrs. Bishop said? Once again, it seemed like I was getting used by the Cullens. It stung. The sooner I assured my ex that I hadn't told Mrs. Bishop or anyone else that he beat me, the quicker he'd be out of my hair.

"Is Mrs. Bishop okay?"

"She's fine, although she's mad at the hospital."

"Why?"

"The doctors wouldn't let her spoonfeed you the homemade chicken broth she brought. "They did let her leave those." He gestured to a hanger of clothes and a pair of shoes. God bless that woman. Emmett gave me a strange look. "Um, Bella, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but you really need to know."

"Know what?"

"Your sketchpad is all over the news."

I cringed and felt sick to my stomach.

"Oh, no." That was the closest thing to a journal I had.

"I already called your lawyer for you. He's demanded that they be returned to you as they are your property."

"How many of the drawings were shown?"

"Every last one."

I covered my face with my palms. "Oh, God."

Emmett lifted one of my hands, leaned down toward me, and said, "The drawings are powerful, Bella. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm no expert, but they're damn good."

"They're private."

He pointed to the doorway, where I saw a large man standing just outside of my room. He was armed.

"Your door is guarded now."

"Why? Afraid I'm going to escape?"

"We've had a time keeping the media out of your room. Two snuck in and took pictures, and I'm sorry that happened." He put a hand to his heart. "The hospital is picking up forty dollars of your bill as a sign of our overwhelming contrition."

"Pictures of what?"

"You in the bed."

"Was I clothed?"

"Yeah."

"Damn," I snapped my fingers, "there goes my chance to scandalize everyone. Did you get their numbers? Were they at least cute? And – dare I hope – single, too? I'm in the market for a good man."

Emmett's laugh filled up the room.

"I don't think they'll be calling you back. Edward had them arrested after he dislocated both arms of one of them and knocked out the other."

"What?"

"Oh yeah, he went all karate-ace on them. It was ugly. I had to pull him off of them."

"Why?"

That was where Emmett started to squirm. "Um, well, he found the photographer trying to arrange you into a pose so you looked worse. At the time, the man had his hand on your collar tugging it lower."

I gawped and then grimaced. The very idea of someone who wasn't a doctor or nurse handling my body while I was out of it – I felt violated.

"But karma's a bitch." Emmett winked at me.

"Why?"

"Both of them caught what you have. They're in the jail ward of the hospital."

"What did they do to the picture?"

He showed me a magazine. They framed the shot so I almost looked like I was in a coffin. My skin was so pasty from the light that I looked like the low rent vampire version of Rapunzel.

"They sold it to a news network that used it to do a piece about how awful the Cullens were. You and they are the number one story of the day on all the local networks. Some national ones, too, like CNN, just started carrying the story. The film clip was a doozy, but when you add to it your artwork, and your personal life, it's a perfect storm."

I had nothing to say to that. The pictures were awful. I covered my face.

Emmett patted my hand. "Take heart; it's not all bad."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Gloria Allred hasn't volunteered to sue anyone on your behalf yet."

I swatted him – which kind of hurt.

Emmett put the magazine aside and leaned forward. "So, did you come back with any cool tattoos?"

I said, "Just two in the shape of bullet scars." He high-fived me. "There goes my porn career." I sighed as Emmett drank from a soda can. He spit it all over me and my bed.

I squinted my eyes and wiped the liquid from my face. "Gee, thanks, Emmett. I bet you do that to all the girls on the first date."

"Only the hot ones," he chortled, picked up a napkin and batted it at my face as I spluttered and tried to fight him off. "Damn, Bella, you had to go off and develop a wicked sense of humor. I love it."

We both jerked and turned as we heard someone laughing from the doorway. It was Esme.

I had never been one to fly off the handle, but I just lost it seeing her giggling like that, gazing at me with pretend love in her eyes. Like the perfect mother. Like nothing was wrong. Like she had never kicked me out of her life. Abandoned me.

"Leave."

"Bella, honey, I –"

I pointed to the door with a shaking hand. "I am not your honey. You made it abundantly clear how you really feel about me when your family," I sneered the word, "threw me away like trash." My voice broke. "Get out. I won't ask again." Tears poured down my face and I started coughing.

"Ma'am," the security guard said, trying to get Esme's attention.

Esme had the gall to look heartbroken. Her crocodile tears, June Cleaver routine had no effect on me. Bitter experience had taught me to be wiser; I knew better now. I started gasping for breath and doubled over, managing through sheer will to hit the button to summon the nurse. I felt like the world was about to end.

Emmett started barking orders that made no sense to me. He yelled something about oxygen.

"Mrs. Cullen," Jane said, "it might be best if you left. Tanya, get Dr. Felix right now."

I heard Esme protest, "But she's my daughter! I can help. She needs me–"

Emmett put an oxygen mask over my mouth. He injected something into my IV and patted my back. "You heard Bella's wishes, Mrs. Cullen. She doesn't want you to see her like this. Please respect that. Bella, honey, it's going to be okay."

My hands went around my throat. I started to see bright patches of light.

Esme all but shouted, "Carlisle, come quick! It's Bella! She's turning blue!" I couldn't get over how convincingly terrified she sounded. Some actress.

I felt like something squeezed my chest, like I breathed through a straw that had holes poked in it. I tried to suck in breaths but could not get any air. I panicked. Maybe that dying thing was overrated and I wanted to live after all. When did it turn freezing in here? My teeth started chattering. Emmett talked to me, but I had no idea what he said. To me, he didn't sound any different than the adults warbling nonsensical things on the Charlie Brown cartoons I used to watch on TV during the holidays.

Someone patted my back, another reached for my arm. I started shaking all over. I saw Carlisle's hand in front of my face, felt his hand on my jaw and heard Emmett and Edward arguing.

Then the world ended with a whimper and loud bang, and everything went black as darkest night.

**Please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Unbecoming Chapter Five**

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Thanks to the kind folks at The Lemonade Stand that nominated Unbecoming as one of their fics of the week. Thanks as well to The Fictionators for the shout outs as well. Thanks to everyone for your amazing reviews, PMs, tweets, and posts. I read them all. **

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, and detochkina for the beta work. Thanks as well to EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Mamabean30, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading. **

**You can find me on Twitter at BookishQua and on Facebook at Booksgalore (dot) BookishQua. **

**Quick AN on Bella: Keep in mind, the Bella you are meeting when the story opens is in a bad place psychologically. She's grieving, she's depressed, she's also drugged to the gills on pain killer that has her blurting out things she ordinarily would not.**

* * *

><p><em>I dreamed of my childhood. For a shy girl like me, growing up a Cullen proved challenging. The Cullens had a reputation for being charming, polite, ferociously intelligent, and gorgeous. When people looked at me, the youngest in the clan, they found a changeling; someone awkward and average. With my plain brown hair and eyes, I had an easily forgettable face, and a skinny-as-a-rail figure. Everyone in town knew I was adopted. On more occasions than I'd care to remember, I'd heard numerous people comment on how different I looked from the rest of the family. It embarrassed me–made me feel like I didn't belong. Then again, I embarrassed easily. You'd be amazed the things people will say around you when you're known for not talking. Sometimes it seemed almost like they acted as if I wasn't even standing in the room when they'd talk about me. I grew used to being invisible in public.<em>

_One of the most mortifying moments of my life happened when Jay Rogers, our varsity quarterback, tried to get my attention._

_The sun shone brightly, a contrast to the night before. It had rained so hard that most of the Bradford pear trees around me had been stripped of almost all of their leaves. Negotiating my way through the broken twigs, ankle-high piles of soggy leaves, and branches on the ground, I stared at the metal benches. Finding one part of the bleacher that appeared to be clean and dry, I sat at the end of a row. _

_Nose firmly stuck in the cream pages of To Kill a Mockingbird, I lost myself in another world and tuned out the game being played in front of me. Tugging Edward's borrowed baseball cap down to shade my eyes, I turned my head and contemplated moving to sit underneath the branches of a nearby tree. I never saw the ball coming. It slammed against the left side of my skull, knocking me off of the bleachers, and out like a light._

_When I came to on the pavement, I could feel something thin and hard underneath my upper back. Panicked and angry voices raised in a cacophony, and I shivered at the sensation of the soggy leaves that now plastered my chest, neck, and cheek. My head pounded and the skin underneath my eye felt like it was on fire. When I breathed, my ribs ached. I could taste the salty tang of blood in my mouth and it felt like I'd bit the inside of my cheek. The sun shone in my eyes, making a few people around me appear to have shadowed faces crowned by halos._

"_Rogers, you asshole! You just hit Isabella Cullen!" someone yelled right by my ear. _

"_Is she okay? She doesn't look so good," another person whispered. _

"_Man, that ball hit her hard. That had to hurt!" A guy whistled under his breath in what sounded like admiration. _

_Despite the crowd that quickly gathered around me, no one seemed to notice that I was awake. Gingerly, I moved my hand and yanked at something poking into my lower back - a slimy stick. I realized that I was laying on broken branches that last night's thunderstorm had stripped from the nearby trees._

_Our coach bellowed, "What do you have to say for yourself, Rogers?"_

_Jay whined, "Shit! I thought it was a guy. I mean, look at that rack!"_

_The coach stared around in confusion. "What rack?"_

_Jay gestured at me. "Exactly! That's my point. No rack. No hips. Her hair was in the cap, man."_

_He pointed accusingly at Edward's crumpled cap on the ground. It had orange flecks of mud on the brim of it. I gained new empathy with the frogs we dissected in biology as I felt like a specimen laid out on a wax tablet. My nonexistent boobs had become exhibit A in clearing Jay's good name. I wished for the earth to split and suck me under forevermore when I realized all these students standing around me were scrutinizing my chest. _

_Someone said, "Ya'll back up and let the poor girl breathe." _

_Things got fuzzy at that point. I drifted again._

"_Bella?" I heard a soft voice above me and felt someone gently brushing the foliage from my face. "You have leaves everywhere." It was Angela Weber. I was so happy to see a friendly face I started crying quietly. _

_Lauren Mallory elbowed Jay and said, "You jerk! You made her cry."_

"_I didn't mean it! Sorry, Bella," Jay blustered. _

"_My phone. Backpack outer pocket. Call my family, please," I asked Angela. _

_She rummaged into my backpack, grabbed my phone, hit the first entry marked Edward, and called. I noticed just then that my book was torn at the spine and ruined. _

"_Is this Edward? I'm Angela. I'm calling about Bella. No, she's not fine. You're a doctor, right? She got hit in the head with a football and fell off the bleachers. She looks really bad. See?" She snapped a picture of me. "Yes, we did call the ambulance. Um, I don't know; I'll look." She squinted, leaning over me, and stared in my eyes. "Well, yeah, they are. Her head is bleeding. She seems kind of out of it. Okay. No, the ambulance is here. Okay. Bye."_

_The paramedics arrived, and one put a brace around my neck, ensuring that I couldn't move my head. Angela reached over and grabbed my backpack as the EMT's lifted me from the ground._

_I passed out hearing the giggling of the people around me. Some seventeenth birthday._

"_Bella, honey, open your eyes for your Dad."_

_I blinked and winced at the glare of the fluorescent lights._

"_Dad?"_

"_Yes, honey?"_

"_Why am I not at school?"_

"_You were accidentally struck with a football."_

"_Oh."_

"_Jasper is going to take you home just as soon as we run some tests."_

_I hated to ask, but my body hurt all over. "May I please have something for the pain?"_

"_Sure. Barnes, I have surgery. Take over!" Dad kissed me on the cheek carefully and said, "I'm leaving you in good hands."_

_Dr. Barnes flirted with the nurse next to him as he gave me pain medication. Aside from that, he asked a few routine questions and proceeded to ignore me. Two hours later, Jasper helped me walk to the car. It hurt to touch around my right eye. When I slid into the front seat, I saw from the sun visor's mirror that I had the beginnings of a purple eye. Reluctantly, I put on my seat belt, trying to keep it away from my hips. My side really hurt from where I landed after falling off the bleachers. I'd have Dad take a look at it when I got home. For now, I wanted only to get out of there._

_As he turned the key in the ignition, Jasper said, "Bella, as soon as you feel better, I'm going to teach you how to throw and catch a ball."_

"_M'kay."_

"_Hey, aside from your headache, you act like you're upset. What's up?"_

_I whispered, "He said I looked like a boy."_

"_Who?"_

"_Jay Rogers." He was so handsome – almost as good-looking as Edward._

"_Bella, no one in their right mind would think you're a guy."_

"_He did." I sulked._

"_He's a moron. Didn't he flunk freshman year twice?" Jasper was in graduate school; he and Edward were way smarter than me._

_I drowsed the rest of the way home. I remembered the familiar crunch of the tires on our gravel driveway signaled our arrival. My brother was so sweet; he slowed the car down so it wouldn't jostle me. Jasper had barely stopped the car when Edward yanked the passenger-side door open and gallantly offered me a hand._

_He whistled as he pulled me to my feet and said, "Man, that's a great shiner you have, Sunshine."_

_I gaped at him. "You're home?" _

_Edward attended medical school two hours away and I only saw him on holidays._

"_I just got here. When I heard you were taken by ambulance to the ER, you betcha."_

"_I'm fine. Just bruised and muddy."_

_He tossed my backpack to Jasper, and helped me to my bed. Knowing it was my favorite, Jasper brought chocolate ice cream for all of us. I had no appetite, and my face hurt, so I just stirred mine. _

_Edward studied me with a frown and asked, "Did Dad examine you?"_

"_Relax, Edward." Jasper said, "We spent two hours at the hospital. She's fine."_

"_She doesn't look fine." Edward asked me, "What do you remember Dad doing?"_

"_He looked at my eyes for a second and read the tests. He was in a hurry because he had surgery." I twisted to reach the box of tissues and hissed at the pain in my side as my black sweatshirt rode up. Edward and Jasper both cursed at the same time something that I'm too well mannered to repeat._

"_I'm driving." Jasper sprinted from the room._

"_Sorry, you can't have this right now." Before I could ask what was wrong, Edward snatched the bowl of ice cream from my hand, tossed it aside, and carefully scooped me up. He was pressing a towel against my side, and that really smarted._

_We passed Esme, arms laden with groceries, on our way out of the house. She had just arrived. _

"_What's going on?" she asked._

"_It's Bella! Call Dad, tell him to meet us at the ER!" Edward called over his shoulder to our startled mom as he ran out the door carrying me. He stuffed me into the back seat and held me on his lap as Jasper sped down the driveway._

_A white-knuckled Jasper drove like an absolute maniac. The Dukes of Hazzard would have been misty-eyed with pride. Esme would have died of apoplexy had she seen us._

"_Hang on, Bella. We're almost there," he said._

_Edward sounded mad. "I want that jerk's license."_

_I blinked up at him in the dim light of the car. "What?"_

"_Whoever examined you did a miserable job of it."_

_I went limp against him – everything hurt. We arrived at the ER._

_Edward carried me in the door and whispered, "Bella, point out who treated you."_

"_Him with the crewcut. Barnes, I think."_

"_Barnes!" Edward barked._

_Chatting closely with two nurses, Dr. Barnes did not appear to be pleased at the interruption or Edward's tone of voice._

_He smiled so widely I expected to see his teeth gleam. "You again, quiet girl? What's the problem?"_

_Edward's voice was cold. "Get your supervisor, now."_

_He carried me into an examining room._

_One of the nurses asked, "You're Edward Cullen, right?"_

_Barnes crossed his arms, "Just because your family owns the hospital and you're some prodigy in med school doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that. You aren't even a doctor yet, for crying out loud." _

"_Bella fell off the bleachers at school. When she was brought in hours ago, Barnes here was too busy flirting to take care of this." He lifted up the hem of my shirt, and the staff all fell silent and gawped. I had a short stick that had punctured my side. Wow. So that was what hurt. I felt queasy once I saw it. Couldn't they just pull it out with pliers so we could leave? _

"_No fucking way!" Barnes growled._

_The room started twirling around me. "Edward, I really don't feel so good."_

_An older doctor came through the door as Barnes began to splutter, "Hey, she never said anything."_

"_Did you even examine her?" Edward snapped._

"_I thought Dr. Cullen did! He told me to take over."_

"_What's going on here, Edward?"_

_Edward turned to face the older doctor and started waving his arms in the air as he talked, "Uncle Joe, this idiot sent Bella home with a stick embedded in her side."_

_Uncle? How did I not know him?_

_Barnes said, "Quiet girl, let me just look." _

_My eyes widened, "No, please. I'm good."_

_If he couldn't find a stick in my side, there was no way I was letting this joker touch me._

"_Back away from her, you're scaring her," Edward said._

_The room lurched again. I pulled away from Barnes and bumped into the gurney, bringing my hurt side into contact with it. I never knew I could scream that loud. Everything went black._

_When I awoke, Edward sat beside me in a strange room. He had my battered novel To Kill a Mockingbird open._

"_Hey."_

"_You're in recovery. How do you feel? Any pain?"_

"_I'm fine. I feel like a moron."_

"_Why?"_

"_I didn't even notice I had a stick poking out my side. Who does that?"_

_He said, "Bella, that imbecile Barnes gave you a painkiller that was very strong. It was a small part of a branch that didn't hit anything vital. You had on a thick black sweatshirt and black jeans that hid the blood. Don't beat yourself up."_

"_Who is Uncle Joe?"_

"_He's the Chief of Staff here, and also my godfather. He's the one who operated on you. He said you should be fine. You'll barely have a scar."_

_I smiled before a depressing thought hit me. This was the longest I had spent with Edward in ages. "When are you going back?"_

"_When they release you."_

"_But you're missing school." Mom and Dad had explained to me how important school was for Edward, which was why he was away all the time._

_Edward's stroked my cheek with his thumb. "You're way more important. I owe you another copy of this book. Happy birthday, Sunshine."_

_I curled up and listened as he read my book aloud. I loved his voice. He made those announcers on the TV sound bad. Lulled by the sound of it, I fell asleep, feeling safe and loved._

_When I arrived home from the hospital, I found a barely legible card signed by Jay Rogers, along with a wilted white carnation. Stories of my impressive tolerance to pain made the rounds of the neighborhood. Coach Banner declared that if I could walk around with a punctured side without whining, his players could practice harder. _

_Mom heard the "mistaken for a boy," story and decided I needed a new wardrobe. She banned hoodies and baseball caps. Jasper worked with me every weekend on catching and pitching balls. Angela taught me how to use makeup. Six months later, I could barely recognize myself in the mirror. My braces were gone. I had contacts. Maybe now, Edward would notice me. I was tired of waiting. _

A calm Jane fiddled with the green wool blankets around me when I came to.

I let out this croak, which was supposed to mean, "What happened?"

Jane appeared well versed in hysterical patient speak.

"You had yourself a good old-fashioned panic attack and blacked out."

"Bummer. Why do I feel like I'm floating? I can't feel my shoulder." She quickly grabbed my wrist to prevent me from poking at my damaged side.

"Easy, there, Bella. That's the sedatives. They pumped you up with the good stuff. We also upped your pain medication because you struggled a bit and are probably sore. You're going to be seeing Dr. King in an hour."

"For what?"

Jane busied herself by pouring me some water and helping me drink. "Psych consult."

"Why?" I almost spit it out.

"Several people have pointed out that you aren't acting like you normally do. Don't worry. It's common with head injuries like you sustained."

"Is it _normal_ to get shot?"

"Good point. You have been awfully drugged up. Some people get, um, feisty, on pain killer. I think you're one of them."

That made sense to me. I'd never talked this much in my life. When I clobbered Edward with the pill bottle, it felt like some alternate Bella had invaded me. Once I was off the pain killers, I'd go back to normal. I'd be fine.

I had no use for psychiatrists. I snorted at the notion. "Cancel it."

"Okay, Anything else?"

If I was going to be on less pain killer, I couldn't handle any more visits. "I don't want any of the Cullens visiting me."

Jane smiled. "I've already sent Mrs. Cullen away three times."

"You're the _best_."

"Carlisle doesn't come in here. He checks on you from outside. I've seen him taking Esme by the arm and leading her away, so I think you don't need to worry about him. Edward usually only comes when you're asleep. If you're awake, he lurks in the hallway like the Phantom of the fourth floor. Tanya and I are considering making him a face mask to complete the part."

"As long as I don't have to be awake when he's here, I don't care." Then before my good judgment could kick in, I blurted, "What the heck is he doing in here when I sleep?"

Jane's eyes softened. "He sits by you and reads. Every night he brings a different book."

"So he's just sitting there and reading and not bugging anyone?"

Jane fiddled with my chart. "He basically keeps you company all night long. Tanya's taken to calling him your guard dog." She whispered, "We've laid off dousing him with urine specimens for the time being since he's being polite. That could change." She wagged her eyebrows at me.

Oh great, he was doing the charm offensive. He did the whole earnest routine very well, and people eat out of his hand. When did he sleep? Mentally, I kicked myself for that thought. His sleeping or lack thereof was no longer my business.

My head ached all the more when I thought of the ten thousand emails in my old account. I wanted them all to disappear. "I only want to be left alone so I can get out of here."

"They tell us you're very shy."

That earned a jerky nod from me.

"So what else do I need to know about living in the South?"

"Where are you originally from?"

"Maine. Tanya and I came here two months ago."

"Everyone needs a tragic story."

"What?"

"It's a rite of Southern passage that every woman has to have a crazy ex-fiance. No one will look twice at you for living with Tanya if you tell them some Yankee scalawag broke your heart."

Jane grimaced. "I actually have one. He wasn't too happy when I left him three months before our wedding for Tanya. She's his third cousin."

"Even better. Forbidden relations between family members. Take it from me: that's true tragedy material. Once you shed the accent, you'll fit in well here."

"You look beat. Get some rest, and thanks for the tips." Jane left as quietly as she arrived.

Just thinking about Edward and my tragic story made me want to shut the world out and go back to sleep. So I did.

Shortly after I awoke, Emmett found me staring at an unappetizing tray of food.

He sniffed the air and asked, "You like a little food with your garlic?" The omelet that stared up at me did not appear or smell particularly appetizing. Even the onions and peppers looked glum on it.

"Not really. We're a little late for Halloween, but it should keep the vampires away for a while."

He eyed my arm. "They're trying to fatten you up. You could use it."

I took a bite of the lukewarm eggs. The cheese on them tasted like plastic, and the green peppers were slimy; but after what I had seen in Africa, I felt like a horrible person complaining about the food.

"Yeah, um," Emmett cleared his throat and got all still and intense all of a sudden. "You want to tell me why you refused to see the psychiatrist? He looked grumpy when I passed him in the hallway."

"Why would they even send me to one?"

"You mean beside the severe panic attack you had?"

I crossed my arms. "I'm fine."

"Bella, I saw your sketch book."

Ah, those pictures – I didn't know how to use words very well, so instead I used a pencil to draw my demons away. It horrified me that others could see my nightmares. Being invisible had its advantages, and I wanted them all back.

Emmett said, "They're stunning drawings, Bells. I'm no expert, but I think you have a ton of talent. The bits I've seen in the newspaper and on TV have your work getting rave reviews from other artists."

I shook my head in disbelief.

He pulled out a print of one that I had drawn as a self portrait. "What do you see?"

"I see people. And me."

I also recalled what had motivated me to draw it in the first place. I had sat with a woman while she held her dying little girl. I remembered how guilty I felt that I had a the security of knowing that I had a meal waiting for me, when this innocent child did not. Being with this family in that moment felt like a gross invasion of their privacy, and I was at a complete loss how to offer any kind of comfort. I remembered the anguished gasps the woman gave when her daughter went limp for the last time in her arms. She held her the entire night, and no one had the heart to take the child away. The mother died the next day. When her daughter died, it seemed like the life leached from her - I could identify. She was one of the lucky ones. I envied the peace I hoped she'd attained.

Emmett's large hands drew my attention as he pointed to the sketch. He pressed on. "You've drawn yourself standing on the edge away from the others in the picture. You look despondent, and you aren't interacting with anyone."

When did he become an expert on mental health? I gritted my teeth.

"I felt like an outsider in one situation. That's what I drew. Africa wasn't exactly a picnic."

"Bella, based on your behavior that I've been seeing for months I think you're dealing with a bout of clinical depression. You've cut yourself off from people."

"Lots of people get depressed, Emmett. It's no big deal. I can handle it."

"I'm the one that treated you when you came in the ER last Christmas."

"I'm not likely to forget," I whispered, breaking eye contact.

"Did you ever tell Edward what really happened?"

"No, I never got the chance. I don't want him knowing now. It won't do anyone any good. Please respect my privacy."

"He has a right to know. It was his baby, too."

It shocked me that I had tears left to cry. "Emmett. Please. Leave it alone. I can't take this."

"In the past year you've been to hell and back. And you're engaging in risk-taking behavior."

"By what? Laying in my bed and eating my lunch? Refusing to see the great Esme Cullen?"

"Sparky, I also saw that film." He sounded so sad.

It sucked the oxygen from the room.

"Oh." I didn't know what to say. I dabbed at my eyes with the edge of the sheet.

Emmett said, "I think you wanted that soldier to shoot you."

I said nothing. I would gladly have given my life to protect Peter.

"You've been showing signs of suicidal ideation, Bella. Do you want me to list them?"

Squirming, I answered, "No. I'm not suicidal. I just am not afraid of dying."

"Can you expand on that please? Explain why I should not be concerned about your views on death and your mortality."

"No one would think twice if I was a soldier and said I was willing to lay down my life to protect a child. Right?"

Emmett rested his elbows on the table, steepling his hands. "Yes, but the soldier is willing to use force to achieve a goal, while hoping that his own death won't be the end result."

Emmett kept rummaging through a pile of papers he had in his hand. "What about this one?" He held up a drawing and I flinched.

It was the most ghastly thing I'd ever drawn. I had stumbled upon an abandoned little boy. He was naked and covered in grime. His little belly was bloated. He just laid there on the ground staring solemnly at the vulture at his feet, ignoring the fat flies that buzzed around him. The bird eyed him patiently, like some kind of living gargoyle, waiting for him to die. With my foot I shooed the vulture away, gently picked up the little boy, and ran with him to Alec. He looked so frightened. I simply could not understand how any parent could leave a small child to die in the broiling sun alone and terrified. The little boy passed from this earth twenty minutes later in Alec's arms. I never learned his name.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save him," I wiped away futile tears as Alec laid his body down.

"Maybe he was meant to save you." Alec patted my back. "Come, there's more food to give out."

"Where'd you go just then, Bella?" Emmett waved a hand in front of my face.

"I really don't want to talk about that picture." My voice broke. "Can we just leave it at I've not been actively trying to die?" I pushed my hair out of my face with a shaking hand. God, I hated talking at times like this. Words escaped me. I didn't think well on my feet. Instead, I sat there a frustrated, hand-wringing, high-strung mess.

He waited for a moment or two, allowing the silence to soak into the room. His words were soft when he finally offered them. "How long have you _inactively_ been trying to die?"

I couldn't look at him. I stared at my lap and toyed with my fingers. My old manicurist would weep at the sight of my mangled cuticles. "A while."

"You have so much to live for, Bella."

Emmett's quiet conviction saddened me. He was so wrong. He had no idea that I deserved every bad thing that happened to me. No wonder the Cullens kicked me out.

"I have nothing and you know it."

No one really loved me. Life had shown me over and over that I was disposable. Everything I touched either died or left.

"I would care if you died. Alice would be devastated."

"You'd get over it. Both of you are strong."

"I've been watching the news."

I tried to divert his attention. "Did they say what happened to the soldier that shot me?"

Emmett smiled and it wasn't a nice one. "Yeah. That asshole is definitely dead. Someone shot him full of bullets. I saw the picture of what was left of his head. They think the mob around you killed him with his own gun and chased off the others that were with him."

I should probably care about that. Instead of being overwhelmed with some kind of vindictive satisfaction, I felt nothing but jealousy. Even the assholes got to die before me.

"You're being celebrated for your courage, you know. What you did was _dumb_ as all get out. But brave. You saved that little boy. From what I've heard, money has been pouring into the charity that you work for."

"Oh. Has there been any word on Peter and his mother?"

"Not anything broadcast over the news." He saw my face fall. "You've made a difference in that struggle, Bella. That's not easily dismissed." Emmett continued as I studied my split nails. "There's a flip side, though."

"What's that?"

"Reporters have started digging in to your past."

They already unearthed and showed the equivalent of my diary to the world. They couldn't hurt me more than they already had. At least that's what I frantically repeated to myself to keep from hyperventilating.

Weakly, I croaked and pulled at my drying throat. "There's nothing to find."

Emmett stared down at his hands. "I didn't want to tell you this, but the Cullens are taking a pounding in the press."

I said nothing. I didn't want to think about them hurting.

"It's starting to get out of control." Emmett sighed.

"What do you mean? The worst thing people could do is shun them. Right?"

"Last night someone broke into Edward's lab and left him a gift of toads hopping all over the place."

"Toads?" Sounds like a prank that Emmett would pull. "Like one or two of them, right? A few toads won't hurt anyone."

"No. More like five hundred. The police are trying to figure out where they came from."

"Wow." My eyes crossed merely thinking about catching all those slimy green jumpers. Edward was so picky about his lab. I winced thinking of his face when he first walked in and discovered the invasion by the frogs. I could easily imagine that he had a spectacular meltdown.

Emmett continued, "They had to call the janitors to help chase after them. I think they're still trying to round them all up."

"That's really weird."

"It's gone beyond weird into scary."

"How? Edward does not have a deathly fear of frogs."

Emmett began ticking points off on his fingers. "The newspaper says that Edward and Esme both have had death threats. Edward's car was vandalized. Carlisle has had many of his regular patients ask to have their files sent to other doctors. Someone broke into and trashed Jasper's apartment." He'd reached his pinky finger by now. "Another someone fire-bombed your in-law's living room last night. It's all over the front page."

I tried to ignore the tightening of my chest. My fingers started to tingle, so I clasped them together. "Was anyone hurt?" I guess that made me a decent person for asking that. Frankly, I was tempted to tell him I had an alibi and that they were my _ex_-in-laws.

"Only their insurance agent's pocketbook. The fire was quickly put out. Jasper is getting a new security system. Esme is in the hospital, though, because of her heart - it's just a precaution. Carlisle burned his hands putting out the fire, so he has to take some time off from work. The latest prank on Edward creeped everyone out."

"What do you mean?"

"Someone left the head of a pig in his car next to a bag of dog shit. Thank God it's not summer."

"Good thing he has leather seats."

It hurt thinking of them suffering. On the other hand, it also explained why my former family wouldn't leave me alone. With the press watching, and the _hoi polloi_ feasting upon their entrails in the morning paper, they suddenly discovered a functioning conscience.

Emmett said, "Look at me. You've gone sheet white. I've freaked you out again. I'm sorry."

Instead of agreeing with him, I blurted the first random thing that came to mind. "I want the Cullens to stay away. They don't mean it anyway."

Emmett looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"They only care about looking good for the cameras. I don't feel like playing that game."

"Has Edward ever struck you as the type that gave a damn what other people thought?"

"No." My voice sounded so small. I'd told Emmett very little about the circumstances of my divorce. "But I can't say the same about the rest of his family. Put yourself in my shoes."

"That would mean you'd have to help me see how you feel, Bella."

"I know you're friendly with Edward. I didn't want you to feel caught in the middle."

"First, Edward and I don't talk about the divorce. Second, I'm a big boy. Lay it on me, sister."

I'd only told Mrs. Bishop. I didn't even know where to begin, so I went for the short version. "A few days before Christmas, without giving me a reason why, Edward told me he was divorcing me. He left and wouldn't take or return my calls. All the rest of the Cullens stopped speaking to me that day, too. When they got back into town, they even changed all their phone numbers and made them unlisted."

"Bella, that sucks," Emmett was a master of understatement. "There's got to be more to that story than you or I know."

I almost snarled and instead said, "And now he and his family want to talk to me when the media is howling what they did from the rooftops? I don't think so." I glared out the window.

"Look, this is me, your friend, talking here. I think you and Edward should talk. I'll keep him from pestering you, but I don't think you should send him away – you might find out what crawled up him and died and made him decide to divorce you. His parents and brother? They can fuck off."

"_Jasper_ tried to see me?"

"He's come by three times with Esme. Jane took care of them." He chuckled. "She's devious, that one. She threw Alice in front of the boy. Sparks flew. Our tiny friend ripped off his head and spit down the stump."

Jasper and I were close growing up. He protected me from overbearing people that wanted to "make" me talk, and he didn't pester me. He was the first one I called when Edward left, and the first one to ignore my frantic messages. It still stung.

"Will you reconsider talking to Dr. King? Please? For me?" Emmett batted his eyelashes at me. Brat.

I fiddled with the border of my blanket and dodged his request. "I promise I won't do anything stupid. They can't fix me, Em."

"Just think about it." His phone rang and he looked at the screen. "Crap. I'm so sorry, but I have to take this." He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "You matter, Bella. The world would seriously suck without you in it."

Once he left the room, I curled up into a ball. I was too numb to cry. The stress from that conversation proved more than I could handle.

Emmett proved to be true to his word. The Cullens left me in peace. Well, _almost_ in peace. I suppose since I refused to see the psychiatrist, someone was with me all the time. Guards stayed posted outside of my room round the clock. I was never left alone.

"You're healing well." Jane commented as she changed my bandage in the bathroom the next morning. I finally got to see my shoulder and side. Everything looked raised purple and red - ugly - like me.

Also, a young guy named Mike Newton promised to come in and make me go to physical therapy once the doctors approved it. Since it would get me out of the bed, I had few complaints. Okay, maybe I had one.

Alice came by at dinner to see me.

I asked, "Can I borrow your cell phone?"

"Sure. But what happened to yours?"

"I canceled the account when I left the country. Won't do me much good in Africa."

"Oh. Good point." She handed me the phone. "Who do you need to call?"

"Edward made sure that my employer won't take me back."

By the expression on Alice's face, if Edward had been in the room at that moment, he would have been a dead man. Her voice rose. "He did _what_?"

"The jerk bribed them to put me on an indefinite leave of absence. I need a job."

Alice shook her head. "That boy. For someone so bright, he can be such a moron. If the media gets wind of this, he's dead."

"I have no idea what his problem is, but I'm not going to let them win."

"The Cullens are getting pounded in the papers right now for how they treated you during and after the divorce. People keep stepping forward with stories."

"That's still going on? Why? Who cares? I'm yesterday's news."

"Everyone likes to see the powerful be humbled, Bella. _Schadenfreude_ is a new spectator sport in town. It's pretty vicious." She said that matter-of-factly.

I didn't even know what to think about that. It didn't make me happy hearing about them being treated that way. Yet I also inwardly cringed, thinking of my private business being bandied about like that.

"Jasper had two job offers withdrawn." My former brother-in-law had graduated with a Ph.D. in History. Historians appeared to be a long-lived bunch that clung to their jobs with white knuckles. Positions in his narrow field were hard to come by.

"That's got to be frustrating." Jasper was brilliant. His students sang his praises. That had to hurt.

"Bella, will you consider something?"

"What?"

"It might take the pressure off of you if you consider having your attorney make a statement on your behalf clarifying that Edward did not beat you."

"What?"

"That's what the latest papers are now implying."

"How did _that_ make the news? He never laid a hand on me, Alice, I swear."

"They ran with Mrs. Bishop's story and made it sound like he caused you to miscarry by assaulting you."

Before I could stop them, images from that night swooped up and dove into my mind. I picked then to hyperventilate.

Tanya came running at Alice's yelp. Two sedatives later she glared at Alice and said, "No more upsetting her."

Alice said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stress you out."

Once I could speak, I asked Alice, "Can I borrow your phone again?" I handed her back the paper sack I'd been breathing into.

Tanya pointed two spread fingers at her own face and warned Alice on her way out, "Got my eye on you, Brandon."

Alice nodded at Tanya and said to me, "Sure."

I called my lawyer. "Mr. Jenks, this is Bella Swan."

"Young lady, I've been mighty worried about you."

"I'm doing better, thank you. I need you to handle something for me."

"Of course."

"The news channels have been implying that Edward beat me last Christmas."

"Yes, I'm familiar with the stories. Darn muckrakers. Don't know what this country is coming to."

"Edward was out of town and he never laid a hand on me. I wouldn't protect him if he did. Not after everything I've been through."

He sounded wistful for a moment. "Do you want me to sue anyone?"

"No, I'd like you to issue a statement to the press on my behalf."

"I'll get on it right away. I hate to ask, but have you signed any agreements with anyone?"

"For what?"

"Representation, book deals, movie deals, endorsements, that sort of thing."

My voice shook. "Are they saying_ that_, too?"

"It has been reported on several channels. I presume you want nothing to do with such nonsense."

"That's correct, sir."

"It can't hurt to distance you from the Cullens right now. Where can I reach you?"

"I don't have a phone, but my friend Alice does, this is her number. You can always get a message to me here, or email me." I gave him my new address.

"Consider it done. You rest now. Oh, and I got your sketches back from the Associated Press. I'll drop them by your room tomorrow."

"Great. Thanks so much. Bye." I ended the call.

"You've been keeping things from me."

"Yeah." Alice confessed.

"Good work. Keep it up." I high fived her.

An hour later, Alice looked up from her phone and said, "The statement has hit the press." She handed me my laptop.

"Can I see?"

"Yeah, he did a good job."

I could all but hear Mr. Jenks' thick drawl as I read the words.

"My client, Ms. Isabella Swan has asked me to address allegations of physical abuse that several irresponsible news outlets have made against her ex-husband. Ms. Swan wants people to know that Mr. Cullen never physically abused her during the entire course of their relationship. Considering the acrimonious nature of their divorce, Ms Swan wants the public to know she has no reason to cover for Mr. Cullen. More specifically, she wants people to understand that he had nothing to do with the tragic events of last Christmas, when she miscarried their child. He and his family were out of town and played no role in the sad affair. Any outlets who imply otherwise, open themselves to legal action. This is all that we are willing to say about the matter. No more statements will be released. Additionally, Ms. Swan will not be giving any interviews, signing with a talent agency, selling her life story, or making endorsement deals as has also been incorrectly reported in the news. While we appreciate the overwhelming support that has been given to Ms. Swan, we ask that you leave her in peace."

Over the course of three days, I had three job interviews using Alice's cell phone. After contacting by email every major aid organization that served Africa, that was the best I could do.

The first two ended abruptly and left me scratching my head. Both groups said they no longer had an opening. The third call blew my mind.

I hated talking in general, and speaking on the phone to complete strangers in particular. Trying to calm myself, I took a deep breath and stared out the window at the frozen pine trees. I liked how they bent in the bitter wind that blew in from the West, but refused to break.

All too soon, my contact answered the phone. "Jamie here." He had a strong Boston accent.

"Hi, Jamie. It's Bella Swan."

"Oh, say, sorry we need to cancel the interview."

"When do you want to reschedule?"

"Look I'll just be blunt with you. Your family has put the word out that you aren't to be hired because of your health. Something about you having the bird flu. I'm sorry. You're a brave woman. I wish you the best. I have to go." He quickly ended the call as I gawped stupidly at the phone.

**Please review. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Unbecoming Chapter Six **

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, and detochkina for the beta work above and beyond the call of duty. Thanks as well to EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Mamabean30, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.**

**Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. And keeping me entertained on Twitter. **

_Last chapter:_

_"Look I'll just be blunt with you. Your family has put the word out that you aren't to be hired because of your health. Something about you having the bird flu. I'm sorry. You're a brave woman. I wish you the best. I have to go." He quickly ended the call as I gawped stupidly at the phone._

* * *

><p>I pulled the phone away and stared at the mouthpiece as if it had morphed into a shrunken head before my eyes – one that could give me a semi-rational explanation. My contact acted as if I could sicken him from here. Suddenly, I had sympathy with the proverbial greedy kid waving his arms in front of a paper-mache piñata as he sees the brightly colored candy exploding from within. He's so hypnotized by the phantom flavors of incipient sugar, he neglects to watch out for the polished wood of the baseball bat that clobbers him upside the head.<p>

Pain in my hand caused by my death grip on the hard plastic brought me back to reality. I didn't think Alice would appreciate it if I ran over her phone, like I did my old one. Then, there was the problem with not owning a car anymore to do my dirty work for me, but I'd bet my last dollar that Mrs. Bishop's twenty-year old Cadillac would do in a pinch.

Where the blazes did they get off spreading news to complete strangers about my health? What the heck was the bird flu? I thought I had some virus with H's and numbers in it, not avian fauna. Once I started mentally ranting, it proved hard to stop.

Why were they being so spiteful? The Cullens didn't even _want _me anymore. Perdition would freeze over before I issued any more statements to help them. Fate needed to find herself another bitch. I was done. I planned on going back to my quiet cowardice. Speaking out blew up in my face like a gag cigar.

The tender spot in the back of my skull pounded as I pondered my predicament. I avoided newspapers and Internet news sites. The television stayed off. My life worked better that way, surviving in my own little protected bubble of reality.

If I gave it a few more days, the interest in me would vanish and they'd find another person to pester. There was nothing special about me worth waiting for. I'd told the press to go away and I wasn't going to change my mind. I might not be very brave, but I'd settle for stubborn.

I had the same tight feeling of helplessness sloshing around in my chest that I experienced when I'd been fired by Sister Agnes. I had worked so hard to get away from Bella Cullen. She died months ago, unmourned, of a broken heart. I left her battered corpse in an unmarked grave and no one could force me to visit her remains or resurrect her life.

In a perfect world, I suppose I could imagine myself stomping up to my former spouse and family and confronting them, but I'd never been much of a talker. They'd walk right over me. I knew I couldn't make them listen and I detested conflict. The anguish of the past year only seared that belief into my soul. Maybe I could sue, but I loathed litigation. It made more sense to simply get out of town as soon as possible and continue on with my life.

"Bella?" Tanya knocked softly at the door. "We need to let the janitor clean the room. Do you mind?"

"Fine."

I jumped when I saw the rumpled man who shuffled into my room. Liam was a distant cousin of Uncle Eleazar's that I'd grown up seeing standing alone at the edges of family events. He was developmentally disabled, in his forties, with wispy hair, soulful dark brown eyes, and a bulbous nose. We'd never spoken before.

He kept this invisible barrier around him that everyone honored. Liam did not touch, or like to be touched by others, and avoided eye contact. On the rare occasion when he did speak, the words were dragged out like salt-water taffy and few in number.

He worked quickly. I heard rustling and turned to find him standing near my bed leaning on his mop. He reached into the pocket of his overalls.

Liam solemnly placed a tiny sampler of chocolate from the hospital gift shop on the bedside table. Someone had put a pink bow on it for him. By the crumpled state of the cardboard, it looked like he'd carried the box around for a while. He met my eyes for a brief moment. I could have sworn he seemed scared.

I sat up straighter. "Thank you, Liam. Will you please have some with me?"

"No, missy." He blushed and shifted from foot to foot.

"Sure you can. You like chocolate, don't you?"

He grinned shyly, a little boy trapped in a grown man's body. "Yeah."

When I opened the box, I found that the chocolates were melted. I handed him one. It vanished so quickly I barely registered that it had ever been on my hand in the first place. Another one followed.

"Work. Bye. You better, please."

He absentmindedly patted the aluminum railing of my bed and shuffled from the room without a glance back, lost in his own little world.

I felt even more lonely than before in my dim room as I stared at the misshapen lumps of chocolate wearing battered wax-paper bonnets in the box. That was the first time Liam had ever talked to me and probably would be the last. Ironically, he was the closest thing to my old family I could tolerate.

"You okay?" Tanya asked. "He didn't upset you, did he?"

I plastered an artificial smile on my cheeks. "No. He's harmless."

"He's been here before, but you were always asleep."

She chuckled.

"What?"

"When you were really sick Edward camped out here, and refused to leave. Liam was the only person that could get him to step outside the room without even having to say a word. Liam would hold up his mop and Edward would all but fly out of here. He'd pace in the hall waiting for the floor to dry."

I could see my germ-phobic hus - ex-husband agreeing to allow my room to be scoured. Maybe Liam needed to come by more often.

She left and once again I reveled in my solitude. I'd always been a loner. Things were easier that way.

Edward must have rediscovered his heretofore hibernating sense of self-preservation and detected my mood. He had to know that I'd figure out sooner or later his shenanigans. So the weasel stayed out of my sight. The rest of the Cullens did too.

Mr. Jenks came to see me the next day for a social visit.

"If I were hurt, and couldn't communicate for myself, who would the doctors go to?" I asked.

He wiped at his glasses with a white handkerchief. "Your next of kin."

"So the Cullens, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. Unless you set up something legal giving someone else a power of attorney to act in your behalf."

I slumped my shoulders. All the laws in the world could not undo the culture of a Southern town - where women were always someone's daughter regardless of age.

Mr. Jenks asked, "Do you want me to?"

Before I could change my mind, I blurted, "Please draw something up that gives Mrs. Bishop medical power of attorney."

"I think that's a wise choice." Mr. Jenks tipped his hat as he left.

I decided to pull a Scarlett O'Hara and think about my problems tomorrow. Somewhere in the universe, Little Orphan Annie flipped me the bird.

"What's the ruling?" Jane briskly placed my lunch tray on my bed as she saw Dr. Felix leave the room. She found out about my secret love of caramels and had been sneaking a few on my trays. I adored her for it even if I didn't eat them.

"He keeps finding things wrong with me. I'm waiting for that man to diagnose me with a terminal case of split ends."

"You've got a ways to go, Bella. Yet you do seem to be getting better."

Funny, I sure didn't feel that way.

Although I had rarely been sick a day in my life, now it seemed that my body made up for lost time. It frustrated the life out of me. I only wanted to go back to Africa and finish my job. I slept far more than I was used to, and as much as I hated to admit it, this virus had knocked me flat. So I stayed huddled in my room and did my best to hide how miserable I felt. No one likes a whiner.

According to Jane and Tanya, Edward waited until I fell asleep and continued his vigil by my bedside. We got along infinitely better that way. As much as I hated to admit it, I slept better knowing he sat nearby. Old habits die hard. I guess that meant I'd have to let him live longer until his usefulness wore out. Maybe I could borrow Liam's rag mop and stake Edward. The possibilities were endless.

I fell into a restless sleep. My dreams when they came were unwelcome. I walked in the pitch black inside my old house. It was that night that I didn't like to think about. I saw the empty face in front of me turn into the soldier from Africa. He pointed a gun at me and a whimpering Peter. As I screamed, he pulled the trigger. I jerked awake to find Emmett tapping away at the laptop.

"You don't look so hot, Bells," Emmett commented. He ignored that I laid there a jittery mess while I tried to get my breathing under control.

I avoided looking in the mirror, so wasn't sure what to say.

"I'm sorry," he said. Emmett wore this odd expression, like he was afraid I was going to explode any second.

"For what?"

"I did some reading up on where you were in Africa, and thought about what I would draw if I were there."

"You did?"

"Well, it wouldn't be pretty. I can't draw for shit. It took guts to put all that stuff down on paper. You are one bad Mama Jama." He put his hand over his heart, and hummed the old tune. "I pushed you too hard the other day. I'll be on my best behavior."

"You're a good man, Emmett. Can you please do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Do what you can to keep the Cullens from getting a hold of my medical files."

"Like your charts now?"

"Yes. But also. Earlier." The penny dropped. "You know Edward."

"Did you forget? You asked me that already."

"I did?"

"Yeah. A few days back. I turned it over to our hospital geek squad. We had someone try to hack into your file a few days back. Damn reporters."

"Did they get anything?"

"No. The hospital's head of IT is all pissy about the almost breach. He's got his eyes open. Your file's on lockdown. No one looks at it who isn't supposed to."

"I thought this would blow over by now."

"It's not as crazy as it once was, yeah. Just give it some time."

Then his phone rang.

"Gotta go back to the salt mines. It never ends around here."

I waved at his back as he lumbered from the room.

Once he was gone, I sank into the bed and searched my memory. It felt like I'd never asked him about the records. And that scared me. Emmett wouldn't lie about something like that.

Although she refrained from acting obnoxious about it, Alice kept indirectly hinting for me to see Dr. King, who actually stopped by my room once or twice to say hello. The people around me didn't seem to realize that I was irrevocably shattered and their work wasted. People like me didn't deserve their concern.

Mrs. Bishop came to see me every day, usually carrying a stack of magazines with her. I nearly cried when I saw she brought her back issues of _Southern Living_. We sat over them and oohed and ah'ed at the recipes and gardens and houses that we found within. She also brought me a mini sketch pad and a box of pencils.

"Here. Give you something to keep your head busy. No one will walk off with that."

I ran my fingers over the paper. I always did that before I drew something, like channeling the energy I needed to use before I let my imagination loose. This time, nothing came to mind.

Mrs. Bishop didn't try to tell me how to live my life, although she did make me pull the blinds open and let some light into my typically dark room. She taught me card games like cribbage and how to crochet.

I handed her a packet of papers. My voice cracked. "I . . . need a favor."

"Sure, darlin'." She patted her purse. "Who do you want me to knock off? I'm carrying my favorite gun today."

Once I stopped coughing, I asked, "Would you accept handling a medical power of attorney on my behalf? It's just in case of an emergency. You're like my next of kin."

"Do we need to have a blood ceremony?" She grinned.

I held up my crochet hook. "How about we cross swords?" I reached out and tapped mine against hers solemnly.

"Of course, dear. Welcome to the family. Just hand 'em over." She had such elegant handwriting. "I'll drop these off at your attorney's on my way home."

I brushed away tears from my eyes. Part of me had feared she'd refuse. "Thank you so much."

"You're worth it, dollface" She patted my cheek. "I know how you are about keeping promises. I need you to make me one."

"What do you need?"

"I need you to promise to come to me when you're hurting. I'm now your kin and that's my duty. I need you to know you have a home with me and always will, no questions asked. I need you to understand that you're loved very much, and that means I get to nag you when I want, too."

"Deal."

"One last thing."

"What?" I sniffed and mopped at the corners of my eyes with my sheet.

"When you decide you're ready to talk about whatever it is that's eating you away from inside, you give me a holler."

"Yes, ma'am."

She acted as if nothing special had happened.

"I might not be able to come for a few days," Mrs. Bishop warned when we were done playing gin rummy.

"Why?"

"A snow storm's blowing in tonight. Everyone went running like chickens with their heads cut off to the grocery store and bought all the bread, milk, eggs, and batteries. Whole city is battening down the hatches. Mr. Williams down the way brought me a cord of firewood, so I'll be fine."

"All this over a little snow? Isn't it supposed to be less than a foot?" Jane asked as she came to change my IV.

I stage-whispered to Mrs. Bishop, "She's a transplanted Yankee. We have to educate her about living down here."

"Ah." Mrs. Bishop beamed. "That's another thing about living in the South. The slightest amount of snow on the ground causes mass hysteria. Everyone stays home and makes believe it's a blizzard. Power usually goes out."

Jane furrowed her brow at us. "You're kidding, right? Don't they have work crews clearing the streets?"

"Maybe a few, like the road to the hospital and airport. But we don't have the money or equipment to take care of the city like you Northerners would. Besides, no one drives. We sit at home and wait for it to melt. Have ourselves a nice vacation."

"That's crazy." Jane rolled her eyes.

Mrs. Bishop laughed. "Girl, here we don't call it crazy. We just call it eccentric."

We clustered together around the window and watched the thick fluffy flakes blanket the earth.

"What are you staring at so intently?" Tanya whispered.

I blinked at her. "The snow falling."

"Really?" Jane crinkled her nose. "It's only snow."

"Round here, girls, we call this entertainment." Mrs. Bishop clicked her tongue.

"So you sit and watch the snow fall?" Tanya clearly thought we were insane.

"Yup." Mrs. Bishop pointed. "Look at that tree over yonder. It's almost completely covered. You can see the cardinal sitting near the top." The fading light made the world almost appear blue.

Mrs. Bishop took her leave. I crocheted for a while and when my eyes began to droop contemplated going to bed early. The wind had picked up outside. I could hear the branches rattling as snow showered everything in sight. Then the world went black.

I started panting looking around. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I grabbed my chest and tried to breathe. I could hear people shuffling around in the dark swearing as they flipped the lights in vain.

"Bella?" Jane fumbled around in the dark until she found my side. I heard drawers sliding shut and then a light clicked on. "I got you a flashlight. You okay?" She placed it on my bed. I heard her fiddling with my IV.

I reached for the cylinder like it was the lone crucifix in a room full of ravenous vampires.

"They're working with the emergency generator. Should be up in a second or two." She watched me heave with a panic attack while holding my hand.

It felt like an eternity later when we heard the hum of the electricity kicking in and the power came back online. Everything outside remained inky black.

"I'll just leave the light on for you,." Jane said as she left to check on another patient.

The sedatives kicked in and I fell asleep clutching the light to my chest like a teddy bear.

About eight inches fell overnight so said Tanya. It draped across the branches of the majestic pines that surrounded the hospital. Their skirts bowed under the weight of ribbons and bows of the stuff. Their trunks were bedazzled with iciles that caught the light.

I smelled a trace of Edward's cologne and found a rumpled blanket in the chair by my bed. Usually, he sat farther away on the other side of the room.

"He was here last night?" I asked Tanya as she folded the blanket and put it in a cabinet.

"All night. He left about ten minutes ago. He told Jane he had moved in until the storm was over. He was positively twitchy last night. Man's got it bad. I can always tell. He left a few flashlights behind in the drawer. Good ones."

"Whatever," I muttered.

He was probably guarding his lab against further amphibious assault. I definitely pretended not to hear one of the nurses in the hallway comment that all four of Edward's tires had been slashed during the night.

Perhaps it was spiteful, but I didn't open any of the books he left me. I asked Jane to stick them in the small chest of drawers so I wouldn't have to see them waving their covers flirtatiously at me, the literary strumpets. The mini sketch pad that I could not fill sat by them, sulking like a wallflower in a room full of belles.

"And where have you been?" I asked an unshaven, bleary-eyed Emmett when he stopped by for an afternoon visit.

"Oh, I just met the Future Mrs. Emmett McCarty last night. I stopped by an accident scene on the way home and she was helping. What a woman. I'm a goner."

"Who is she?"

"Don't know. She wouldn't give me her name. Said I looked like a stalker. I gave her my number though so she'd know where to send the restraining order. She'll call." He tapped his temple. "I just know these things."

He tossed something on my bed. "Merry early Christmas." He faltered when he noticed I stiffened at his unseasonal greeting. "I brought you something."

He pushed the box across the blanket towards me.

"What's this for?"

I ignored the reference to the holiday and opened it gently. Inside I found an e-reader.

"I know you like traveling light. You can keep all your books on that. I downloaded a bunch of free ones on it for you."

"Thanks, Emmett." I hesitated and then just went for it. "Do I even want to know why I have more armed men outside my room?"

His manner became cautious, and I braced for more bad news. "You know those reporters that snuck in here and took pictures of you?"

"Yes. My attorney is chomping at the bit to sue them."

"No worries on that score. They're dead."

"Both of them?"

"Yeah. Last night."

"How?"

"One from the disease, and the other broke his neck."

My mouth flapped uselessly. I had no idea what to even begin to say. Apparently, I didn't even need to be conscious to be the kiss of death. I cringed. I never wanted anything bad to happen to those men. Well, not bad like _that_. I wasn't petty. Or vindictive. I would have happily settled for a teensy bit of world-wide humiliation or public shaming.

"Oh. So why do I need guards? Are they afraid I'm the new Typhoid Mary running around getting people sick?"

"From the rumor mill, I hear the scene looked suspicious. Remember, they were both under arrest in a secure part of the hospital. Then they both turn up dead. Don't worry, Edward has an alibi. He was in here in plain view of the guards."

"I'm not contagious anymore, though. Right?"

"Yeah, you've been out of the woods for the past few days. That's why we aren't wearing face masks around you. But if I had to guess, I'd say that's one reason why you have more guards around."

"What's the other?"

"Until the authorities find out who's behind all that crazy stuff that's been going on with the Cullens, it can't hurt to have people keeping an eye on you. Pissed off readers don't throw firebombs at houses. They just don't."

I hated feeling this way. I shouldn't care what happened to them.

He noticed me rubbing at my chest, a habit I'd picked up when stressed.

"Let's talk about something else. You've gone all pale again."

After that, Emmett and I settled into our own version of "Don't ask. Don't tell."

I'd often compared being cut out of the Cullens to almost like having a phantom limb. I could feel the sensation where the body part belonged, yet knew looking at the empty space that nothing really was present. It angered me that occasionally, I'd catch myself missing my family. My old family. Back when they loved me or did a darn good job pretending to feel that sentiment.

_When life settled back to the new normal after the episode at the hospital, I noticed people tended to stare at my breasts or side when they thought I wasn't looking. Esme dragged me to the store and talked me into trying on these bras that basically squashed my poor flesh into something that resembled a bosom, and made it hard to breathe at the same time._

_She gave me a firm look when she noticed my quivering lower lip and said, "Bella, being a woman is not always easy. There are some things you have to get used to. This will help your posture."_

_What was the point of having correct posture if you were miserable and blue from lack of oxygen?_

_I wanted nothing more than to seek the shelter of Edward's oversized fluffy sweatshirts. They had lost his scent, but I still felt safe wearing them. Feeling the soft cotton of his shirt against my bare skin made me feel that he was watching over me in some way. Mom had banned me from wearing them in public. She couldn't do a thing about what I put on at night, so long as I was decent. He'd also kept his promise and bought me another hardback copy of To Kill a Mockingbird. I never would have admitted it to a soul, but I slept with it under my pillow. It still smelled of him._

_My family and I were at the Fall Festival that our church put on to raise money for the parochial school. Edward had come down for the event, something he'd never done before. Mother had persuaded me to wear my Sunday best. I felt like I played dress up, wearing her borrowed pearls over my green sundress. I'd even spritzed on perfume after putting on makeup._

_I passed the gingham covered fold-out tables that groaned under the collective tonnage of pastel Jell-O molds, golden flaked double-crust apple pies, and lemon frosted Bundt cakes. The beckoning trays of Mississippi Mud bubbled alongside the platters of brownies, fudge, and milk chocolate chip cookies. Their combined aromas followed me with a siren's call as I made my way to the restroom past the barbeque pit._

_Reflexively, I ducked behind a rhododendron bush when the wind carried my name in a sharp tone and spilled it upon my forehead._

"_Watch out, the virginal princess Cullen is almost upon us. Should we let her cut in line?"_

"_Jess," Angela snapped. "Why are you always ragging on Bella? What's she ever done to you?"_

"_I'd like to hear that answer as well, young lady," came the voice of Mrs. Stanley._

_At that point I really didn't want to be found. That woman, so said my mother, was the town's worst gossip. Dad joked that her tongue belonged hanging in a butcher shop window._

_Edward agreed and said if she bit her own tongue she'd die of ptomaine poisoning._

_Jessica's grating voice drew me back into eavesdropping in the shrubbery._

"_She's had everything handed to her all her life. Edward ignores me."_

_Mrs. Stanley sighed. "Did you just flirt with Edward Cullen?"_

"_Well, not very well. But I tried."_

"_He shot her down with one cold glance," Angela helpfully supplied._

"_Young lady, now you listen here. Leave her be. She's a poor orphan from a nobody family that the Cullens took in. She doesn't so much as say boo at her own shadow."_

"_Why does her family matter then?" Jessica sniped._

"_Which one?"_

"_Her real mom and dad."_

"_If it's one thing you should take to your heart about being a Southern woman – you can never forget where you come from. No one will ever let you."_

"_Why do the Cullens call her their ward? I thought they adopted her."_

"_That's because of Edward."_

_An unfamiliar voice asked, "Their hot son with the cute backside that won't give me the time of day?"_

_Great, now I was gathering a larger audience as my life and Edward's butt became gossip fodder._

"_That would be the one. He declared to Esme on the day they brought Bella home that he couldn't be her brother. That he was going to marry her one day. So they haven't raised them as siblings and they've kept them apart. They shipped him off to school."_

_The strange voice tutted in disapproval. "That's harsh."_

"_What other choice did they have? He's some kind of kid genius that skipped high school. There was nothing for him to learn here."_

_Jessica said, "Yeah, but wasn't he just a little kid when he said that about Bella? People change their minds. I'm not going to marry Tyler Crowley and I only wanted to kiss him when I was in kindergarten. Edward should date around. It's healthy."_

"_When Edward was twelve, he took one look at your father's blue fingernails and how he rubbed his left arm and told him to check his heart. If he didn't, he'd be dead in a month. Scared the poor man enough to go in for the check-up I'd been nagging him to get. He had bypass surgery the next day."_

"_Jeez, Mom."_

"_We owe that boy your Daddy's life. If that Cullen says something, then you listen to it. Boy barely talks as it is, but when he does, he's usually right. He and Bella are perfect for each other. He'll take good care of her."_

_Jessica whined, "But they aren't dating."_

"_Not that I can tell," her mother concurred._

"_Anyone."_

"_That, too. But Bella's growing up into a lovely girl. Things will change."_

"_What a waste," Jessica grumbled._

_Until the drops landed on my hand, I didn't realize I was crying. I hated hearing people talk about me, and there was nowhere I could go. So I stayed there like a pillar of salt lurking between the prickly bushes of Sodom and Gomorrah._

_When I felt a thin, chilly hand on my upper arm, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned and found Aunt Cicy. Dad's sister put her arm around my shoulder, handed me a tissue, and led me in the opposite direction like nothing was wrong. And I loved her for it._

"_There you are. I missed my little girl." She patted my back. She always called me that. _

_Aunt C and the cherubic Uncle Aro could not have children. They visited us a few times a year from their place in Florida, and Dad and his brother-in-law hid out on the golf courses while Mom and Aunt Cicy baked up a storm._

_I passed a crowd and saw Edward's hair in the lamplight. He stood with Dad and Jasper and grinned at something Uncle Eleazar said. He had such a great laugh. He didn't do it often. When he did, people stopped and noticed. And there was something about Uncle Eleazar that just put people at ease. Everyone seemed so happy. Edward's blue shirt made his eyes stand out. He looked like he'd been lifting weights again. I loved the way his clothes fit him._

_Aunt Cicy said, "Will you look at that bunch. Sometimes, when you're really lucky, you get to choose your relatives like we did with Eleazar, and later with you. Family is so more than flesh and blood, Bella. Don't you ever forget it, you hear? Ignore those people back there. They're vulgar."_

_In my family, we followed to the letter of the law the rule that we never discussed me and Edward. Whatever we were._

_My mind played back the conversation I had overhead about Edward and me. He'd been sent away by mom and dad and it was all my fault. How could he not hate me? I took his family from him._

_Our eyes met and he nodded at me as if to ask what was wrong. I gave him a blank stare. I needed to think, and I couldn't do it there. I felt Aunt Cicy's hand tighten around mine as I remembered Jessica's praises of his charms._

_We found Uncle Aro waiting in his Mercedes watching a group of sparrows as they took flight from a nearby apple tree. He had the prettiest blue eyes I'd ever seen in a man. They were almost purple. _

"_Ah, there you are, dear girl. We wanted to take you shopping for a late birthday present."_

_Aunt Cicy eyed the crowd that held our family and said, "Now that you're all grown up, I thought we'd get you a proper gown to wear at the Christmas carnival. That Edward will never know what hit him." She whispered in my ear.,"Bella, I need to teach you how to stare at a man's backside without getting caught. Rule number one of being a lady."_

_Ears scarlet with embarrassment, mouth turned up in a fragile grin, I turned my back on the town gossips and left with the only family that mattered: mine._

The next afternoon, not long after Alice left, Alec came to see me.

"You're looking better." He folded his large frame into the chair by my bed, dwarfing it.

"Hey! Why are you so dressed up?" He had on a dark blue suit that brought out his eyes.

"I had a few job interviews over Skype."

"You quit?"

"I couldn't go back to that region of the country. Not after what I did. Aid workers are supposed to be unarmed and nonviolent. I was neither." He didn't seem perturbed.

"I don't follow. What did you do?"

"The soldier that shot you?"

"Yeah?"

"I killed him and a few of his companions. They had it coming." Alec had a calm, eerie manner about him at his confession. It literally made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

My eyes widened. "Whoa."

"It was either that or watch _them_ kill you, and I couldn't stand back and let that happen. I don't make friends easily, you know. You're quite irreplaceable."

Absentmindedly, I patted his hand. He still had an impressive tan, while mine had already faded.

Alec and I had developed this dark sense of humor as a way of coping with the misery we saw in our job.

In that spirit, I said, "Thanks for being a true friend. I've now got a new gold standard. Item One: Kills people that irritate me."

Alec grinned. "What's that thing you used to do with the kids?" He held out his pinky and we wrapped ours.

"Pinky swear. Friends forever," I said. I pulled my hand away when I thought of the last person I had done this with. "Have you heard anything about Peter?" I kept seeing his frightened little face when I shut my eyes at night.

My friend sobered. "I've got people looking for him. His mother's body was found in a nearby camp from our site."

"But he wasn't there?"

"Right."

I had to ask, but I didn't want to know at the same time. "How'd she die?"

"By an adult's hand. You were afraid they forced Peter to do it?"

I nodded.

"If I had to guess, I'd say he's hiding. He's a resourceful little boy. It could take a while to learn anything. You know how that part of the world is."

I grimaced, putting that away like I put away so many other things there that I couldn't fix. "So, where do you think you'll end up working?"

"I'm looking at this one place. I thought you might drop them a line. A friend of mine from high school works there."

"Yeah?"

"I might possibly have mentioned during my job interview that you were in the market for a position, too. They were very interested, especially given your teaching background."

"Item Two on my Gold Standard of Friendship: Helps out of luck friends score work. You're the best. My ex-family has been spreading the word that my health is preventing me from working."

"No worries. I can handle that issue if it comes up. I'll email you the details."

"Thanks."

Alec asked, "How do you know?"

"Know what?"

"That the Cullens have been spreading word about you?"

"Some guy in Boston told me when he canceled my phone interview."

"Okay, with one group though, not all of them." Alec shrugged. "That's a lot of work. From what I've heard, the Cullens have their hands full right now with other problems."

"How do you know they haven't said anything?" He was taking their side? How could he?

"I don't know that they have. But you are making assumptions without enough evidence. Word of your illness spread, Bella, through the grapevine. The infection was also in the camp in Africa. Many sickened. It made the news."

"So you're saying no one would hire me?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if I had to guess, the groups you talked to wanted to take advantage of your recent celebrity and use you at speaking events to raise money and awareness."

I quailed and flushed. "Yeah, I heard that a lot. I hate talking. I've never given a speech in my life. I told them I wanted to go straight back into the field."

"Bella, with the way your health is right now, that's not a reasonable request. You aren't strong enough to stand on your own in a Third World country without being a burden to your coworkers."

"Oh. But you want me to work with you?" Now I was unsure.

"I do. We will not be in a Third World country. We'll be in Europe in a considerably safer place."

"Oh. Okay."

"Want to play some poker?" He pulled out a deck of cards.

"You know I suck at that game."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You've developed a marvelous poker face."

Five games later, I was giggling at a joke Alec made when I glanced up and found Edward standing like a storm cloud in the doorway. Part of me wanted to start throwing things on first sight, but Alec would have stopped me. So I stared at my lap instead and envisioned exploding pots of peace lilies raining down upon Edward's unprotected head. It was my own personal form of imagining world peace.

Alec stood and held out his hand. "Hey, Edward. Good to see you, again."

Edward remembered his manners, shook Alec's hand, and offered him a tight smile. "You, too, Alec."

I looked from one man to the other. "Wait. You two know each other?"

"We met when you were out of it with the flu," Alec narrowed his eyes at me. "I did the first surgery on your shoulder and wanted to check up on you. You don't remember me being here? C'mon, we had the best talks."

I could not even begin to imagine the horrifying things I must have blurted. Everyone knew I was a sleep talker. Kill me now. Really. No really.

Weakly, I responded, "I thought I heard your voice, but nothing else. Sorry."

Edward noticed that I shivered; he reached for a blanket and, careful of my shoulder, spread it out over me.

"Thanks." I clutched onto the blanket when my fantasy had me wrapping it around Edward's neck like a garrote. I knew, just knew, he had something to do with me not being able to find a job. And that rankled. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he won that round. I still had my pride.

They were a study in contrasts. Gregarious Alec carried himself like a soldier and most people gave him a wide berth. He had a workman's hands. I'd never peg him for a doctor. Quiet Edward radiated this intensity. He was the genius you never saw coming in a dark alley.

Edward cleared his throat and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He said to Alec, "I owe you my thanks."

"For what?"

"I understand you were the one that saved Bella's life."

"She's a good friend. She's worth it."

"Yes, she is."

Alec looked at his watch and frowned. "I've got to go catch a flight to D.C."

I said, "Thanks for coming by and the saving my life part."

"Anytime. Don't forget to check your email." He kissed my cheek and handed me the deck of cards. "You hang onto these. Say hey to Mrs. Bishop for me. If I didn't think she'd kill me, I'd marry that woman. I owe her dinner."

I tried to hand them back. "Alec, you always have your cards on you."

"You can give them back when you see me again. Show Edward all those skills you've learned at poker."

I choked off a laugh. Edward stiffened.

He and Alec engaged in some odd kind of alpha male staring contest as they shook hands. I wanted to kick my ex for the damper he put on my friend's visit. Alec waved and left.

Edward looked twitchy. He asked, "Feel like playing?" He picked up the deck from my hands. "I'll shuffle."

I tried to ignore the spark that ran through me when he touched me. Thank God I was no longer wired up to those monitors that beeped every time my heart rate increased. I'd always felt that connection with Edward, and it hurt to realize it lived still within me. I thought he had quashed it out of my soul.

He waved a hand in front of my face. "You there?"

"Sure. I'm game." I won the first two rounds, much to our surprise.

I could tell Edward wanted to talk. I could feel it in the way he looked at me, how he tried to act like he was all business with the cards. I couldn't deal with it. By the end of the second game, my hands were shaking from tension.

Jane came in, took one look at me, and lied through her teeth, "Dr. Cullen, she's nodding off in bed. Time to go."

He gave me a long measuring stare and said, "I'll come back later. Get some rest."

Two weeks later, I was ready to strangle my ex-husband. It's not murder if you aren't caught. Especially if the other party really has it coming. He had no right to dictate my actions.

I saw his favorite pair of polished wingtips standing by my mat as I lay on my stomach and stoically ignored Mike Newton's feeble attempts to ask me out. I craned my neck to see Edward giving Mike a decidedly dirty look. Mike's pen broke in his fingers and rained blue ink on his hands and shirt. He grabbed a towel and blotted the mat.

"I'll go fill out some paperwork, Bella. Keep working. We'll, um, talk about dinner another time." Mike scurried away.

"Alice tells me you had a job interview," Edward said as I completed my physical therapy exercises. I could feel his gaze on me. The back of my neck prickled. Even after all this time, I still wanted to yank him by the ankle down to the mat and kiss him. Which hurt like the dickens, knowing that I no longer had that right, and he, no longer the interest. When he had ripped out my heart, someone forgot to tell it to stop feeling. It felt like someone had blithely told me to stop breathing. To stop thinking. To stop _being_. I'd be damned if I'd let him know. Over the past year I had become good at pretending not to care. I ripped my hoyden eyes from his lips.

"Mm, yes." I rolled to my side and stretched on the mat to reach my toes, hiding my face from him, hoping that inhaling my sweaty socks might scare me back into cold reality.

He was going to hit the roof. My friend Alec had been key to getting me work with this group.

"How did it go?"

"I got the job."

"With whom?"

I grinned like a thief that had barely escaped the noose and wagged a finger at him. "Uh-uh! Not telling you until all the paperwork is signed. That would be crazy."

He scoffed. "Don't act like a baby." Then he froze and every bit of color leached from his face.

My pointing finger wilted, died on the spot, and dropped into my lap. My fingers automatically went to my empty abdomen. I stilled, letting the pain wash over me. I couldn't answer right away; it hurt too much. That word was the two-ton elephant in the room. I gulped and turned away to hide my eyes.

"Christ, Bella," he stammered. "I . . . didn't mean it like - I'm so sorry. I would _never_ –" I heard him clearing his throat.

Try to hurt me like that? Really? His words shriveled up and blew away like ashes, but I could tell by the abject misery in his voice that he seemed to believe what he said.

"Forget it." With effort, I kept my voice steady and eyes dry. "Some of us actually have to work for a living, Edward. Protecting my ability to get a job so you and your family can't interfere _again_ is being smart, not immature."

It hurt so much to see him, like razors slicing into my heart. My fingers flexed as I restrained myself from grabbing the nearest object and flinging it at him.

"Eventually, I'll find out, you know." He scowled at me. I had to go and fall in love with a genius researcher. He hated not knowing the answer to something. He took it as a personal offense.

This game had to end. I couldn't endure it anymore. Heart in my mouth, I glanced up at him. My words ran together, I spoke so fast.

"You were perfectly happy to ignore me for months, Edward. Look, I have no idea why you're wasting your time with me, but this needs to stop. You ended our marriage and insisted that I not contact you or your family." I almost choked on those words. "At least have the decency to go away and let me get on with my life. Let's be done with this farce."

To this date, that was the longest speech I'd ever given in my short life, even though I stammered half of it. I felt like I was going to barf any second. Edward seemed equally flummoxed.

He acted so earnest. "Bella, we should talk."

I nearly drowned at the tsunami of memories he evoked. He used those same words when he dumped me. No thanks. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Burned it.

"Unless it's the bill for my care, I don't know that you have anything to say that I want to hear."

I continued to stretch and kept my eyes off of him. I could see him in my peripheral vision and had to fight to keep from glancing his way. When it came to Edward, I had always been like Icarus chasing the flaming sun. Until I got too close and paid with my life. I rubbed at the back of my skull when I finally sat up.

"Are you still having problems with your head? This is not like you."

"I daresay you don't know what I'm like anymore."

"Don't be absurd. Of course I know you." He saw my sketch pad. I'd taken to carrying it with me when I left the room for fear it would sprout legs and walk away. "Those drawings were amazing, Bella. I'd like to see some of your other work."

"I don't have any other work." I hadn't drawn a line in the one Mrs. Bishop had given me.

"Sunshine, you have hundreds of sketch pads."

"Not anymore."

"Did you put them in storage? Can I get them for you?"

"I don't have storage. I can't fit more than one pad in my suitcase, Edward. You've already seen all I have."

"But. . ."

The tension in the room was getting to me. I felt this pressure in my chest, and my jaw hurt from grinding my teeth together. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped both arms around my legs trying to find comfort.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired."

He balled his hands into fists. "Bella. Please. I really need to talk to you."

He'd waited all this time without speaking to me until I'd been hurt and the press had started pestering him. He could wait longer. It couldn't be that important.

Edward gritted his teeth when I shrugged insouciantly and did what I did best: kept my mouth shut. Cautiously, I took to my feet and Edward held out his arms and gently put his hands on my waist when I wobbled. His fingers were warm against the bare skin of the small of my back where my shirt rode up. I could smell his familiar scent, and knew, just knew, that I was in trouble.

"You okay?" he whispered. We hadn't stood this close since the night he left me. I gulped, remembering his cold face from that long ago winter's eve - how he had methodically pried each of my shaking fingers off of his arm and walked out of the house without a word as I wept and begged him to stay. I clutched onto that image like an icon to my tattered heart; I needed it like divine intervention.

I moved away, palm outstretched. "I'm fine. I need to do this on my own."

**Please review. It makes me misty eyed. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Unbecoming Chapter Seven**

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, and detochkina for the beta work. Thanks as well to EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Mamabean30, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.**

**If you have your PMs turned off, then I can't answer you. Leave me a twitter addy or something if you want a response in that case. :)**

**I'm about caught up on review replies. Thanks to all who read and reviewed. Thanks to the ladies at The Lemonade Stand.**

**Thanks to AnonymouslySufferingFromOCD who wrote a lovely review of The Stench Wars on Indie Fic Pimp's blog.**

**You can find me on Twitter at BookishQua**

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><p><em>Growing up, I had to learn all sorts of rules in order to get by in polite society. For example, I couldn't wear white certain times of the year. Everyone older than the age of twenty was to be addressed as Ma'am or Sir. Don't speak unless spoken to: a rule I had no problem following to the letter. Absolutely no swearing, spitting, chewing gum, or smoking in public. If I were caught doing something vulgar, my parents would hear about it before I reached home. Mom said that the women really ran the town; they just let the men think that they did, and <em>that_ was the most important rule of them all._

_During the last week of our senior year, I overheard Angela Weber crying in the parking lot before school._

_Jessica Stanley asked, "What's wrong?"_

"_I can't go to college."_

"_Why?"_

_Angela sobbed harder._

"_My parents have been acting weird about me applying to colleges all year. I ignored them and sent off to go to four schools. I got into all of them. Mom and Dad told me that I don't have a college fund so I can't go."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_When I was born my grandparents started a college fund for me. I heard about it my whole life."_

"_Okay."_

"_My parents cashed it in to pay for my brother since he's the man who will carry on the family name. He picked an expensive school and joined a fraternity that costs more money than my family can afford. So they just gave him all of mine and told me that I was ungrateful for being upset about it."_

"_Oh. Wow. What do they expect you to do?"_

"_Find a husband and get married. My brother flunked most of his classes this year. That's what's really ironic. I'm in the top ten and I can't go to college."_

"_Go see the guidance counselor. Tell her what happened. She can help, I bet. I mean you already have been accepted at a bunch of schools, right?"_

_Angela wiped her eyes. "That's a great idea. Thanks, Jess." They both left without ever noticing me._

_I was about to leave when I heard Jessica say, "Lauren, you dyed your hair brown. What's up with that?"_

"_My boyfriend thinks it's hot. He asked me to and even gave me money to have it done at a salon."_

"_You mean the one you won't tell me who he is? That boyfriend? That's a huge hickey on your neck. What the heck did you do last night?"_

"_Lost my virginity." She sighed and lowered her voice. "He's older. It was so worth it. We're doing it again tonight. I can't wait. He said he's going to teach me a new game."_

_Ew. I waited for them to leave before fleeing and devoutly wishing I could bleach my brain._

_Uncle Aro and Aunt Cicy were visiting._

_Over dinner, I asked, "Uncle Aro, did you mean it when you told me to ask for anything when I graduated from high school?"_

"_I always keep my promises, dear child. What is it you'd like?"_

_Uncle Eleazar said, "I owe you a gift, too. So I'm interested in hearing what you have to say."_

"_I'd like to help my friend Angela go to school. I just don't want her to know it came from me. Her parents gave her college fund to her brother because he's a guy and told her she couldn't go."_

_I'm not sure why, but Mom started crying. So did Aunt Cicy._

"_You don't want anything for yourself?" Uncle Aro asked._

"_And you are serious about making sure she does not know of your involvement?" Eleazar queried with a fond smile._

"_No, Uncle Aro, I don't want anything. Yes, Uncle Eleazar, I rather she not know it was my idea. It would embarrass her."_

_Aunt Cicy asked, "Has she applied to St. Catherine's with you?"_

"_Yes. She's a good student. She's in the top ten of our class."_

"_I'm on the board of directors for St. Catherine's," Eleazar said. "I'll talk to the financial aid office and see what we can do."_

_Uncle Aro kissed my cheek. "I'll make a few calls, too, dear. I'm very proud of you."_

_Eleazar patted my hand and said to Esme, "You raised this one right."_

_The next week, Angela got the news through the guidance counselor at school that she had earned a scholarship to St. Catherine's. I heard her telling Jessica and Lauren about it but never felt tempted to tell her my role in it. Simply knowing she could go made me happy. It was the best early birthday gift ever._

The sound of a tray rattling brought me back to the present in my hospital room. Jane had taken away my half-eaten lunch. Odd that I thought of my high school days. Angela and I had stayed friendly. Jessica had gone off to another school, and Lauren had surprised no one by running away from home in the middle of the night, leaving her parents a letter claiming to have a rich boyfriend that would see to her every need. No one ever saw her again. Now, upon further reflection, I couldn't blame her for wanting to get out of town. I had thought her foolish at the time she left, but maybe she was the smartest one of us all.

I woke up to find Alice sitting by me typing rapidly on her laptop. She peered at me owlishly through her reading glasses and asked, "You're really not going to talk to any of the press?"

I shuddered. "Heck, no."

"Why? You're considered a hero. Even the producers from Letterman and Leno are begging you in emails to come on their shows." Her nimble fingers flew over the keys. "Look, I know you're shy. But, reading through these offers, some of them are offering to pay gobs of money to your favorite charity if you'll talk to them."

"I hate talking and I'm not going to discuss my private life with the press for any amount of money. So no. I've just ignored their emails."

"You can't hide from them forever, Bella."

"Want to bet?"

"Is that what you were doing when you went to Africa?"

I stilled. "I don't know what you mean."

"You didn't tell anyone where you were going, Bella. You didn't leave a forwarding address. It was like you vanished and erased all traces of yourself. Edward was beside himself."

She and Edward weren't close. I had no idea how she knew all of that. Edward wasn't the type to share his feelings with anyone outside of the family.

My voice trembled and broke. "You don't understand. I lost everything that ever mattered to me. I had nothing."

"I know, honey."

"I had nothing left to run away from, Alice. I just wanted to be left in peace, and I knew that wouldn't happen here."

She took my hand and squeezed. "I'd hug you, but I know your shoulder wouldn't like that. You always have me. No matter what."

I squeezed back. "Thanks."

Alice returned to her office. I curled up in my bed and used the e-reader that Emmett had given me. Liam shuffled into the room behind a rolling bucket of water that smelled of pine.

His uniform seemed like it had been freshly ironed. He offered me a rare shy smile before his eyes skittered away.

"Hi, Liam."

He put another box of chocolates on the table for me.

"Oh, how sweet! Here, you get to try the first one."

This time he didn't argue. He popped it into his mouth and smiled as he chewed. I expected to hear him say something, but suddenly he looked unsure of himself. He rubbed at his throat.

"Liam, are you okay?"

His face became grave as he weakly coughed.

He almost seemed to fall in slow motion. Liam hit the floor hard and started convulsing.

"Help!" I yelled. I crawled out of the bed and fell to my knees beside him.

Tanya and Jane came running. Jane efficiently moved me out of the way. My room was soon stuffed with people frantically working on Liam. I sat there, numb, crying as they hauled him out of the room shouting the entire time.

Edward picked then to show up. He stared around my empty room. I couldn't stop staring at the lonely bucket and mop.

"Sunshine? What's wrong?"

"Liam. One second he was eating chocolate and then he collapsed."

"What chocolates?"

"The ones on the end table. I don't get it. He brought me the same kind last week and ate them and was fine."

"Did you eat any?"

"No."

Edward slipped it into a glove and said, "I'll take a look at this at the lab."

He had that far-away gaze he usually got when he was theorizing.

"Shouldn't you leave that for the police?"

"Around here? They don't have the equipment to test it. I do. And the local police are all but useless. Trust me, I've had entirely too much to do with them lately."

As he walked out of the room he said to the guards, "No one but Jane or Tanya brings any kind of food in here from now on."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

Liam ended up in intensive care. They wouldn't let me see him, and Tanya told me that things were not looking well for him. I didn't consider myself to be particularly religious, but I prayed for him.

I received my clearance to leave the hospital the next day from a wistful colleague of Edward's, who acted like he had half a mind to hospitalize me to keep my ex happy.

Tanya and Jane brought me a gift card so I could buy more ebooks. With Mrs. Bishop's help, I got them a gift certificate to a local restaurant. I might not have liked being in the hospital much, but those two made it bearable.

Mrs. Bishop stopped by as I finished packing my suitcase.

"You ready?"

"Yes."

"Want to stay for a few days before you go?"

"Thank you, but I have a ticket to leave today. Aren't you late for your card game?"

"Bah. They can wait." She hugged me gently. "Keep in touch, Bella. Don't forget to call me."

I squeezed back and said, "Thank you for everything."

"You're worth it." She shuffled down the hall.

I stopped by Alice's office.

She asked, "So, you're off?"

"Yeah. I have a cab on its way."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for a few days? You still look really beat, Bella."

"Thank you, but I need to go." Gingerly, I gave her a one-armed quasi-hug and kissed her cheek.

"Be safe. Email me when you get in."

"Promise." I wanted to get out of there before I had to fight Edward off.

Speak of the devil. As I was walking to my cab, I found him dogging my heels. I tried to ignore how the sunlight made his hair shine, how he seemed to have a spring in his step.

He reached for my good shoulder, and I only just managed to step out of his range.

Edward huffed in frustration. "I can take you home."

"That would be difficult."

"I have my car," he insisted.

I might have been accused of talking to him like he belonged riding the short bus to school.

"That's nice, but I don't have a home, here."

"Of course you do." He chuckled. "I left you a perfectly good house and two cars." He said that so reasonably. My fist itched with the desire to deck him then and there.

"Which I donated to an organization for abused children a few weeks after our divorce."

It was rare I caught him off-guard and gawping like that. I almost smiled.

"The house was worth a fortune."

Oops. Without him, it hadn't been anything more than a shell of the life I once had. I couldn't bear to set foot in it.

"So what?"

He stared at me as if I had grown another set of arms and legs. "Bella, why did you do that?"

He acted like he genuinely cared. What a crock. I knew better. This was the man who had ignored my phone calls I had worked up the courage to make and insisted that I communicate with him through his lawyer.

My mind wandered as I walked. Someone had tried to decorate the entryway of the hospital to look like a home. Staring at the walls evoked more than a few memories. It was the little things - the mundane things - that come with a breakup that kill you piece by piece. The plaque that I'd made in Arts and Crafts class in the eighth grade. The one that said, "The Cullen Family," as it hung from the kitchen wall, mocked me. So I took it down, smashed it to bits with a hammer, and threw it away.

Edward had always been the one to record the greeting message on our answering machine since I was not a fan of talking. Changing it, for example, had proved painful. It took eight tries. A stuttering, stammering mess, I had to remind myself to stop saying his name. That he'd be returning your call if you left a good enough message. In the end the recording was so bad, I'd just turned the machine off. No one ever called me, anyway. But the pain didn't stop at electronic appliances.

I'd come home the day I'd been served divorce papers at work, saw our wedding pictures mocking me from the walls and lost it. I went to the office, took the shredder and spent four hours meticulously shredding every single picture from my life. I'd hoped it would be cathartic but instead felt even more depressed when I saw all the empty albums and picture frames. After I took the last bag out to the trash, I curled up in a ball on the floor and cried until I fell asleep.

On forms, I had to erase when I, by habit, checked "married," and instead put a sullen star in the "single" box. When I was filling out an order form for address labels, I reached my breaking point at seeing my name and only my name - my birth name at that. Going to the mailbox that day, I'd broken down and bawled at the pile of letters that had _Cullen_ on them. I had been a Cullen for so long, I didn't even know how to go about being a Swan.

Mrs. Bishop had found me and took me back to her house. She didn't say a word, just patted my hand as I cried in her arms. The next day she helped me go through all of my jewelry. Every piece that was a Cullen heirloom I sent to Edward's lawyer. Everything else, from the ring he got me out of a gumball machine when I was thirteen, to the sapphire necklace he'd given me for our first anniversary, I donated to Esme's favorite charity for their annual auction or threw in the trash.

Two weeks later, I signed the house over to a small charity from another state that Edward's family knew nothing about and boarded a plane to Africa. I left no forwarding address. In the months I worked there, I never heard from Edward or any other Cullen. It may have been a forgotten hell on earth, but at least in one respect it was bliss.

I could tell Edward wouldn't understand why I had to leave, so I saved my words. He had moved on from me with effortless ease. I hadn't heard of him dating anyone - which seemed odd. I had expected him to be remarried by now. I was sure Esme had the perfect names of her future two-point-five grandchildren already picked out and a list of appropriate candidates from the "right" kind of families.

The splash of muddy water from a car driving by brought me back to the present, as Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me away from a certain soaking just in time. We stood in front of the hospital, under the eaves to stay out of the heavy rain. Edward could roll with the punches.

He used his "I'm attempting to be professional" voice and asked, "So, you're in an apartment?"

"Yes."

"Where?" He tossed his keys in the air, a gesture I once had found endearing.

"Overseas."

"I beg your pardon?" The keys fell to the concrete and splayed there with twisted limbs like a jumper.

I gritted my teeth at him in the parody of a smile. "I am going to my new apartment and will try to get on with my life. You should do the same. Thank you for arranging my medical care. Please tell Mr. Jenks how much I owe you. This really is goodbye, Edward. I'm not coming back."

I was so proud of myself for saying that calmly. Like an adult. Like I meant it. Truth be told, I wasn't sure that I could get on with my life. I felt like someone who had accidentally sliced open my hand and then waited in morbid fascination to see how badly it bled.

I slipped into the waiting cab, tossed a roll of money at the driver and said, "Please take me to the airport."

Edward had this devastated expression on his face. I must have been imagining things. I saw Emmett appear out of the crowd and hold Edward by the arm.

As the cab pulled away, I heard Edward splutter, "But you don't even speak another language."

I didn't look at him no matter how badly I was tempted as the cab drove away. Guess I'd have to learn the language fast. I was now on my way to teach English to recovering victims of human trafficking in Prague.

For once, my name had done me good. My new employers had jumped at the chance to hire me, and it was nice to feel wanted.

Alec picked me up at the airport in Prague. I caught him staring over my shoulder.

"What are you looking at?"

He flashed me a practiced smile. "Just wanted to make sure your ex didn't stow away on the plane. Welcome to Prague."

He had a coat over his arm that he tossed to me. "Put this on."

I had to almost run to keep up with him, he walked so fast. We turned around a corner and I yelped as Alec lifted me from the ground and ducked into a nearby narrow corridor. He covered my mouth with his palm and signaled for me to be quiet. It was dim in the passage. I saw a dark-haired man walk past in a hurry.

"Do you know him?" Alec whispered in my ear.

"I didn't really get a good look at him, but I don't think so."

"He was definitely following us. Keep an eye out for anything unusual."

"Could he be from the press?"

"Maybe." He didn't seem convinced. It took us an hour to reach my apartment building because Alec kept changing directions and doubling back to make sure we weren't being followed.

"You're awfully good at this eluding people stuff. Where'd you learn it?" I asked.

"I used to be Special Forces."

I didn't quite know what to say to that. "Aren't those the Rambo guys that living the jungle and eat bugs and stuff?"

"Those are the sissies that play us on movies. We much scarier in person. Handsome, too."

Joker. I scoffed at him.

Alec waved at a large stone building. "This is where you'll be staying. I'm living a floor above you."

"You said I'd be boarding with someone?"

"Yeah, it is a great way for you to pick up the language. The landlady's family will be taking you in. They have a nice guest room."

He left unstated that since my name didn't appear on any paperwork, that I'd definitely be difficult to find.

We left my luggage in my room and went into the office. It was located in a part of town that had a foot in two neighborhoods. One was older and wealthy - the other young and poor.

"This is not the best part of town. Don't walk around alone here. Either Tyler or I will keep you company. Before you ask, we do that with all the female staff."

"Dude! You're back!" A tall skinny guy with a scruff of a goatee came up and shook my hand. "I'm Tyler."

"I'm Bella."

"So I hear you teach."

"I used to. What do you need me to do?"

"Teach English to adults so they can find a job with a company that requires the language. We have connections with a lot of American and British companies that set up help desks here in Prague." He pointed to a stack of books on a desk. "That's for you. Pick the book you like and I'll order more."

I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.

Three days later, I got an email from Emmett saying, "Eddie-boy's saying you have three months to get home or he's coming after you. Don't worry; Carlisle has his passport and told him to give you space."

I chortled as I typed. "He'd have to find me first."

I never made the same mistake twice. My name appeared on nothing, and there were forty other organizations in the region that did the same work we did. _Good luck_. I had picked the one that didn't have a website and did have deep pockets. And I had my secret weapon of Alec. I'd like to see Edward try to get me fired now.

The nerve. _He_ left me. _He_ broke my heart. _He_ was the one that forsook our vows after five years of wedded bliss. So he had no right to try and tell me how to live my life. Jerk. I poured myself into work and pushed thoughts of him out of my mind.

There was so much to do in Prague. I woke up at dawn and literally worked until I could barely stand, grabbing sleep when I could. The rest of the world fell away, like it always did when I focused. The weather certainly proved different than the sauna of Africa. As far as the language, well, in a week I picked up just enough Czech to get myself into a really good bar fight. I'd never had an ear for languages, which is why I found it so serendipitous that I could understand Czech so easily. The family I lived with spoiled me rotten even though I only saw them at night. My landlady was determined that I would gain weight under her roof and fixed dinners that were fantastic. I tried to eat all the food, but I got full really fast.

When you live in a place where you don't speak the language, it can be lonely. You have to work to understand what is going on around you and, many times, it's just easier tuning it out. Although I had a basic understanding of Czech, I didn't of the other languages that were spoken around me. I became used to keeping my own company. Alec had to travel a lot, so I didn't see much of him. And we had another set of offices on the other side of town that he worked from most of the time.

The schedule and the workload began to get to me. I started sleeping the second I arrived in my small room. Sometimes I'd skip meals so I could get in more time in bed. I felt like I could sleep forever, and it took all my energy to get out of bed in the morning. I guess it would take a while to get over that virus.

Although my landlady fed me dinner; I was on my own for the other meals. Half the time, I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat for breakfast so I'd end up skipping it. I lived on coffee.

I'd been in Prague for ten days. While walking to work, I heard someone call my name in English. I turned. I vaguely recognized the handsome man with piercing eyes and spiky black hair. I had a good memory for faces, but a bad one for names. I'd seen him at a formal because I could imagine him in a tuxedo.

"Isabella, so nice to see you."

No one who knew me called me Isabella.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall who you are." I blushed.

The way his eyes roamed over me made me squirm. I felt like a piece of meat.

"We only met once years ago, child. My name is Alexander Volturi. I am one of your family's accountants." Considering he was probably in his early forties to my late twenties, calling me _child_ seemed a stretch. Creepy, too.

I blinked at him, confused. "Do you mean the Cullens?"

"Yes. I keep Carlisle and Esme's accounts."

"They're not my family anymore. I'm divorced."

I wanted to bite my tongue off. This conversation had quickly become awkward – not to mention none of his business.

"And you don't talk to them?"

"Never."

"A shame. Lovely people. I am staying at this hotel." He pointed to a small establishment. "Their food is superb. Would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner? I must discuss some of your family accounts with you."

"I have no connection to the Cullens."

"Regardless, the money is yours. I came all the way to see you."

The hotel was a public place. I could always leave. Yet something in me resisted. I felt like the person in the movie theater saying to the character on the screen, "Don't walk through that door!"

"I work late today. I am off at eight."

"A late dinner it is. I will meet you then." He shook my hand and handed me a business card.

I extricated myself as quickly as possible. I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck as I walked away. Something in my gut told me to run. It took all my discipline not to bolt. I sighed in relief when I turned a corner, putting me out of his sight. I put my head down against the bitter wind and made my way to work.

Because my office was in a dodgy part of town, we had security around our classes to make sure that the wrong type of people didn't come looking for our students –security being in the form of Karel, our guard. Tyler, my boss, warned me to be aware that people might take advantage of my newcomer status and try to learn the names of our students in casual conversation. It made me paranoid. When I arrived at the office I got online. Alec IM'd me.

A: What's up, rabblerouser?

B: Met weird guy that made the short hairs on the back of my neck stand up on the way to work.

A: Did he threaten you?

B: No, his nose is still in one piece. He told me that he does accounting for the Cullens and handles an account of mine. I have no money left with them. He wants to have dinner tonight to discuss my account.

A: What's his name? I'll look into it.

B: Alexander Volturi.

A: Stay out of trouble. I'll get back to you.

B: Thanks.

Those were famous last words from Alec. It's like he jinxed me.

Fifteen minutes into my first class of the day, a man burst into the room and grabbed the arm of our administrative assistant Anya.

He talked so fast. My Czech wasn't good enough to figure out what he snarled at her, but I certainly understood by the desperate, "Help, Miss Bella!" that she didn't want to be anywhere near him.

When he punched her in the face, I saw red.

"Class, remember what I said to do if someone bad got in here?"

I lifted a heavy desk by the legs and repeatedly applied said object to the back of the startled thug's skull. He howled and fell to the ground and lunged for me. So I hit the bastard again even harder. Anya backed away and ran to the door shouting for help. A few male students helped by placing kicks in the man's ribcage as they seemed to think this activity was fun.

"Miss Bella, you are well?" Karel, our security guard asked while keeping a wary eye out on the man on the floor.

One of my students said, "He is unconscious."

I guess that meant I could put the desk down. My arms shook with the effort of holding it.

Karel offered to fetch an ambulance for him.

One of my students pointed to the man's blood-splattered Rolex with wide eyes and said in halting English, "He is very rich."

"So?"

"He has powerful family. You should leave. Bad for you to stay."

From behind me, I heard a low voice say, "My thoughts exactly. I've already packed for you. Your landlady is charming."

Edward placed my battered suitcase on the ground. I blinked at him in shock.

_How did he get here? _

He canted his head at the man on the floor, noted he was still breathing and asked, "Which one of you did that?"

My students pointed, smiling, to me. I waved my fingertips at my ex.

"Bella, what did you hit him with?"

"Just a desk." I leaned casually on one. "Anya, are you okay?"

"Yes, Miss Bella. Thank you."

Edward's eyes bugged out of his head, his face turned red, and then white. He muttered something about lawyers and jail, and corrupt officials, took a deep breath, grabbed my hand, and tugged me from the room.

Once we were out the door, I pulled on his arm and asked, "What are you doing?"

"We're taking a vacation for your safety."

The phone on my desk rang. "Hold that thought." I picked it up.

It was Alec. He said, "I have a feeling you're causing trouble. My Spidey Sense is pinging."

"Um, well, yeah. Kinda."

He sounded like a salesman as he cajoled. "Tell your good friend Alec what you've done."

"Hit some guy with a desk. He was trying to kidnap Anya."

"Oh, is that all?"

I snorted.

Alec became all business. "Is Anya okay?"

"She's shaken up, but I think she's fine. Can you keep an eye out on her? He hit her in the face."

"Sure. I'm on my way over. Is the attacker alive?"

"They called an ambulance for him. He's out cold. Some of the students are worried because they said the guy is rich and powerful."

"That could be a problem. Why don't you take a vacation for a few days? Get out of the country. Email me every night. I'll see what I can do."

"You're a lifesaver. Edward just showed up."

"Only for you, buddy. Stay safe. Don't kill the ex."

Knowing my ex's predilection for planning things to the last detail, he probably already had tickets for us both. This time, for strategic purposes, I was not going to fight with him.

I asked Edward, "Why are you here?"

"Liam is dead. He was poisoned with chocolates that were meant for you."

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that. Who wanted me dead? Aside from that thug in the other room? Poor Liam. My bad luck was still contagious.

"We're leaving," Edward said as if he expected me to pitch a fit.

"Fine." I felt numb.

He did a double-take, which I ignored. Then he placed a palm on my forehead.

"What?" I tried not to back away.

"You aren't arguing. My Bella is back!"

He looked so happy. So I said nothing. Cruel reality with her bitter truths would soon dispel the illusion he had.

Being that close to Edward made me nervous. I didn't say a word as he drove his rental car to the airport. We flew to London, and then onto the States. I held my tongue during our several-hour flight across the Atlantic. Emmett's e-reader proved to be a Godsend.

We had a layover in Atlanta. He was on his second reading of the_ Wall Street Journal _when he commented, "Who was that on the phone you were talking to earlier?"

"Where?"

"In your office, before we left."

"That was Alec."

"The doctor?"

"The very same."

Edward's tone became cautious. "What is he to you?"

"A friend who saved my life. More than once."

Alec called me a walking tornado as I constantly found ways to injure myself that he considered fiendishly creative.

Edward relaxed a bit. "Your friends in the Junior League have been asking about you."

Please. I had no friends in that group. Besides, politics with them was almost as insane as surviving an African war lord's wrath, just slightly less civilized.

I snorted at my ex. "I can't imagine why. None of them liked me." Esme ran that group. Aside from giving them all my jewelry to auction for charity, I'd had no contact with them after they disinvited me to their meetings.

He shook his head and seemed so sad. "But you did have friends there, Bella. You left them all behind."

"Not anyone that mattered."

He flinched at that. He just didn't get it. "Are you including the family in that?"

By that I think he meant _his_ family, the Cullens. They certainly weren't mine.

"Hmm, let's see . . . um, yeah."

When I lost the baby, I had to take a cab home on Christmas Eve. The cab driver had felt so bad for me, he had refused to accept money, and had helped me to the door of my house. I had cried sitting underneath an empty tree clutching a baby blanket I had knitted. I clenched my hands together in my lap at the memory. I would never celebrate that holiday again.

I didn't think I could count on either Alice or Emmett to bail me out of jail at three in the morning. So that meant assaulting my ex-husband was not going to happen. Yet. But a girl could dream.

Edward mumbled, "They love and miss you."

"They love me? Please." I twisted my lips and stared anywhere but at him. "They couldn't even be bothered to interrupt their precious _family_ vacation when I was in the hospital."

I rolled my eyes to hide the grimace his words produced. His family loved me? Could have fooled me. Oh wait. Already did. Not falling for that again. Perhaps my bitterness showed. Edward almost appeared nervous for a moment. I had to have imagined that. Nothing ever flustered my smooth talking ex-husband.

"We were out of cell phone range when you called. I came as soon as I heard. You were gone from the hospital."

He had to be lying. If he had come, he would have moved heaven and earth to find me.

"Were your fingers broken? I had a cell phone back then." It surprised me how emotionless my voice sounded.

He almost sounded like he was begging. "There's so much more to the story than you know."

"Save it. It doesn't matter anymore."

His voice was soft, his arm at my shoulder gentle. "Come on." He led me to a shuttle.

I shook him off. "What now?"

"You are weaving on your feet. We're going to get some rest. This will take us to our hotel."

I stopped paying attention at that point. When we arrived at our lodging, Edward took me by the hand and refused to let go of me when making arrangements for a room.

"Welcome, Dr. Cullen," the twiggy, red-headed night receptionist cooed, "we have your room waiting just like you ordered."

"Thank you." He accepted the keys.

I disguised my laughter at her excessive fondling of his fingers by pretending to cough. She narrowed her eyes at me when he wasn't looking and gave me the stink eye. Running my fingers through my hair, I discreetly flipped her off. Edward, of course, saw nothing. Oh, if Esme could see me now, she'd be properly horrified and have a conniption fit. Instead of wearing the skirts and twin sets she had purchased for me, I was in jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and sneakers. My face had no makeup. My fancy watch that Edward had gifted me for my birthday had been traded in for a cheap plastic one worth two dollars.

We turned to leave and the clerk blurted, "You wanted a single room. With a king-sized bed, right?" I ignored her desperate attempt to get into Edward's good graces.

He put an arm around me and answered, "Thank you, Vicky. We'll be fine."

_King-sized bed?_ What. The. Hell. If he thought he was getting lucky tonight, I'd feed him his testicles. I'd make Lorena Bobbit seem like an underachieving rank amateur.

I asked, "Vicky, do you have a suite available, with two bedrooms?"

"Yes, I do."

"Goody. I want it." She handed us our new hotel keys. I leaned toward her and whispered, "Sometimes we get kind of loud." Then I blushed scarlet.

Edward almost swallowed his tongue as I bobbled past. I stopped at their complementary office to send Alec a quick email letting him know I had arrived in one piece.

"Come on. You look beat," Edward said. He put an arm at my waist as we walked to the elevator.

We had always stayed in hotel rooms with large beds when we had been married. But back then, when we had lived together, we had never fought. We were both neat and cleaned up after ourselves. Edward bordered on OCD, probably due to all that medical school and I'd learned how to clean from him. My jaunt down memory lane came to a grinding halt when he pulled me into our room.

Like a gargoyle, a garish Christmas tree squatted in the corner of the room and twinkled maliciously. The breeze from the heater made the silver tinsel sway like Spanish moss. I literally hadn't seen a Christmas tree since that awful night. A wave of anguish swept over me.

"What's wrong?"

I was on the verge of tears, suddenly thinking of last Christmas. "Have them get that tree out of here," I whispered and almost sprinted for the bathroom to lose my dinner.

As I retched, I felt his hand at my neck. When I finished, he helped me to my feet. I rinsed my mouth out and refused to meet his eyes. I cringed when he felt my forehead.

"You're not running a temperature."

"I know."

"Do you have a headache?"

"A little. Yeah."

He sounded so sad. "You always loved Christmas. It's only a tree. It can't hurt you."

I felt like the Grinch that stole Christmas. "I don't celebrate Christmas any more. It's the tree or me. This room isn't big enough for both of us."

"I'll take care of it."

Without putting much thought into it, I grabbed my pajamas from my small suitcase and took my shower. I had always taken them at night, so he could have them in the morning without worrying about me being in his way. It felt so awkward doing routine things that I used to take for granted. For the first time ever, I locked the bathroom door to make sure I didn't have company.

I stared at my body in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes were almost the purple of a pansy. I needed to gain at least ten pounds. The scars from the surgeries were bright red. But at least I was still in one piece.

My bathroom in Prague had been tiny. Standing in this shower felt fantastic, especially after spending all that time in Africa without running water. I washed my hair twice simply because I could. And I spent five minutes scouring my teeth and gargling to rid my mouth of the sour aftertaste getting sick left behind.

The tree and garish Christmas decorations were gone when I emerged. Edward handed me a glass of soda. I found him standing over my open suitcase, squinting at it.

"I ordered you some eggs and toast from room service."

"Thank you."

"Bella, where are your things?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your room was so empty. I didn't see a single picture. Surely you have more than . . . this." He pointed to the three pairs of jeans, five tops, two bras, and assorted underwear and socks. I also owned two pairs of shoes. And a coat Alec had given me.

"No, I don't."

"You didn't put everything in storage?"

"No."

"I left you the library. You had enough clothes to choke your fashionista friend, Alice. We had to build an extra closet to hold them."

"I gave them to charity."

He stared at me and gestured at my shirt. "Your clothes?"

I nodded eagerly.

"All of them?" His voice sounded strangled.

"Including the wedding dress. A crack whore wore it a week later. Renesmee was lovely in it."

A vein in his forehead started to throb. He stepped forward so close I could smell his cologne.

"And the books? You loved them. We spent years acquiring them."

Right. It had been my passion, but he had helped me find most of them, and I couldn't bear to see them and remember each memory that plagued me. I suppose the books were like the unwanted children of a divorced couple –no one wanted constant reminders that they had once been happy.

"The most expensive half went to Friends of the Library for their annual book sale, the others I mailed to an orphanage in Nuevo Laredo."

I turned my back on him and closed my suitcase, sliding it under the bed. And I totally pretended that I did not catch him checking out my rear. I didn't realize until I caught his gaze, that I had been rubbing my abdomen. Silly me. The baby was no longer there. He wouldn't understand that I had to leave the house because I couldn't cope with having the dream nursery set up and waiting for nothing.

"So you're telling me you gave away our entire house?"

I offered him a watery smile. "Down to the last piece of silverware."

"That belonged to your birth parents. That was all you had left of them."

I shrugged.

"I have their name. That's enough."

Edward sank down on the bed like his knees could no longer support him. "Bella, you loved those books."

He still didn't get it. "Lot of good that did me. Now they have a better home." I shrugged, climbed into my side of the bed, and pulled the quilt over my head. It wasn't his fault I had lost the baby.

Edward's questions were making me jittery. "But – "

Then I did what I had never done in all the years we had been together. "Done talking." I pointed toward the door. "Your bed is that way."

I could have sworn I heard him grumble, "So stubborn. Tomorrow then," under his breath.

I ignored him.

"Sooner or later you're going to have to listen to me. We need to talk first thing tomorrow. Your safety depends on it."

He didn't get that I didn't care. You can't kill what's already dead.

I squeezed my eyes shut like a child hiding from monsters at bedtime and proceeded to slink away into sleep.

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><p><strong>Please review.<strong>

**AN: Lauren's boyfriend was NOT Edward. OMG. LOL. Ew. double ew. **

**And um, next chapter is a big deal. That's all I'm saying. *evil laugh***

References

For more on Lorena Bobbit

http:/www (dot) cbsnews (dot) com/stories/2008/06/25/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main4207517 (dot) shtml


	8. Chapter 8

*** * *AN: This was a very difficult chapter to write. If you are at work, you might want to wait until you get home to read. This chapter contains physical and psychological violence and might be a trigger for some. It also deals with the death of a child. * * ***

**Unbecoming Chapter Eight: Lullaby and Goodnight**

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, detochkina and jmolly for the beta work. **

**Thanks to GinnyW_31 for her expertise regarding OB/Gyn elements of the plot.**

**Thanks as well to TwilightMomofTwo, EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.**

**Thanks so all for reading. I've fallen woefully behind on my review replies. But I've read every one. Thanks as well to everyone for the rec's, tweets, posts on FaceBook, and general hilarity.**

* * *

><p><em>Despite all of Mrs. Stanley's predictions about Edward and me being together, he was busier than ever while I pursued my undergraduate degree. Determined not to sulk, I loaded up my schedule and took twenty-one hours my first semester at St. Catherine's. It kept my mind off of him. Sometimes. <em>

_He emailed me every day. Like an addict with a fresh fix, I looked forward to each letter. He had the most charming way of viewing the world and a great sense of humor. I felt bad that I didn't write back letters as long as the ones that he sent me. I wasn't good with words. So I mailed him care packages of his favorite foods instead and sent him drawings. _

"_What are you doing Friday night?" Angela took a seat by me at the table in the library. It was finals week – the last day of exams to be precise._

"_Shh!" Sister Lois gave us the "you, little missy, are going straight to Hell" glare._

_I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote, "Nothing."_

_Angela took the sheet from me and scrawled in her loopy handwriting, "A group of us are going to that new Mexican place on Main. Please come."_

"_Okay. What time?"_

"_Seven."_

"_I'll be there," I wrote. "I have to get home now. Thanks for thinking of me." _

_If he kept his promise, Edward would be home tonight. I suppose because I lost my parents and joined the Cullen family around the holidays Esme overcompensated. Christmas was sacred in the Cullen house. Esme spent all year making projects: holiday quilts, embroidered table cloths with gold trumpets and angels, or crocheted snow flake ornaments. She designed the holiday family greeting card by hand that she mailed out to over five hundred people. Esme had great taste. She made the tree the centerpiece of her decorations and put some pine branches over the hearth and a wreath on the front door. _

_My heart leaped when I saw his car in the driveway. Running into the house would have appeared unladylike, so I forced myself to walk._

"_There you are!" He hugged me longer than usual. He felt so warm. "Bella, you must be freezing." He tugged me closer and ran his hands down my arms and back._

"_Not any more."_

_He kissed the top of my head. "Have you eaten?"_

"_No."_

"_I brought your favorite Chinese food. You can eat it while we watch a movie."_

_Silly me, I lasted ten minutes before I fell asleep against his shoulder. Edward must have carried me to bed. I should have known all that stress would bring a night terror on._

_When I fell under Morpheus' influence, I had a nightmare about the accident that killed my parents. I could remember our car sliding down the mountain, how I saw my parents' bodies flailing against their seat belts as we tumbled screaming and yelling, and the sounds of breaking glass and twisted metal. The glass of the passenger-side window hurt my head as I slammed against it repeatedly. I felt so cold, scared, and alone. I called out for my parents, but no one answered. I didn't know how long I sat in the car crying for them. It felt like forever. _

_I came awake with a yelp, bolted out of bed, and ran straight to Edward's room. I didn't bother knocking, just dove under the covers next to him. The wind sent another blast that hit his window and I shivered in time to the rattling pane, trying to warm up._

_Edward arranged the down comforter around us. We shared a pillow. _

"_Bad dream?" _

_He pulled me against his chest, and I felt his hand on my bare skin as he stroked my lower back making small circles. His t-shirt felt so soft against my cheek. His familiar scent comforted me. I nodded in response to his question. He was always so warm compared to me. _

_He asked, "Was it the same dream?"_

"_Yes."_

"_It can't hurt you." His hand moved to my hair. I sighed as he ran his fingers through it. _

"_When I'm awake, I know that. . . I remember being so alone and it was so cold."_

"_So it's the being alone part that scares you the most?" He could always cut through what I was saying and hold up an insightful point that hadn't occurred to me._

"_Yeah. In my dream, I feel like being alone will get me killed. Being alone and crying for help and no one answering . . ." I shuddered. "There's no worse feeling, Edward."_

"_Sunshine, you'll never be alone again. I promise." _

_I snuggled against his warmth and let it lull me to sleep. When I woke up he was gone. He left me a note with a bag beside it._

"_Sunshine, got you your favorite pastry. See you later, Edward." Inside the paper was a chocolate glazed cream-filled donut from Krispy Kreme. Sometimes I thought Edward was the perfect man._

_Friday afternoon found me nervously standing outside of the new Mexican restaurant afraid to go inside. I'd spent hours getting ready and wore a new forest green velvet dress and leather boots with a navy wool coat. My car was in the shop, so Mother dropped me off, and I'd told her that Angela would give me a ride home. I felt like a little girl dressed up in her mother's clothes about ready to enter a room full of adults who would see through my disguise in an instant. _

"_Bella, you look fantastic! I love that color on you." Angela gave me a hug. "We're inside on the right hand side." _

_She led me to a table – three guys and three girls now made up the group. I had thought it would be a girls' night out and tried to mask my surprise._

_Angela gestured to the man who sat across the table from me. "Bella, this is Stefan. He's from Romania and studying here for a year." _

_With his perfect cheekbones and long eyelashes he could have been a model. He had this manner about him, though, that suggested he expected women to throw themselves at his feet. Starting with me. _

_He made me nervous because he kept staring at me throughout dinner, so I lost my appetite. Was this some kind of blind date that I'd agreed to without realizing?_

_I glanced up to see Edward standing by me. _

"_There you are." He positively beamed._

_He wore a sharp suit and tie and looked so handsome, he took my breath away. He made Stefan look like Quasimodo's ugly little brother._

"_Hi, Edward," Angela said. "Did you come to try the food?"_

"_I came for Bella. I'm her ride home." _

_He sat next to me in the booth, threw an arm over my shoulders, and played with my hair. My mind went in two directions. Part of me felt confused. The other part wanted to jump him right then and there, and that mortified me. I didn't need Angela, who studied us both with interest, to tell me that my face turned scarlet. What the heck was he doing? He never touched me in public. Not like that._

"_Are you two together?" Stefan asked with a raised eyebrow._

"_Yes," Edward answered and gave me a warm look that made me blush even more._

"_How long?" Angela had a friendly expression. My lips moved, but I didn't know what to say._

"_I was a goner the second I saw her." Edward reached out and took my left hand in his and kissed it. "Are you ready, Bella?" He put money down on the table after he glanced at the bill._

_I loved the way he said my name. Like it mattered. He helped me into my coat, and after telling everyone goodbye, we went out into the bitterly cold night holding hands. The wind hit us with a frigid blast and Edward said, "Let's go!" We ran laughing to the car. _

_Judging by the lack of lights when we returned home, Mom and Dad went to bed early._

_Edward shut the front door and locked it._

_He put his hands on my shoulders and asked, "May I take your coat?" _

_By the time he slid it off, I was a trembling mass of nerves._

"_Thank you," I managed to croak._

"_You look so beautiful tonight. I love that color on you."_

_I smiled at him, not sure of what to say. _

_He had this expression I'd never seen. Almost like he was nervous. He cleared his throat and asked, "Do you want a June wedding?"_

_I realized then that he'd gotten dressed up for me. Edward never wore suits unless he had to. I almost pinched myself to see if I was dreaming that he just proposed. I was so shocked I blurted the first thing that came to mind._

"_Can't we elope instead?"_

"_Mom would never forgive us. You're her only chance to plan a wedding."_

"_She'd invite the whole town!" I wrung my hands and shuddered._

_He pulled me into his arms. I felt like my skin was on fire. He held me close and whispered, "We'll face it together, like always, and I'll see what I can do about keeping the ceremony small. I can't wait to make you my wife." He ran his hand along my cheek._

"_Really?" _

"_Really." He smiled. _

_He was so much taller than me. The tree was the only source of light. He sat down on the leather sofa and pulled me into his lap._

"_I couldn't wait any longer to give you this. Give me the best Christmas ever and be my bride?"_

_He held out a ring. I covered my mouth, awed. It was stunning. I didn't answer, and just nodded wide-eyed. _

"_You will?" He looked to the heavens, sighed, and whispered with a beatific smile, "Thank God."_

_He pulled me closer and kissed me. Being in his arms was bliss. My stars, that man could kiss. I never wanted to stop. I had long dreamed of what kissing him would be like. And I was wrong. So wrong. Because this was even better than I imagined. _

"_Gosh, Edward," I moaned as he brushed his lips against my throat, "you're awfully good at this."_

"_Really? Um, thank you. I haven't had a lot of practice." _

"_What do you mean?"_

_He smiled and blushed. "You're my first kiss. And you're not so bad yourself. I can barely keep my hands off of you."_

"_You seriously have never kissed anyone else?" I squeaked. I mean I thought I was odd being a college freshman at eighteen and not having kissed anyone. But Edward was six years older. And male. And gorgeous. How did that happen?_

_His hair stood up in patches from where I'd run my fingers through it. He looked adorable._

"_I can be disciplined when it's important. I've waited all this time for you, Bella. It's you that I love."_

_I said to him, "No one could ever come close to how I feel about you."_

_We sat in front of the fireplace and watched as it began to snow. I wanted it to be June already. We ended up not marrying until I graduated from college, but I didn't mind the wait. Every Christmas Eve, Edward planned some way to show me how much he loved me. I would forever cherish Christmas Eve because Edward made all my dreams come true._

I shook myself as I came back to the present. That was the old Edward, when he was my love. Before he turned into that frightening stranger with the forbidding face. I tried to push the memories away and concentrate on getting some rest. I imagined myself walking on a sun-kissed beach listening to the ocean.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I had a dream about someone screaming in agony like bullets pierced flesh and crowbars crushed bones. My throat kind of hurt, too. Mutilated dolls danced before my horrified eyes. Then I heard a child whisper, "Mommy, I'm scared. Don't let the bad man take me." I felt inhumanly strong hands around my neck tenaciously choking off my air. Despite my feeble struggles, I now wore a delicate necklace of agony. I could feel my attacker sniffing at me like an animal.

"I warned you that if you talked, I'd come back to teach you a lesson," he rumbled.

"Bella!"

I wondered when that screaming would stop. The desperation I heard in it was freaking me out.

"Bella!"

Now I felt like I stood in an earthquake as everything started shaking. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. Edward had me in his arms. I froze.

I was so flustered. "Um." How eloquent.

He was so close. Almost close enough to kiss. "You were having another nightmare."

Panting, I asked, "Another?"

"You had them every night at the hospital. That's why they sedated you at night."

"Oh."

"You were screaming my name."

I'd have to add that to the list of things I needed to forget how to do. I wanted to crawl under the bed and die of mortification, but God couldn't be that merciful.

I couldn't cross my arms over my chest since I was squashed against him. Instead, I scoffed, "Was not."

He kissed my forehead and I stiffened. "Were too." My skin burned where his lips had touched.

Ridiculous, because Edward had never, to the best of my knowledge, lied to me about something like that.

"Going back to sleep now, fibber-maker-upper."

He chuckled. "I think we should stay awake for when the SWAT team uses the battering ram against the door and throws the flash-bang grenades in the room." He sobered. "You were so loud. It sounded like someone was murdering you."

If only he knew. It felt like I had a block of ice in my stomach.

"Gee, thanks. Sorry I disturbed your sleep." I tapped at his arm so he'd let me up, an old signal of ours.

I went to the restroom to get some water and wash my face. The haggard woman that glared at me from the mirror had black circles under weary eyes. I couldn't believe I had screamed so loud he could hear it all the way in his room on the other side of the suite. Edward sensed my unease as I approached my bed.

He said, "I'll stay. I don't mind. I don't sleep well anyway without you in bed beside me. I never have."

I was so tired. I couldn't remember the last time I had a decent night's sleep. Pathetic wretch that I was, I caved. I didn't protest when he pulled the covers around us. My head rested on his shoulder. His hands were gentle against the bare skin of my back. If he made a move on me, I was going to elbow him in the throat. No . . . the groin. Heck, why be picky? Both.

I felt his chest rumble as he tiptoed into my personal minefield. "You haven't had trouble from nightmares in years. Did you have the same one from when you were little?"

It took me a while to answer. "I really don't want to talk about it."

I felt his hands in my hair, brushing it away from my face as his weight pressed against me.

"I take that as a no."

He had a pair of pajama bottoms on that I'd never seen. Flannel, Black Watch tartan. I wondered where he'd found them. He hated shopping almost as much as I did. At the last second, I stopped myself from feeling the fabric.

_Note to self: Bella Swan, you no longer have permission to put your hands on Edward's pants, especially near his crotch. _Instead, I tangled a hand in the cotton fabric of his top. He'd been lifting weights as his chest looked larger than I recalled under his black t-shirt.

When it came to passion, I had always been shy. That had changed when Edward started working out at the gym a few years ago. His shoulders made my knees go weak. One day when he took his shirt off, something came over me and I threw restraint out the window and pounced. We never made it to the bed. I recalled the awe on his face after we made love – how cherished and special he made me feel.

Time passed with me doing elaborate mental gymnastics to keep from talking about my dream. I let the silence speak for me.

"Bella, sometimes it helps talking about them, you know. Was it about the –"

"G'night." I squirmed out from under Edward's weight, turned my back and pulled my knees against my chest. I refused to let him see the tears that I wiped away.

I couldn't talk to him about my nightmare. I didn't want Edward to know that it was my fault we lost the baby. If I had only been more careful, acted like a reasonable human being, I'd be a mother today.

I had never been known for being loquacious, and I wasn't about to start now. In the end, it didn't make a difference. I was still divorced, childless, unwanted, and alone.

I had once thought that nothing was worse than being separated from my one true love. Cruel experience taught me the extent of my folly. Lying in bed beside Edward, having him so close I could smell him, and knowing he didn't love me anymore proved every bit as agonizing. Even worse– knowing that I deserved to suffer only added fuel to the fire.

I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

The smell of bacon and French toast tickled my senses awake. I rolled over and saw it was ten in the morning. My bad shoulder protested as I moved. I pulled the pillow over my face, and willed the dull ache to subside. Edward had set breakfast up in my room.

The early sunlight illuminated his unshaven face. He looked delicious as he concentrated on the paper. Forget the food.

As my luck would have it, he caught me peeking at him. With a grin, he tossed a section of his newspaper at me. "Breakfast is served, milady." That was how he always used to wake me up.

I grumbled, "Go away, you annoying man." That was not the usual answer.

His smile faltered for a moment. God save me from morning people. He enthused, "Not happening. Come on, Sunshine."

I ignored his shameless use of my nickname and his boundless enthusiasm and pointed to my head. "Sleeping here." I pulled the comforter over my head.

"I'll pull the sheets off of you and let you fly home in that outfit."

I had always been modest, but I didn't want my ex to think he could control me, so I bluffed. "And?"

"I'll eat your French toast."

"Cad."

Refusing to look at him, I pushed away the bedding, got up, gingerly walked over, and took my seat across from him at the round table. I pretended that he wasn't all but taking my vitals as I approached. The red scar on my shoulder showed through my sleeveless cotton tee. I did my best to ignore that he was staring at it, or that my white t-shirt didn't camouflage my nipples. He was a breast man. Of that I was quite sure. Not that I had much to offer in that department.

"Bella, did you ever see Dr. King?"

"Who?" I took a bite and almost moaned at the flavor.

Edward cleared his throat. "Dr. King, the psychiatrist?"

I gritted my teeth. The preoccupation with shrinks was getting old.

"Why do you ask?" I stabbed another piece of my breakfast.

"I take it that means _no_." He exhaled slowly like he was trying to stay calm. "Sometimes people who have brain injuries like you behave differently. Lose their tempers. Pick fights. Like yesterday with that man."

I lost my appetite and pushed away my plate. So now I was crazy?

With effort, my voice stayed calm. "Is that what you think happened?"

"Bella, in all the years I've known you, you have never been violent."

I tossed my napkin to the table. "Maybe I've finally grown up, Edward, and fought for something for once."

"What are you talking about?"

"That man tried to drag our administrative assistant, Anya, back into sexual slavery. She's pregnant." I tripped over that word. "He's the one that she escaped from. She was fifteen when he forced her to work as a prostitute, after keeping her in a cellar and abusing her for months. He _branded_ his initials on her arm. Anya doesn't want her baby born into that life."

"Oh, I had no idea." Edward put down his coffee cup and just watched me, so I kept talking.

"He ran past our security and attacked her while everyone stood around and watched. He had a knife. She begged me for help. So I didn't pick that fight. I ended it."

He leaned forward on his elbows and cradled his head. "I'm having a hard time getting over the idea of you swinging a desk on someone's skull."

"It was the only thing I had handy. I could not stand there and let him take her."

He put more bacon on my plate. "Eat some more, please. You've lost too much weight. You are far more argumentative than normal and, considering I've known you since you were five, I can't stress how different that is from my quiet Bella."

"I'm fine, Edward. I've gained five pounds since I left the hospital."

I rubbed my aching shoulder while he watched my every move.

"Have you had anyone look at that since you got out of the hospital?"

I tried to be civil as I finished off the bacon. "I'm not your responsibility any more, Edward." I stood up and went to my suitcase to get a clean set of clothes.

He rose to his feet and took three steps toward me. "What if I want you to be?" He seemed so serious. So earnest.

My hands shook at his question. I wrapped them around a pile of clean clothing. He only felt sorry for me because he felt bad that I was shot. I had to nip this in the bud before I got hurt. Again. There were things that hurt worse than bullet wounds. I should know.

My smile kept me from crying although my eyes brimmed with tears I refused to shed. "Then I'd say you're the one that needs the psychiatrist, because you're tilting at windmills that you burned to the ground." I did not look at him to gauge his reaction.

Softly, I closed the bathroom door behind me. Sure, he'd seen me naked more times than I could count. But that was then and this was the fearful now. I took my time getting ready. When I worked up the courage to leave the bathroom, Edward had his coat on, and oh my stars, he smelled delicious. I lectured my pouting inner child to get over herself. He took my suitcase from me.

"Bella, it's going to be in the forties today."

"Okay."

He ran the fabric of my coat through his fingers. "You only have a thin jacket. You'll be cold." I hadn't taken time to buy more than a few long-sleeved shirts since I'd been in Europe. "I'll pick something up at the airport."

"You don't have a sweater?"

Mrs. Bishop had bought me one, but I had destroyed it in the washing machine. "No."

Edward acted baffled. I was the spouse that always dressed for the elements.

He opened his suitcase and pulled out a dark green cashmere crewneck I'd bought him two years back. Cautiously, I slipped it over my head. I could smell his cologne around the neck. The sweater reached my knees.

As we exited the hotel elevator, I asked, "Can we stop by their courtesy office? I need to check my email."

Vicky stood behind the front desk and frowned at the sight of me wearing Edward's sweater. She could have been hog tied, naked, coated in honey, and set on fire in front of him and Edward wouldn't have noticed. When he concentrated, the rest of the world vanished. At the moment, for reasons mysterious to me, I was the focus of his attention.

Edward pulled a chair out for me. He sat by me and watched as I accessed my account, which made me nervous. It was just like old times when he'd come home from work and find me on the computer.

I typed out a quick note to Alice to let her know I was on my way. Again.

I emailed my attorney to let him know that I was back in town. I needed to find out what was up with this account Alexander had claimed that I had. His card fell out of my pants pocket.

Edward picked it up for me and stared at it like it was a snake. "When did you see him?"

"Yesterday morning."

He put a hand on my upper arm. "Did he hurt you?"

Nonplussed, I gawped at him. "No." And I pointed to my sore shoulder. _"Ouch."_

Edward ripped his hand away as if electrocuted. "I'm sorry. What did he want?"

"He claimed that he managed Esme and Carlisle's accounts and one for me. I told him that I wasn't a Cullen anymore." Edward grimaced. I continued, "But he insisted that he had money that was mine."

"I already told you, you can't unbecome a Cullen. You're one for life. Anyway, did he ask for anything?"

"Only for me to meet him for dinner at his hotel."

Edward muttered, "He's a wanted man here in the States . . . probably in Europe, too." Edward paused, and glanced at his watch. "The travel reservations are in our name. We've got to go now."

"Hang on. I promised Alec I'd check in with him."

Alec's chat status showed he was online.

_B: Hey_

_A: Back atcha, wonder woman._

_B: Any news for me?_

_A: Things are a little unsettled in Prague. You have excellent taste in enemies. Turns out, the guy you clocked comes from one of the most powerful families from around here. Working on smoothing things over, but I don't think you should return here. _

My heart sank. I had liked that job.

_B: Is Anya okay?_

_A: She's staying with me for the near future. She and the baby are fine. Tyler wants to open an office in the US where you are, and I plan on coming to join you, and bringing Anya. It's not safe for her here. _

_B: Thanks for telling me. I've been worried about her. Gotta go, ex wants to leave. Later._

It looked like I had to go on a vacation whether I wanted to or not. I shut down the browser.

"Ready."

Edward's gaze was frank. "Aside from me and Jasper, you've never had male friends."

I came so close to saying, "Look how well _that_ turned out." For the record, I barely had any female friends either.

I blinked at him. "What's your point?"

"Alec."

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure he's just a friend?"

My fingers itched to smack him. "Are you _seriously_ asking me about my feelings for him? Or his for me?"

"Both." He acted like a man waiting for the first blow to hit.

"Not that it's any of your business, but he's a friend. When you're out in the middle of nowhere in primitive conditions, you get to know people." I walked past him. He seemed relieved.

What the heck? So, _he_ didn't want me, but he didn't want anyone else to want me either? I needed to develop a love life, STAT. I spun back around.

Edward seemed to relax after that.

The entire time we were in the shuttle on our way to the airport, Edward fiddled with his phone texting back and forth with someone. He had never been the type to spend time typing when he could just pick up the phone and call.

When we got to the airport, he got us on a standby flight that left half an hour earlier than our original one. He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief once we were airborne.

Emmett met us when we landed. He picked me up with a hug. "Did you shoot anyone this time, hot stuff?" I hid the fact that my shoulder really hurt. I didn't want to make Emmett feel bad.

My ex glowered at him as Emmett set me down. "No, she only took a desk to the skull of a knife-wielding human trafficker. She was positively restrained."

"For real?"

"As a heart attack," Edward grumbled.

"He asked for it." I crossed my arms.

Emmett's eyes flickered around the lounge. "We're attracting more attention than we want. Um, the car's right out here. Let's go."

I saw a few people pointing at us as we walked from the building. I looked away when one person started snapping pictures with a cell phone. Edward noticed it and put his arm around my waist as we walked.

All I wanted to do was go somewhere that I could call home. A place where I would be left in peace. Now I had the delicate problem of trying to find a place to stay. My birth parents had left me well off, and I had money that gathered interest in a savings account. Also, Edward had thrown obscene amounts of money at me in the divorce settlement. I had never touched a penny of it, and that would not change. I rubbed at my eyes. I just needed to be still for a while. Maybe I should take a break.

Edward asked Emmett, "Would you mind taking us to the hospital? Bella has an appointment with Dr. Felix."

Now I knew what all the typing was for, and tried not to resent Edward for it. I knew I should go, but I wanted to be the one to make the decision. At this point it wasn't worth fighting over. I knew Emmett would side with Edward. Emmett drove us straight there.

Dr. Felix's nurse ushered me back to an examination room, handed me a gown, and told Edward to wait out front with a frosty glare Jane would have envied. Five vials of blood later, I lay on the cold table and stared up at the white ceiling feeling the thin tissue paper with my hands.

Linoleum floors make for conversations that carry. Down the hall, I heard Emmett tell my ex, "Edward, it's been very hard to sit back and watch what you've done to Bella and not beat the crap out of you."

"You've been a good friend to her, Emmett. Thank you."

"Stop sucking up, bucko, and tell me what the hell is going on. You don't know what you're playing with regarding Bella."

"What do you mean?" He sounded genuinely puzzled.

"Now is not the time to put pressure on her. She lost everything right down to her last name by the time you and your family got done with her. I watched her become more and more depressed. I'd say she quickly dropped twenty-five pounds, and her hair started falling out. She acted like nothing bothered her, and usually changed the subject if I tried to get her to talk. Then she really scared the crap out of me. She gave away her possessions and vanished. Do I need to draw you a map?"

"Yes, I don't know what you're hinting at. So Bella wanted to start over. It makes sense."

"Edward, for someone with such a high IQ, you are moronic about people. Aside from clothes and her bank account, she doesn't have any possessions left. One thing I remember about her when we first met was she liked wearing jewelry. Have you seen her wearing any lately?"

"No."

"My admin Kate told me that Bella gave her jewelry to the Junior League to auction this Christmas."

Edward's voice lowered. "She did?"

"Does that strike you as normal for Bella?"

"No. I'll have to call them to get it back. This must be her grieving."

"I think it goes far beyond that. Only one conclusion makes sense. She was getting ready to kill herself. That's why she gave away everything and went to Africa. She doesn't care about living."

After a long pause, Edward's voice shook. "Bella would _never_."

Emmett argued, "How do you know? You weren't around. She confided in no one as far as I know."

"I just know her."

"Seriously? That's the best you have? Have you seen the sketches she made while she was in Africa?"

"Yes," Edward answered with a heavy sigh. "Those images are burned in my mind. I have no idea how she stayed sane. She's never been one to surround herself with harsh things."

"Did you ever think your ex-wife would take on a gun-waving nutcase when she was unarmed?"

"No," his voice broke.

"Did you see any drawings in there of her old life?"

"No."

"Right, not a single one. That should show you something."

"I don't know what to say. I'll do anything to help her."

Like what, irritate me to death? Emmett was right, my ex was obtuse.

Emmett sighed and said, "If it's one thing I've learned since I've come to know her: never underestimate what your ex-wife is capable of doing. Yeah, she sucks at lying, but she's a much better pretender than you ever gave her credit for. She's still in very bad shape, and Alice and I have both tried to get her to seek help. She's refused every time."

Edward sounded like he was pleading. "I'm trying to help her. I'm trying to get our lives back."

"I'm worried sick about her."

"Me too."

"_You_ should be. So stop pressuring her. You can't change history. Give her room and time, and get your family to back off. It's only fair after all the shit you and Mommy Dearest put her through."

"Please don't pick on my mother. She has suffered every day since this nightmare began. This has been agonizing for my family."

"I'm sorry if I sound rude, but you deliberately put yourself in this position when you decided to treat Bella like Carthage and all but sow salt into her heart. I don't have much charity for your family. I had a ringside seat watching Bella's life get decimated. You didn't. You ducked and hid. Now you're looking at smoke and ashes and trying to put a new door up like nothing ever happened. That's beyond fucked up, and it won't work."

Edward sounded weary. "I can't tell you everything now, but I had reasons – good ones – for acting as I did. You have no idea how hard it was to hurt her and stay away. I just want my wife back. I love her. I'll do anything to help her."

Maybe I needed to get my hearing checked along with my brain. Was hallucinating a side effect of a concussion? From my position in the examining room, I sat there gobsmacked. He loved me? What horse hockey. _Loved _me? If this was love, I'd hate to see how he treated someone he hated. This had to be face-saving so he wouldn't look bad in front of Emmett. The only thing Edward felt for me was guilt.

"The old Bella that you knew?" Emmett sounded so serious. "She's gone. You and yours immolated her like a vampire in sunlight. Now you're left with an entirely different creature. So stop making assumptions about what you know, and encourage her to get help."

If I were being completely honest, I enjoyed hearing Edward have his head handed to him. I couldn't argue like that. I'd never stuck up for myself – then again, I'd never fought with Edward, either.

Dr. Felix came in the room and shut the door, cutting off their conversation.

He seemed happy. "Well, your initial results are back. You still have a ways to go with your nutrition." He peered down at the papers in his hand. "The results show that you're anemic."

Then he had me move my arm around and poked at my shoulder.

"Your shoulder is healing as I'd expect, but you need more physical therapy. You've lost about ten percent of the range of motion because of the wound."

"Okay."

Dr. Felix studied me quietly before asking, "How are you handling things?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's been all over the news, young lady, that you've had a horrible year."

I blushed. I didn't know how to answer that, so I stared at my swinging feet. "Yes."

Despite being so tall, Dr. Felix really gave off a fatherly vibe. "If my daughter went through all that has happened to you, I'd encourage her to get therapy and consider anti-depressants. Are you still having the nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Are you sleeping?"

"Not well."

He wrote me several prescriptions and handed them to me. "You should consider taking these."

"Okay."

"Do I have your permission to talk to Edward about this?" He handed me a set of forms.

"Yes." I signed it. Doing so would keep him out of my hair. I exited the examining room clutching a fistful of prescriptions.

When I reached the lobby, Edward handed me a cup of coffee he'd picked up for me at Starbucks. "I got your favorite." He took the prescriptions from me and looked them over.

"Bless you." I almost took a sip but felt the steam and yanked the cup away from my mouth, putting the lid back on. I'd drink it when it cooled down.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to warn you it's hot." He rubbed at my lip. I stood there with what was doubtless the deer-in-the-headlights expression. We both jumped when Dr. Felix cleared his throat and came into the room.

My stomach rumbled. The vending machines I had seen down the hall tempted me. I left him talking to Dr. Felix.

"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked.

"To get a granola bar from the vending machine." It was forty feet away around a corner from them.

He reached into his pocket. "Do you have any American money on you?"

My feet halted and I blushed. He smiled gently and handed me a few quarters. I'd have to add that to the money I owed him for the plane ticket.

"Thanks."

He nodded, turned his back to me, and went back to talking to Dr. Felix.

I was putting the first quarter in the machine when I saw a stranger's face reflected in the glass.

"Hello, little one. I've found you at last."

He looked like a brawler, a slightly thinner version of Emmett. I didn't recognize the face, but the voice was one scorched into my memory. I almost fainted from terror.

As I inhaled, I recognized his scent. He reeked of cigarettes and patchouli incense. The coins in my hand dropped to the floor and scattered as I spun around to face the devil himself. He had the meanest eyes – sunken pits of brown that were almost black, looming above a smashed nose in his pale face. One quarter he stomped with his massive foot, as if he could squash it like a grape. I imagined it was me instead of the thin metal under the sole of his boot.

Why couldn't I run? My feet seemed sealed to the ground. The cup in my hand shook so much I almost dropped it.

This man had single-handedly ruined my life. Images from that ghastly night began bombarding my brain, like someone had bombed a dam, sending a flood of memories racing towards me, each one more painful than the next. I had blocked it out – what he did to me. How my baby died. I felt like I'd been yanked into frigid water unexpectedly and struggled to reach the surface while the pressure squeezed my lungs.

There was an empty waiting area behind me. I glanced around to see if anyone was nearby. I couldn't hear Edward or Dr. Felix.

We were alone for the moment. He towered over me. The smile he brandished promised nothing but cruelty.

"You've been a bad little girl," he whispered. "You don't seem to have learned your lesson. Would hate to have to start paying visits to some of those Cullens. Weak heart your Mother has, right?" He had an accent; it sounded French.

And suddenly, I lost control of the rage that swept through me – the righteous anger of a childless mother came to life. I was never going to be his victim again and I owed it to my baby to make him pay.

It took every bit of control I had to say through my rage, "You killed my baby."

He radiated pure malevolence as he leaned over. "I did. You deserved it for ruining my life. You're next."

I backed up, yanked off the lid from my cup, and flung the steaming coffee in his face. His piercing scream hurt my ears and warmed my tattered soul.

"Wow, you don't look so good. Here." I tossed a napkin at him.

Then I kicked him in the balls so hard it hurt my foot. I might have broken a toe, but I didn't care. Ugly Eyes bellowed louder when I kicked him with the other foot and he fell to the floor. Grabbing at his crotch, he got to his knees with his eyes shut like a blind bear. Once he was on his feet he lunged for me.

I read a war story once where the author explained that when you fight everything slows down. I had thought at the time it sounded like horse hockey. But he was so right. I blocked out everything around me and focused on the beast that haunted my nightmares.

I backed up as fast as I could, but wasn't quick enough. He swung out blindly and cuffed me across the face. I saw stars as I went flying and landed on the empty chairs in the waiting area. It made a huge racket.

I gritted my teeth to keep from shouting in pain. "Bastard."

Memories continued flooding me. Things I'd pushed away. Images so painful I almost forgot to function.

Ears ringing, I scrambled to my feet and looked for a weapon. Where's a good desk when you need one? I picked up an end table and tossed it at him. He batted it away like it was a toy.

"Murderer!" We finally attracted notice of a group that walked around the corner. I heard gasps as people stopped and stared. Someone yelled for security.

He snarled at me, and spat, "You deserve to die for what you did!" I'd never seen this man in my life. I couldn't wrap my mind around what he had done to me.

He sprang at me and hit me again, this time in the stomach. I curled into a ball as I tried to get a grip on the pain. Suddenly, I heard a loud noise and saw blood splatter the wall behind him and the glass of the vending machine. His shoulder all but exploded in a shower of gore as someone shot him twice, propelling him backwards. I turned to see that Edward held the gun. He appeared incandescent with rage.

People started screaming. The noise from the gunshots hurt my ears. Time seemed to stop. I was back in Africa, dying in the dirt. Then my mind took me to the old house and images of my personal hell assaulted me.

Edward picked me up in one arm and pulled me away from the area, keeping the gun aimed at Ugly Eyes. All I could see was the blood.

Dr. Felix, and Emmett came running.

"Bella, what happened?" Emmett asked.

I stammered and pointed at the man on the ground. "Him. Last Christmas." Emmett would understand. I could barely breathe, but I sobbed, nonetheless.

Edward rubbed my back. I had no idea what he did with the gun, but it probably was a good thing it wasn't in my hands. "Bella, honey, where do you hurt?"

"My foot. I think I broke it kicking him. He hit me in the head and stomach."

"Who fired the gun?" A security guard came running.

Edward raised his hand. "He attacked my wife."

I could feel tears burning a trail of fire down my face, as I wheezed. I started shaking and wrapped my arms around myself. "Just now he said he was going to hurt Mom next." My teeth chattered as I started to hyperventilate.

Dr. Felix knelt by the man and started first aid. "Edward, she needs a sedative now. Get her to the ER."

A bystander, an elderly man, said, "From where I stood it looked like a clear cut case of self-defense. That one," he pointed to Ugly Eyes, "he threatened the little lady there." He might have been aided in that assessment by the people that lurked in the corner snapping pictures and chattering into their cell phones.

Edward said to the security guard, "I heard him threaten to kill her and saw him hit her. I defended my wife. That's my statement."

_Wife? That's it, I had clearly lost my mind from getting hit one too many times in the skull. But he beat me to the funny farm. _

The guard said, "I'll come to you to sign the report when I finish filling it out, Dr. Cullen. You will have to talk to the police, too, and they're on their way. Ms. Swan, glad to see you're . . . um, okay."

Emmett said to the security guard, "Randy, I can fill you in on the back story once she's been treated. She's in no shape to talk." He turned to us, "ER. Let's go."

Edward carried me into the bustling Emergency Room following Emmett. I couldn't breathe. He put me down on an examining table and Emmett slipped an oxygen mask over me.

"I'll be right back. I have to check you in," Edward said.

"Bella, we have got to stop meeting like this," Emmett deadpanned. "You hurting yourself just so you could see me. I mean, really." He batted his eyelashes at me. "I know I'm irresistible and all, but I'm in a relationship."

I snorted and giggled through my tears, and then broke down and sobbed.

"I'm giving you a sedative, okay? A strong one." I felt the sting of the needle and alcohol. It didn't take long for it to hit my bloodstream. The only thing that kept me from becoming hysterical was the collection of chemicals he gave me that made everything seem fuzzy. Like it didn't matter.

He probed my stomach with his hands. "You're going to be bruised here, but he didn't break any ribs." Emmett asked, "Which foot hurts?" I pointed to my right one, sniffling. He took off my shoe and sock as Edward came in. My foot was swelling. Emmett gently probed as I tried to calm down.

"X-ray?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, and a CT scan for her head." Emmett scribbled something on a pad and handed it to Edward. "You got this?"

"I do." He carried me down the hall. An hour later I was the proud owner of a new walking cast and quite loopy from the sedatives and pain killer.

I know Edward talked to the police, but I didn't remember much of it, or leaving the hospital. I only knew that I woke up in a strange bed. I leaned on my elbows and stared around in confusion.

Edward said, "This is our place."

_Our? What the heck had Emmett given me? LSD?_

The mattresses only had a bed frame. There were no pictures anywhere. It looked like Edward used this place to sleep.

"Please, I need to hear from you what happened that night, Bella, to you and our baby. Please?"

I sat up, wrung my hands, and then clasped them together to keep from shaking. I stammered, "I don't know if I can."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?"

"N-Not really," I whispered.

I jumped at his touch. "Bella." He gently stroked my cheek as I started to cry.

"Hunh?"

"That night. Can you please tell me what happened?"

My chest hurt even to think about it. Like a sinner dragged screaming to hell, I sank into the miserable pit of memories that opened up before me.

_It was the middle of the night on the 23rd ushering in Christmas Eve. I had cried myself to sleep wondering what I could have done that was so awful that my husband would leave me and my family abandon me. _

_An odd noise woke me. It sounded like someone moved downstairs. Since the alarm didn't go off, I concluded that it was Edward coming back, and my heart leaped. I rubbed at my eyes and pulled down my sleep shirt and tried to fix my hair. _

_When I heard glass shattering, I realized that I had to be wrong. And I froze in the bed like a coward. The sounds of more glass shattering traveled from downstairs. It woke me from my stupor. I grabbed my cell phone and called 911 while putting on a robe. The signal was busy. Frantic, I dialed again. Busy again. I hung up and dialed a third time. Still busy. Edward hadn't told me where he and the family were going. Maybe they were in town. I called Edward's number first. It went straight to voice mail. With shaking fingers, I called Dad's number. _

"_This is Carlisle Cullen." I heard more glass smashing and jerked in fright. "Please leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as possible." His voice was good enough he could have gone into broadcasting. It made an awful contrast to the noise from below._

_My heart started beating faster. Desperately, I tried 911 again only to hear that damn busy signal. I dialed Jasper's number._

"_This is Jasper Cullen. Please leave a message."_

_I heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs and was too afraid to leave a message. Whoever was in the house, I decided they could have whatever they wanted so long as I could get out._

_I heard a deep voice taunt, "Come out, come out, wherever you are." _

_I tiptoed into the hallway, and yelped when he grabbed me. My phone fell to the ground, and he kicked it out of the way. He held me off of the ground, smashed against his chest. The moonlight made it easy for him to see me. _

_I begged him, "Please don't hurt my baby." _

_He had a ski mask on. He didn't answer me. He just stood there and sniffed at my hair. Then the baby kicked._

"_What the hell was that look for?" he asked._

"_It's my baby kicking. Please don't hurt him. Take whatever you want in the house."_

"_What shampoo do you use?"_

"_Av – Aveda."_

_He sounded almost friendly. "Thank you, I'll have to buy it for my girl. Let's get you down on the floor." He lowered me almost gently until I stood on my feet. He guided me to the stairs and nudged me forward, so I moved. I thought he was going to let me leave. _

_I said, "Bless you. It's Christmas Eve." I stopped and swallowed and shut my eyes. _

_Then he whispered, "You made this easy since the alarm was off. A pretty woman like you alone in a rich house? You aren't too smart, are you? Tell the police about this and I'll be sure to come back and finish what I started."_

_I was so scared I could barely speak. "P-Please," I begged. Tears ran down my face. _

"_This is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me." He laughed. Then he hit me in the head. I screamed and drew my arms instinctively up to my skull. His hand came down again on my arm and I heard a sickening crack as the bone snapped. I think I screamed again. _

"_Shut up!" He punched me in the abdomen so hard it sucked the breath out of me. I gasped and doubled over and he held me up by the shoulder and punched me again. _

"_Time to take a little trip." He lifted me by the waist as my feet kicked at him and I shrieked. _

_I felt myself go flying through the air until I landed head first on the stairs and rolled down to the cold tile floor. It knocked the breath out of me. _

_He whistled the song, "Whistle While You Work," as he stepped over me and said, "Be a good girl. Don't move. I want to remember you that way." _

_He snapped a picture. I heard banging from the study and I passed out._

_When I woke up, it hurt so much to move. I tried to crawl for the door and started cramping. I thought if I stayed still I'd save the baby. I screamed for help, but no one came._

_Then I felt the contractions start. I didn't have a watch so I had to guess at how far apart they were. My leg hurt so much I almost threw up when I tried to get to my feet. So I crawled awkwardly using one leg and one arm to the phone. It felt like it took forever as I had to take deep breaths when the contractions hit. I had to save my baby. I had to get help. God couldn't be this cruel. At last, I reached the phone and pulled it to the floor. I put it to my ear and heard nothing. _

_I chanted to the Heavens, "Please, please work," and hung up and picked it up again, hoping to get a dial tone. _

_I heard nothing but dead air as another contraction made me curl into a ball and weep. _

_Then my water broke. _

_I laid there and screamed, "Edward! Please help me! Someone!" For the longest time, I heard nothing. It was like being back in that car when I was five with my dead parents._

_Mocking laughter startled me. Someone clapped. "Bravo! What a performance!" It was him. The Devil. He crouched down near me and gently pushed the hair from my face as I cringed. _

_He chortled. "That's one heck of a pair of shiners you're going to have." Then he shook his head like I was an idiot student he didn't know what to do with. "You're being too loud. Can't have anyone coming to help you. I have people watching the house. Shut up and stay put or I'll come back." _

_I've never felt more desperate and helpless in my entire life. "My baby is innocent. It's too soon for him to be born. Please help me!"_

_He dropped a hand towel by me and said, "For your baby." I could not stop crying and tried to beg with my eyes. I couldn't understand how someone could be this cruel. _

"_Women like you don't deserve to have children. This is how it should be." _

_He spat on me and left by the front door. _

Edward's voice broke me from my memory. "Bella, you've been quiet all this time. Can you tell me what happened?"

My voice sounded flat. "That man broke into the house in the middle of the night. I tried to call for help, but 911 kept giving me a busy signal. You didn't answer your phone." I gulped and wiped at my eyes.

Edward's eyes widened and he flinched. I continued, "He beat me and threw me down the stairs and left. I crawled to the phone, but the line had been cut. I went into labor. I thought he had gone, but he came back when he heard me screaming for help. He told me he was watching the house and not to leave or he'd hurt me."

My ex blanched and pressed his lips together so hard they turned white. His hands shook. Then he said, "Jesus Christ." Edward held me. "Sunshine, I am so sorry I wasn't there."

"It took hours for him to be born. He was so small. I held him as he took his first breath. I didn't want to scare him, so I stopped crying. The house was cold and dark. I wrapped him in the towel."

Edward said, "That was a smart thing to do."

I held out my hands and cupped them. "He fit in my palm. He was tiny – only about ten inches." I raised one finger. "My fingertips were larger than his feet."

Edward nodded at me, tears running down his face and said, "He'd weigh about ten ounces at that stage. God, Bella, I had no idea. That must have been terrifying."

In my mind, I was back there in that house. "I couldn't see much in the dark . . . He didn't cry." I wagged my fingers. "I counted his fingers and his toes. His skin was so soft."

I took in a ragged breath.

"I loved him so much. I was in awe."

I had to stop for a moment. It hurt to much to talk. I could feel the flood of tears running down my chin.

"I held him against me and tried to keep him warm. I could feel him breathing. I rubbed his back and sang to him. He barely moved. Then," I swallowed and choked back a sob, "he stopped breathing."

It hurt so much to think of it. I shook my head and held out a hand. "I can't do this. . ."

I sat there and cried. He held me and rocked me as I let out my grief.

Edward's hands were shaking as he stroked my back, put his forehead against mine, and gently kissed my forehead. Our tears mingled.

"He was so small, I didn't know how to do CPR. I couldn't bring him back. I tried, Edward. I'm sorry. He just stopped breathing and then . . . he was gone. I begged God to bring him back. When he died, I wanted to die too." I couldn't talk any more I shook so hard with sobs.

He tightened his arms around me and put my head against his chest as he covered us with a blanket. I could hear his heart. Edward's voice shook as he explained, "The world is a more special place with you in it. Bella, please don't apologize. You couldn't save our boy."

We lay quietly together while tears rolled down our faces. After a while, he gulped, and asked "How long were you alone?"

"Hours. I passed out after . . .after he was gone." Another sob broke out of my chest. "Heidi found me the next morning and ran for help. Mrs. Bishop called the ambulance."

His hand rubbing slow circles on my back brought me out of my reverie.

"Christ, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't kill him when I had the chance. He will _never_ hurt you again."

I didn't think he could promise me that, but I held my tongue.

He wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "How did Emmett know?"

"He treated me when I came to the ER. I told him I fell down the stairs."

Edward's voice shook when he said, "I can't emphasize this enough. Losing the baby was not your fault. You are blameless. You did nothing wrong."

He held me and rubbed my back. I'd dreamed of what being in his arms would feel like. Since I was five, Edward had been the person I had always run to when upset. But now being in his arms didn't bring the comfort that I had imagined. I still felt guilty. I couldn't believe he was being so understanding. I didn't deserve his consideration. If I had not been lazy that night and had turned on the alarm, my baby would be alive.

I couldn't tell him what was really on my mind, so instead, I wiped my eyes with my fist and offered, "I should have fought harder."

"Bella, that man is huge. You're barely five foot four. You can't win with a weight and height difference like that. I am so sorry I was not there. If I hadn't left you, our baby would be alive."

I didn't answer him. I couldn't.

He continued, "I didn't get your calls because we were in an area that had almost no coverage. We weren't able to use our phones until we got home on the twenty-seventh. I went by the hospital, but you had already checked out. They wouldn't let me see your records, so I didn't know about your other injuries. I went by the house, but you weren't there."

I felt numb hearing his claims. He couldn't have tried that hard to find me, and he never called. I didn't understand what he hoped to accomplish with this. He couldn't undo the pain he'd already caused.

"Mrs. Bishop came and got me. I lived with her for a month."

"I owe that crazy woman much more than flowers." He took an unsteady breath.

I had hit my limit. I could not stop shaking no matter what pretty words he said and at that point just tuned him out. I cried myself to sleep in his arms while he held me and rubbed my back. Between the pain killers and the sedatives I was out in no time at all. I never wanted to wake up.

No such luck. When I woke up, I found him sitting up on the bed beside me, reading. He handed me some tablets and water. I swallowed them without complaint. My face hurt.

He asked, "What are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

Why did he care? Edward had issues. Serious issues. I wanted to say, "Find more obnoxious thugs and smack them with desks in the spirit of the season. You?" But that was a little much even in my drugged state. Instead, I answered, "Nothing."

"I'd like you to join me."

"Where?" I stared around the room. He meant now? Join him now?

"With the family." The penny dropped. I felt like I'd been kicked in the throat.

I rolled away from him. "What game are you playing now, Edward?" I rubbed at my throat. It started to burn. And jeez, my head hurt. My side too.

I waited for the pain killer to kick in.

"I'm sorry. We need to talk."

_Oh God, here we go again._ I stiffened as if waiting for the blow and stood up. The room swam for a moment before I found my bearings.

I said, "Nothing good ever came from those words." That was how he had begun the discussion when he had informed me that he was divorcing me. Unsteadily, I backed away from him.

He held out a palm as if pleading. "Bella, I owe you many apologies and an explanation. Will you please hear me out?"

"Whatever." I sank back down to the bed. It wasn't like he could leave me again. Or break my heart. As soon as he was done babbling, I'd call a cab and go stay with Mrs. Bishop.

He sat down beside me.

"I was approached by a group of businessmen that I trusted who wanted to start a company. They claimed to make drugs for the Third World. At first everything seemed above board. I hadn't agreed to anything."

I just stared at him.

His eyes seemed to plead with me.

"The money they looked at making . . . Bella, it was insane. Turns out it was too good to be true. They told me that they were dealing in black market pain killers. I refused to do it."

"I can't see you doing anything illegal."

"That's when our life went to hell."

"What happened?"

"I met with the other parties and they wanted me to use my knowledge to staff a lab. I told them that I did not want to be a part of this. The leader snapped his fingers. That man that attacked you, he worked for them. He brought in a DVD and put it in the player. They told Dad and me that they had a presentation to give us that would change our minds."

"Dad was there?"

Edward's shoulders sagged. "He was also approached about putting up money for the company."

"What did they say in this presentation?"

Edward took a deep breath.

"It wasn't what they said. It was what they did. They . . . murdered . . . Aro and Cicy and filmed it."

**Thoughts? Please review. **

**EPOV coming up soon. See you next week.**

* * *

><p>References:<p>

For a list of support groups for anyone who has lost a child through miscarriage or stillbirth:

http:/www (dot) kumc (dot) edu/gec/support/miscarri (dot) html

For more on Carthage:

http:/www (dot) roman-empire (dot) net/republic/carthage (dot) html

For more on fetal development at 20 weeks:

http:/www (dot) babycenter (dot) com/fetal-development-images-20-weeks

or this story of a baby who survived at 22 weeks:

http:/abcnews (dot) go (dot) com/GMA/Health/story?id=2888874&page=1# (dot) T0hBdocS01I

Getting a busy signal when dialing 911 sadly isn't fiction:

http:/www (dot) newschannel9 (dot) com/articles/signal-992132-victim-bus (dot) html


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: If Wishes Were Horses**

**AN: ***There is a scene in this chapter with a secondary character recounting a violent incident which may be a trigger for some.*****

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, detochkina and jmolly for the beta work.**  
><strong>Thanks as well to TwilightMomofTwo, EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.<strong>

**Thanks as well to everyone for the reviews, rec's, tweets, posts on FaceBook, and general hilarity.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>"Hell is full of good intentions or desires." - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux<strong>_

**EPOV**

A purple bruise blossomed on Bella's temple and cheek as time passed. After she had stopped crying, she pushed me away. I stared at the love of my life as she at last sank into a drug-induced sleep.

If I took all of the bad moments in my life and added them up, the aggregated devastation I felt couldn't come close to what I experienced at this point. I writhed in useless remorse like a worm in ashes and contemplated my numerous sins. All my work to protect her, to keep her safe, had been for naught. I'd been away from her when she needed me the most, and I would never forgive myself for that. A lyric from a song I'd heard as a child came to mind, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I vowed then and there that I would do everything I could to try to repair the damage that I'd wrought with the best laid plans.

The book I had been perusing for months fell open to a favorite page. It was Sun Tzu's _The Art of War:_"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him." Sun Tzu had a point. I planned on following his advice to the letter.

The local police were firmly in the enemy camp. That was why I had chosen to wound Bella's attacker instead of killing him outright. They also made Barney Fife look like Einstein, and would never see this move coming.

I weighed the merits of what I was about to do. Bella would detest the attention, but it would keep her safe, and force the police to behave. I had observed that she didn't read the newspapers or watch the television so hoped she wouldn't notice. I took the film clip I'd obtained from security and emailed it to a contact at the local news station who owed me several favors.

"Holy shit! Is this for real?" came the response.

"Yes. Use it with my blessing. Please ensure the statement makes the broadcast."

"Can you two do an interview?"

"Not at this moment. She sustained injuries today in the attack. I can't leave her."

He didn't bother to hide his disappointment. "Got it. Rain check?"

"Maybe. Go with what you have."

"Will do. Thanks."

There comes a time when every man has to make a stand. Everything had gone so horribly wrong, and part of me was afraid to risk it again. Yet, upon contemplation, I realized I had no choice. Bella could not live under the conditions that the rest of us endured. She was too fragile and needed too much help.

I texted a prearranged signal, "_Pax tecum_" to a familiar number.

The response came quickly, "_Necnon vobis_."

I heard the news broadcast. "A St. Mary's Hospital spokesman said that today this man, Paul Vrabek, who is an employee of Eleazar Rodriguez," they showed a mug shot of that animal, "attacked Isabella Swan. Our local heroine managed to get him on the ground in record time and her ex-husband, Edward Cullen, in an exclusive statement released to our network, Mr. Cullen claims he shot Vrabek twice in her defense. The hospital released this tape that clearly shows Vrabek threatening her."

I'd never been so happy we'd upgraded the hospital surveillance equipment in my life. An image came on screen that clearly showed that beast looming over Bella with a snarl. No matter how many times I studied the clip, seeing the look of pure rage on her face when she tossed the coffee in his face never ceased to shock me. From the reports I'd heard, the burns on his face and eyes were severe. They were talking skin grafts. I tuned out the rest of the news report.

My fingers flew as I typed. I'd planned this for months. With a few keystrokes, I cast the dice and crossed the Rubicon. There really was no turning back now. I stared in satisfaction at the computer screen as I watched my plan unfold.

Next, I dialed a number of a person I loathed.

"Yes?"

"You broke our deal," I said.

"What are you talking about? And watch your tone."

"You heard me, you _broke_our deal. Your man confessed it today."

"What man?"

"That nutcase Vrabek you keep as a guard dog. He attacked Bella at the hospital today. I shot him."

"He _what_?" The voice on the other end rose in anger.

Like I was going to buy _that_load of bullshit.

"Don't play the fool, it doesn't suit you. He confessed to attacking her last Christmas Eve. He purposely beat her until she lost the baby. I heard him admit it."

"I _never_ordered that." The voice sounded shaken. Like he was telling the truth. If so, I was going to press my advantage because I was out for blood.

"Doesn't matter. It happened on your watch, and your man did it. Our deal is off. You and yours murdered my aunt and uncle, my son, and nearly killed Bella."

The man on the other end said, "I will take care of Vrabek, and you have my sincere apologies for his action. I _never_ordered it."

I all but sang, "Oh . . . you might want to turn on the television."

"Why?"

"Your boy is all over the news."

"What?" He paused for a moment and then chided, "Edward, you are forgetting your place and the danger you are in."

"Buddy, the hell with you and your threats. I'm taking my family back, and avenging Bella and my son. Consider yourself warned."

"I own this town." He scoffed. "What do you think you can do to me?"

"Watch and learn, grasshopper."

Then, for the first time ever, I hung up the phone on him.

Bella curled into a ball and muttered, "Kiss." She crinkled her nose as if she smelled something peculiar. My mind took me back in time.

_We were at Emma Mallory's wedding. The ceremony had just ended, and the bride's family had set up a dance floor, tent, and tables groaning under the weight of refreshments to keep the guests occupied until the Country Club opened its doors. _

_I passed the ice chests filled with sodas and beer and the table covered with sweating glass pitchers of sweet tea. Bella's long hair was nowhere to be seen in the crowd. I glanced at the time. She got nervous around crowds. Where could she be? _

_"There you are." A tall woman with a lovely face and a plunging neckline stood in my way. She pointed an index finger at my chest. She appeared to be my age, had scary long red fingernails, improbably large breasts, and wore a smile that reminded me of an alligator surveying her lunch. _

_"I beg your pardon, ma'am?"_

_Her accent made it difficult to understand her. She had what mother would call bedroom eyes. "Ah've been a'waitin' for yew ta show up. Yew owe me a dance, handsome." Then, she pounced. _

_Mother and Father had raised me to be a gentleman, which meant no striking women for any reason –unfortunately, in this case. The madwoman launched herself at me, climbed me like a tree, planted her wet lips on my cheek, and slid them like a slug over to my lips. _

_I managed to pull away. _

_"What are you doing?" I spluttered. "I don't even know you."_

_"Darlin' don't be like that. We had a great time last night, didn't we sugar?" _

_"You must have mistaken me for someone else. Last night I wasn't even in town."_

_"Neither was I, big guy." She leered at my crotch. _

_From the variety of exclamations I heard from around me, I was already in trouble. I couldn't let Bella find me like this. It would hurt her. _

_Before I could say anything, Eleazar's voice rang out. "Edward, there you are." _

_The woman attempted to move my hand to her breast. I pulled my fingers from her before they could make contact with her cleavage and most likely shrivel up and fall off._

_"He just asked to marry me. I said yes," she lied through her teeth again as I gawped at her. I waited for lightning to burst from the heavens and incinerate her. She just prevaricated on holy ground. More than once. _

_I heard a woman nearby mutter, "Mmph. What trash. She picked the wrong Cullen to try and trap. Everyone knows he's courting that Bella." _

_A pig-tailed girl standing next to her said loudly to Uncle Eleazar, "Don't you pay her no mind. He never proposed nothing."_

_"Shut up, Becky Jo! Yer just jealous he asked me, not yew."_

_Eleazar asked the girl, "You know this person?"_

_Pigtails said, "She's my cousin, Chastity. She's visiting from out of town. Pay her no mind. She's country."_

_Eleazar turned to Miss Ironically Named and sniffed at her; he was a far braver man than I. She smelled awful: a ghastly combination of cloying perfume, cheap liquor, and sweat. _

_My savior said, "Chastity, by the smell of you, I think you've had too much to drink. Carmen, take her to her mama." _

_Aunt Carmen reached into her purse and handed me something. She took the woman in a firm grasp and led the yowling banshee away, followed by the smirking girl that had helped us. I rubbed at my cheek to get the saliva off of it once the femme fatale was out of sight, and then realized Aunt Carmen had given me a Wet One to clean the spittle off my cheek. Thank the Lord. _

_The people around us went back to their conversations. _  
><em>Uncle Eleazar started laughing as he watched me scrub my face. For such a big guy, he had a high-pitched giggle. I felt like I needed rubbing alcohol to get clean. Scratch that. Maybe Betadine.<em>

_I could feel my cheeks turning red. "Fine, go ahead. Laugh at my expense." I kept scanning the crowd around me looking for Bella. Thank God she hadn't been present for that awkward scene. _

_Eleazar chortled, "I'm sorry, but the look on your face was priceless."_

_"Thanks for rescuing me." I must have still been in shock. I blurted to him, "I can't believe that was my first kiss." I managed to sound as revolted as I felt. _

_Uncle Eleazar clapped me on the shoulder. "You didn't participate in it willingly, so I say it didn't count and never happened."_

_"Thanks for making me feel better. I like the way you think."_

_"Anything for my favorite nephew." He pulled me into a one-armed hug, and pounded my back hard enough to break ribs in a manly show of affection. "I'll always be in your corner, Edward."_

_I caught a glimpse on the edge of the crowd of the blue dress that Bella wore. _

_"There you are!" I approached her and kissed her on the cheek. _

_I could see her trembling as she surveyed the people around us. She gave me a half-smile and seemed relieved. "I was looking for you. Thanks for finding me." Bella was back at my side, and my day was complete. _

_I held out my arm to her and said, "The reception starts in thirty minutes. We'd best be on our way."_

_She scrunched her nose and sniffed at my shirt discreetly. "We need to stop by the house."_

_"Why?"_

_"You need to change."_

_Almost an hour later, I counted the moments until Bella and I could leave. We sat at a table with mother, father, Jasper, Aunt Cicy, Uncle Aro, Aunt Carmen, and Uncle Eleazar. Jasper and Eleazar traded ribald jokes in whispered undertones, while Bella blushed because she'd never mastered the art of the blank expression. I tried to distract her by holding her hand. _

_The groom, Randall, walked up to the microphone to give his speech. His bride stood nearby among the wedding party, beaming at him. _

_"Ladies and gentlemen, I have a surprise planned for Emma because she deserves the best I have to offer."_

_The bridesmaids sighed in tandem. _

_Fred, the best man stage whispered, "Suck up!"_

_I could hear the women in the crowd cooing and I barely avoided rolling my eyes. _

_Mother said, "By the turnout, this wedding will be talked about as the wedding of the year. Everyone who mattered has come. The Mallorys must be so proud." _

_Aunt Carmen whispered, "Especially since that Lauren embarrassed them all by running away with her boyfriend without getting married." She sniffed. "No one has heard from her since."_

_Eleazar said to Carmen through a plastered on smile, "Hush," and took a drink from his sweet tea. _

_Randall flushed and held up his glass. "I'd like you all to reach under your chairs and take out the manila envelopes that you'll find there." People started following his directions. _

_"What could this be?" Mother wondered as she held her sealed envelope. We all had them in our hands and waited for his directions._

_The groom said, "I want this wedding to be remembered for all time. So I've included a token of my esteem. Go ahead, y'all, and open the envelopes." _

_"What are you doing?" The best man asked._

_Randall answered absentmindedly, "Making some memories."_

_I knew it was trouble when people started gasping. Mother dropped hers to the floor and turned beet red. Somehow, I don't think he included gift certificates to the local liquor store in those envelopes._

_"Oh my stars!" mother fanned herself. _

_Bella squeaked, acted like her hand had caught fire, and stuffed whatever it was back in the envelope. She covered her cheeks with both hands._

_Wondering what the big deal was, I opened mine to find pictures of a very naked and flexible-beyond-belief Emma Mallory having sexual relations with that . . . groomsman Fred– who also happened to be the groom's best friend. __I wondered for a fleeting moment, what it would be like to try that with Bella and –got distracted from my prurient thoughts by caterwauling._

_Randall said, "There's more on our wedding memories page online." He took a sip from his champagne and silently toasted his bride. Then he winked at her. _

_"The bride's mother wailed, "Emma Jean Mallory, young lady, how could you do this to us?"_

_Everyone knew the purpose of your middle name was to know how much trouble you were in when your parents bellowed it at you._

_Emma babbled, "Momma, I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"Here, darling." The groom helpfully handed her an envelope - and a stack to the rest of the wedding party._

_Emma ripped hers open and shrieked. She picked up her skirts and ran wailing from the room. _

_The best man had the grace to appear ashamed. "Sorry, man –" _

_The groom punched Fred so hard we could all hear his nose break. _

_"Save it. We're done." Rubbing his fist, Randall walked out of the Country Club without another word._

_"Now that is revenge Southern Style," Carmen said with relish. "What an exit!"_

_"What do you mean?" Carlisle asked._

_"He's ruined her reputation and that of his best man. She won't be able to date anyone from a good family in this town. Even if she marries that guy, she'll still be talked about wherever she goes." _

_She had a point. _

_Mother agreed, "Southerners never forget a juicy scandal. No one from a good family will let the best man date their daughter, either."_

_Bella seemed upset. _

_"What's going on in that mind of yours?" I asked her._

_Bella whispered, "I feel bad for him."_

_"Everyone does. Being deceived by your fiancée and best friend. I can't even imagine that kind of pain."_

_She kept looking at the door that Randall passed through. "His parents didn't follow him. His entire family stayed in the room. He left alone. That's sad. Can you get me out of here?"_  
><em>I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't be able to hide her distress. So I waved at our family, took her by the arm, and walked out into the sunset. We passed the "Just Married," sign on the limo as we walked to the car. <em>

"Go fish," Bella mumbled in her sleep, garnering my attention back to the present from days gone by. She shivered as if cold, so I covered her up with another blanket. I returned to watching her, hoping that I could ascertain what was going on in her mind by the random words that fell like breadcrumbs to a beggar from her lips.

I used to think I knew her so well, but now it was as if she was a virtual stranger in some regards. Before the divorce, she had been a pack rat and never threw anything away. I'd moved into that house because we ran out of storage space in our old one. Yet, she only had one suitcase and now claimed to have no other possessions. She'd never had a temper before. I was so proud of her for standing up to that Vrabek. But had anyone asked me a year ago if I'd ever see Bella in a physical fight, I would have bet my annual salary that would never occur. I had tried to teach her some self-defense moves after she failed the class at school because she never could shout, "No!" I couldn't believe how much both our lives had changed since the day we met.

The first time I laid eyes on Bella, I was almost twelve to her five years. She was such a tiny little thing - solemn brown eyes, clutching a bedraggled teddy bear. A beam of sunlight shone down on her and made her hair kindle with gold. I knew deep down in my bones, with the certainty that I knew my name, that she was the love of my life. My entire world shifted. I had a picture in my head of her as an adult in a wedding gown holding my hand. I remember telling my bemused parents that I couldn't treat Bella like a sister because I intended to marry her. Mother recognized that I meant what I said, so she told everyone that Bella was their ward.

Bella was one of the few people who unconditionally accepted me. She did not treat me like a freak of nature because I was a nerd. When she looked at me, I felt loved. I only wanted to make her smile. The age difference between us never seemed to matter. Bella understood that when I worked sometimes reality vanished. She never held it against me on the rare occasion that I missed dinner or forgot an important date. Bella was one of the best listeners I had ever met. I loved conversing with her. She didn't talk much, but what she did say mattered. I liked the way she viewed the world. She had more hope than I did in the good nature of people. I worried about her, though. She was so shy. Sometimes, she would shake if she went into rooms with crowds and she loathed being the center of attention.

My detractors rightfully accused me of being self-absorbed. For Bella's sake, I put aside that quality to ensure her happiness and welfare. Nothing else mattered. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, and the last image on my mind, when I finally went to sleep. Little did I know what loving her would force me to do to keep her safe.

My mind jumped ahead in time. I remember when I sat in the courtroom, next to my lawyers, and did my best to keep my eyes off my disconsolate wife. She looked like she'd lost twenty pounds off her dainty frame. She'd startled me when her attorney had called weeks beforehand to say they would cooperate with the divorce, and that they wanted to speed the process up. My plan to drag the divorce out until I could procure evidence against Eleazar and then cancel it went up in dust. If she wanted to be free of me, then I'd do what I could to let her go. After everything I'd put her thorough it was the least I could do. With a heavy heart I signed the divorce papers.

I never thought she'd give up on us, but I hadn't left her much choice. So I had absolutely no right to feel hurt. Yet hurt I _did_. It felt like some Mayan priest had ripped my heart out and held it up to the overcast sky.

When Bella insisted that her last name be changed to Swan, it surprised and angered me so much I snapped my pencil in half and bit my tongue to keep from shouting. My rage was directed inward, not at her. She wasn't supposed to hate her own family. What had we done?

Never before had I felt more of an imbecile. School had been simple. I'd never faced a problem that I couldn't think my way out of, until someone I trusted decided to ruin my life. Circumstances forced me to hurt the woman I loved most in the world in order to ensure her survival. Knowing that she would live didn't make the pill any less bitter to swallow. I was under no illusion that Bella would be better off without me and the rest of her family in her life. I thought back to that awful day when my life began to spiral out of control.

_As I made my way to a meeting, the rain pounded the ground so hard it looked like the raindrops bounced. Carmen had called to tell me that they had a business proposition for me. Truth be told, I didn't much like her. She seemed to be a little too sugary - something about her screamed that she didn't mean a word that came out of her mouth. We put up with her for Eleazar's sake because we all loved him. It was a good thing she and Eleazar never had children, because like an animal in the wild, I had no doubt that Carmen would eat her young._

_Eleazar and Dad had been best friends since childhood: virtually inseparable. Everyone thought of them as the odd couple because their personalities were so different. I understood what Dad appreciated about him. He cared about his family and friends, and was generous with his time. _

_When life became confusing, I usually ran to Eleazar. He had a good head on his shoulders, and his business acumen showed. Eleazar ran a successful accounting firm and constantly traveled, so I'd seen less of him that I would have liked over the past seven years. _

_I came into the room and found Dad sitting there staring at the table, looking green. He had to be coming down with the flu that was going around. _

_"Hey, Dad, you okay?"_

_He shook his head, mashed his lips together, and wiped away a tear. He shook his head "no." I'd never seen my father cry. Not once. Everyone in the room ignored us. _

_Alarmed, I looked to Uncle Eleazar to explain what was going on. He had lost weight since the last time we spent time together, and he had this fire in his eyes I'd never seen before. When he said nothing, I turned back to my father. _

_"Dad, can you tell me what's–"_

_"So glad you could join us, Edward," Eleazar interrupted us. "Have a seat. We have much to discuss."_

_"Mind if I get Dad a soda? He looks like he could use one."_

_"Not at all. Carmen?" _

_Eleazar and Carmen had divorced six years back. It had to be the world's friendliest split because they still worked together every day at their accounting firm. They lived across from each other in a duplex, and still took vacations together. We did not understand it at all. _

_Carmen had an incongruous expression on her face as she put a can of soda and a glass with ice in it on the table in front of Dad. _

_"Why don't you start catching Edward up to speed, Carlisle?" Eleazar sounded friendly as usual._

_Reluctantly, Dad began, "We were approached by an international consortium to help bankroll a new company that would sell drugs to third world countries."_

_I sat down slowly. "Okay."_

_Dad stared at me apologetically. "After doing some research into the matter, on behalf of our family, I declined the . . . generous offer."_

_Eleazar said, "I have a presentation that I set up to change your mind. I worked hard on it. Carlisle's already seen it, but you should also get your chance."_

_A tall broad-shouldered man hit the play button on a DVD machine. I heard what sounded like screaming. For a second, I wondered if they'd put in the wrong DVD and I was hearing a horror movie._

_"No, please," Dad entreated. "Edward shouldn't –"_

_Eleazar barked, "He needs to see, Carlisle." I stared wide-eyed. I'd never seen either one raise a voice to the other. _

_"Watch the screen, Edward," Eleazar ordered. Something in his voice alarmed me._

_Uncle Aro and Aunt Cicy were due to arrive tonight. I blinked in confusion when I saw them on the screen. _

_"They're dead," Dad muttered. "In that. He had them murdered." He inclined his head toward the screen. The short hairs on the back of my neck stood up. _

_Eleazar nodded his head and smiled like a carpetbagger when I looked at him in disbelief. I felt like my heart froze and cracked open in my chest. _

_"Don't look away. Watch it, Edward," Eleazar said. _

_Dad stared at his shaking hands, but I watched every frame. My aunt and uncle died painful deaths - senseless ones. I'd never seen that much blood, even in the ER. _

_The man who killed them stood in the room behind Uncle Eleazar, like some kind of bodyguard. He maintained a blank face as Dad cried at the loss of his friend and younger sister. I didn't know how I kept my composure, but I did. I couldn't believe that someone so close to us had orchestrated something so brutal. Our families had taken vacations together for years. Last month, they'd all played horseshoes at a party at our house. Eleazar had even gallantly teamed up with Cicy when she was losing to give her a chance to beat Dad. _

_Carmen simpered. "Aro and Cicy both refused to join us. Now you see what happens to those who don't cooperate." Her eyes reminded me of a viper right before it strikes._

_There had to be a logical explanation for this. Eleazar had to have had some kind of psychotic break. He sounded as chipper as if he discussed last night's football game, and wore the same charming smile. I had no explanation for Carmen beyond her being a ruthless bitch._

_"I've added in a further inducement." He tossed some files at us. I noticed he wobbled a bit as he walked. Was he intoxicated?_

_I read them quickly, with rising blood pressure, as I appreciated my predicament. This was bad. This was very bad. _

_Eleazar said, "I've arranged the accounts and their ownership in such a way that both you and Bella will go down for this if I turn you in." _

_An ordinary person would spit in his face and say, "See you in court." I didn't have that luxury. He had killed my aunt and uncle in cold blood. _

_He now had me by the balls and, by the sneer on his face, relished his position._

_I thought back on how the trap was set. _

_Seven years ago, Eleazar had called me and said, "I've found a deal on a mountain cabin."_

_"You know I hate the mountains. Why would I buy it?"_

_"You can sell it for a song. I have a golf buddy that wants it but can't come up with the money for a while."_

_"Fine. Do it." _

_Fifteen months later, I'd made a nice profit. Since I hated heights, I had let Uncle Eleazar and Aunt Carmen use the property during that time. I'd never set foot on it. _

_He set up a system of finding us deals that we always took. The transactions typically involved less that $10,000 so the government wouldn't pay attention. I wasn't an expert on money laundering, but I was going to have to become one fast if I was going to clear my name._

_Eleazar smirked almost as if he had read my mind. "I own the police, and the DA is running for office thanks to my generous campaign donation. I'll turn this over to them. You'll do hard time for it, too. So will Bella." _

_I could not believe that someone that we all loved could betray us like this. I should never have let Eleazar handle our money. I had walked right into his trap. I was going to have to run this by a lawyer. I had to protect Bella at all costs. Every time I thought of her, images of how Cicy had died flooded my mind._

_I ran my fingers through my hair. "What do you want?"_

_"I want you to use your expertise to help us with the company."_

_Dad said, "They're dealing in black market drugs, Edward."_

_I felt even more confused. I said, "I'm not a chemist. Why do you need us?"_

_"I want more investors. As much as it pains me to say, I need you to help smooth things over with obtaining new clients. People in town listen when your family talks." Now that, unfortunately, was completely true. "I'm going to be holding some gatherings and inviting potential investors to attend. I expect you all to be there and show support."_

_Eleazar waved a hand towards the exit and said, "I'll leave you all to think on what I said. Let's meet again tomorrow at the same time."_

_Dad and I walked to our cars. We waited until the others were out of hearing range._

_I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "What the hell?" I said to my father._

_He shook his head. "It's as much a mystery to me as it is to you."_

_"I can't have Bella implicated in this. She couldn't handle the stress in her condition. I can't take her to a gathering with Eleazar. She'll fall apart. If I leave her at home, that will raise eyebrows."_

_"I know." Dad looked ten years older. "I don't think I can keep it from Esme. She handles the money for the family."_

_"When do we have the funeral for Aro and Cicy?"_

_"We don't." Dad answered in a clipped voice. "He's holding their bodies hostage for good behavior on our part. My baby sister –" He wiped at his face. "She didn't deserve any of this."_

_We weren't a touchy family, but I broke that norm and hugged Dad. "I will find us a way out of this mess. I promise you. Go back to work."_

_I left my father with thoughts spinning around in my mind like enraged bees swarming a hive. I'd never failed at a single goal in my life. I had a wife and baby on the way. My father seemed shattered and incapable of acting. So I had to lead the family. There had to be a way to save us. I needed to do some research and out-think the other side. How hard could that be?_

_I stopped by Alistair O'Bryan's office. He had been a buddy of mine in college, one of the few that didn't treat me like a freak. _

_"I need a favor."_

_"Sure. What's up?"_

_I told him my story. When I was done he said, "You're right about the police. Eleazar is related to half the force. He also donates generously to their charities. We'll have to go higher up. Let me call a friend of mine who works with the FBI."_

_When Alistair got off the phone he said, "There's nothing more you can do today. Go home. Tell no one. We've got a meeting at seven o'clock in the morning here at my office."_

_I called my insurance agent. "Bobby, I need to change my coverage. I've got a baby on the way." I took out the most expensive policy on me that I could find and made sure it offered double indemnity. In the event I died a violent death, the policy would pay double. I already had a will in place that gave everything to Bella._

_I went home._  
><em>Bella sat in the living room drawing. I knelt before her, kissed her lips, and kissed her abdomen. "Hello, beloved wife! Hello, precious baby!"<em>

_"You look tired." She stroked my cheek. _

_"Guess that means you'll have to join me in bed." I picked her up and carried my laughing bride to the bedroom. I tried to show her in every way I could how much I loved her. _

_That night, I held Bella close to me, trying to figure out how to protect her and my family. I never knew I could act that well. Somehow, I successfully hid my anguish, but I couldn't sleep. Instead, I watched my wife and whispered to the baby how much I loved him. I asked him to watch over his mother. _

_Alistair's friend at the FBI, Marcus, sent Ben Cheney, some golden child whom the agency adored, to meet us early the next morning. He was already at the office when I arrived. _

_"Hi," he shook hands with Alistair, "I'm your new paralegal. I've already had this place swept for bugs. We're clean."_

_"Okay." Alistair blinked._

_"You hired me in a Skype interview last week."_

_"I'm sure you were marvelous," Alistair smoothly returned._

_Ben said to me, "We've worked out a deal with your attorney. In exchange for your cooperation, and your testimony, you'll be given immunity. What we need is good proof of what he's done that will stand up in court." _

_"Understood." I gulped. "My wife and family need to be included in this."_

_"I can include your wife. Your father and mother and brother will have to cut their own deals."_

_"Fine." I sighed. _

_"We've had our eye on Eleazar Rodriguez for quite some time. We've never been able to find anything that stuck. We focused on him for another crime."_

_"What else did he do?"_

_"Do you know this woman?" _

_He placed a picture of a brunette on the table. She had a vacuous smile._

_"She sort of looks familiar." I squinted at the picture, trying to place the face._

_"Her name was Lauren Mallory."_

_"Was?" I recalled her name from the infamous wedding reception. She had run off with an older boyfriend. _

_"Was," Ben firmly answered. "She was strangled to death and shot in the abdomen. Her remains were found by a kudzu removal squad last year."_

_Alistair asked, "What does this have to do with Eleazar?"_

_"We think Eleazar killed her," Ben said._

_I blurted, "Why?"_

_"We got a tip that said he was seeing her on the side. She was a minor when they started dating."_

_I could barely believe my ears. "How do you know all this?"_

_"Lauren's parents gave us her journal."_

_"If she's dead why did this not make the news?"_

_"It did. She was a one day story in another state where her body was found. Her parents don't live here anymore. They buried her quietly." Even since that wedding, her family had refrained from socializing and communicating with just about everyone. It made sense I wouldn't have heard about it. I always had my nose in a medical journal. _

_"We've found two other murders that we suspect him for as well." Ben placed two pictures down beside Lauren's. All the women looked eerily similar. Like Aunt Carmen, they were brunettes with long hair. I guess he was trying to find a younger version of her. _

_Ben continued, "Best I can guess, he loves having what others can't have. That's why when he cheated on his wife, it was always with married women. To the best of our knowledge, aside from Lauren, he's never fooled around with anyone single."_

_My head spun. "I don't get it. Why Lauren? The other women appear older."_

_"Chase Mallory's firm clashed with him. Most likely, Eleazar seduced her to get revenge when Mallory lured away some of his best clients. Based on Lauren's journal, it didn't sound like he was serious about her."_

_"Then how did she end up dead?"_

_"That, we don't know. As for the married women preference, Eleazar seems to be the type that likes rubbing it in the face of the husbands that he's slept with their wives. The more possessive the husband, the more he wants the woman."_

_"He couldn't get away with that for long in this town. It's too small for one thing."_

_Ben said, "But he has. And you were close to him and never heard a word."_  
><em>My shoulders slumped. <em>  
><em>"Look," Ben continued, "I know you're worried about your family. It's unorthodox, and my boss would kill me if he knew I suggested it, but I have a plan." <em>

_I listened and believed every word that he said. My heart broke at what he asked me to do to keep my wife and unborn child safe. _

_"Can't I put her in some kind of protection program?"_

_"The last person we tried that with – he and his family were dead within six months. I can't guarantee your safety that way. Or hers. But if you want to take that risk, it's your choice. You both qualify for the program."_

_Bella would never agree to leave the rest of the family. My shoulders sagged. _

_My cell phone rang at the end of our discussion. I looked at the screen and gulped. _  
><em>I answered the call. "Yes?"<em>

_Eleazar growled, "You mind telling me what you're doing at an attorney's office?"_

_"He's a divorce attorney. What do you think I'm doing?" With those words, I sealed my fate._

_"You're leaving Bella?"_

_"I'm not discussing this with you."_

_"Just remember I have eyes on you all the time." He hung up the phone. I went to the bathroom to lose my lunch. I was going to have to break my wife's heart tonight. _

_When I got out, Alistair clapped a hand on my shoulder and said, "Plan on staying with me for the next few days. I've got an extra room at my place."_

_"I don't know how I'm going to do this. I love her so much. She's pregnant."_

_"He killed your aunt and uncle without a second thought. Go with what the psych profile Ben showed us suggests. When all this is over, you can grovel on your knees for her forgiveness. Everything I know about Bella says she has a soft heart. You have to wait for a time period before you can even file. Then we'll drag out the divorce so hopefully it won't have to happen before we get evidence on Eleazar. You're not alone in this, Edward."_

_But she would be. I would do everything I could to make sure our family helped her._  
><em>My wife had never held a grudge against anyone in her life. I was counting on that as I approached the house to break the news to her. <em>

_An hour later, I pulled over by the side of the road and cried at the memory of Bella's devastated reaction. I took off my wedding ring and clutched it in my fist. I wasn't worried about going to hell when I died. I already was in it. _

_Sharp knocks upon my window startled me. Wiping at my eyes with one hand, I lowered the window to find Sheriff Remus Rey grinning at me. I kept the wedding ring hidden in my fist. _

_"Nice night, ain't it? Say, you okay, son? You look a little green around the gills."_

_Something seemed off about his expression. Then I remembered he was second cousins with Eleazar._

_"I'm fine. Allergies are awful. Had to pull over to wipe my eyes," I lied._

_"That's a mighty shame. Those allergies can be killers, especially this time of year. Drive safe, Edward. The roads are slick tonight. We always have someone on the road if you need anything." _

_He hit the top of my car with his palm twice. I drove away into the dark, feeling his eyes on me the entire time. _

A car alarm going off in the distance caught my attention. I didn't want to think about what happened next after I left Bella.

Then came Christmas. What should have been a joyous holiday celebrated by my family instead proved to be a grueling affair. Eleazar had ordered us all to attend his celebration at a mountain retreat that he owned. He said he'd be entertaining new clients that he wanted us to charm. Something happened during that trip that changed the way I viewed our plight. Every time I wanted to throw my plan out the window and run home to Bella, I had only to hearken to the example of Angela Weber.

_Mother, father, Jasper and I were at Eleazar's mountain hideaway for Christmas trying to negotiate our way out of this mess. We were having cocktails alone with him and Carmen before dinner was served._

_Carmen stared at my bare left hand and asked, "Why is Isabella not with you?"_

_I took a sip of my wine and shrugged. "We separated." I acted like it didn't matter._

_"I'm glad you left her at home," Eleazar said. "She is so timid. See that you stay away from her. I can't have her knowing what you are involved in." I almost spit my drink out on the beige carpet. His request seemed odd. It's not like Bella was a big mouth running around and gossiping. _

_My father asked, "What are you asking him to do?"_

_"I want all of you to stay away from Isabella. Consider it a test of your loyalty."_

_Esme looked aghast. "Why would you ask us to do something like that? I love my daughter. She's pregnant with our grandchild."_

_"Because I can." His grin made me want to knock his teeth out. "I hold all the power here, and the sooner you recognize that, the easier your life will be. I am most insistent upon this. Cut her out of your life in every way. I have eyes everywhere and will ascertain your progress."_

_"What do we get if we comply?" Jasper seethed._

_"You get to keep your head on your shoulders, and Isabella and the child stay alive. It's simple, really." _

_I flexed my hands. I wanted to leap across the table and beat the life out of him._  
><em>"I've got a son on the way. What do you expect me to do when she gives birth?"<em>

_"Communicate through your attorneys like all civilized divorcees do."_

_We all stared at him gobsmacked. Esme pressed, "But–"_

_I saw a return of that wild look in Eleazar's eyes. Dad did too. _

_"We understand," I cut my mother off before she could vent. Father put his hand on hers to try in vain to calm her._

_"Such a shame she's pregnant," Eleazar fretted in a low voice. "I find women to be . . . repulsive when they get large." He shuddered in disgust. It took everything I had to hide my reaction. I'd never seen Eleazar react that way towards someone pregnant. He'd always been considerate regarding Bella and kind to her. It was like a different person inhabited his body. Letting her think I was willingly divorcing her was bad enough. Taking away the family's support was inhumane. _

_He rose to his feet. "Let's dine. The room is this way." He led us to a banquet hall that was filled with people from our town. He pointed for us to take a seat at the head table. _  
><em>He acted towards us like he always had. It took work to pretend to be happy. To act "normal."<em>

_An hour after the most miserable meal of my life, Eleazar went to a table on the other side of the room and started talking to Eric and Angela. _

_I thought I heard him say, "Eric, Angela, let's have a discussion in my office about your money's future with this company." He led them away. _

_Keeping composed features took most of my energy because I loathed Eleazar with a passion. I hoped Eric would tell him to go to hell and take his money elsewhere. Eric returned to the table. I didn't see Angela. My family and I retired for the night to the cabin Eleazar had given us._

_Five hours later, I heard a timid knock on the door. I opened it to find a weeping Angela on the other side. She was wearing a long coat and a scarf. It had to be twenty below zero outside._

_She stared at her feet. _

_"Angela? What's wrong?"_

_It struck me as peculiar that she kept her eyes on the ground. _

_She whispered, "Can I come in, please?" Her hoarse voice got my attention. Something was very wrong. _

_Mother came out of her bedroom and took one look at the poor woman and said, "Edward Anthony, where are your manners? It's freezing out there. Bring her inside and close the door before you let all the heat out."_

_With tears running down her face, Angela whispered, "I need help."_

_I said, "Of course. What is it?"_

_Her hands shook as she took off her coat and scarf and I did my best to keep a composed face. I'd seen all kinds of trauma in medical school, but when it's someone you know, it's hard not to let your feelings get involved. The first thing I noticed was the necklace of dark purple bruises she wore. _

_"Angela, can you look at me, please?"_

_Mother gasped. We both couldn't look away. _

_The poor woman's eyes – she had burst capillaries which had resulted in petechiae. _

_"Angela, I need to examine your eyes. Is that okay?"_

_"Yes," she whispered and winced. Despite the cold outside, Angela was wearing a man's black t-shirt and flannel sleep pants. _

_Carefully, I moved her hair out the way and lifted the fabric at the nape to look at her back. She had bruises in the shape of fists there. Dad came out of the bedroom at Mother's cry._

_"I didn't know where to go." Angela wiped at her nose and sobbed._

_"Who did this to you?" I asked, already guessing at the answer._

_"Eleazar did. Right after dinner."_

_"I'm so sorry, Angela. No one deserves to be treated like that," I said. _

_Father asked, "Do you want me to call the police?"_

_"No." She sniffed. "He didn't rape me. I agreed to have sex with him, but of course I didn't consent to be beaten like this. I don't want the police involved. I don't want it getting out what I . . . did."_

_"I'm confused," Father said. "Can you please tell me what happened?" _

_I envied that quality about him. He could project compassion, and it made people want to open up to him. I'd watched him all my life. _

_Angela didn't hide her anger. "Eric and I have been having problems for a while. Eleazar took us in his office and showed me a tape of Eric with another woman. I was so angry and hurt. It was dumb, but I just wanted to hurt him like I was hurting. I let Eleazar talk me into bed. I slept with him because I was trying to make Eric jealous. I can't believe I cheated on him. What was I thinking?_

_"It was awful. I thought Eleazar was going to kill me. He kept squeezing my throat until I passed out."_

_"Let's get you examined," Dad said._

_I envied how calm he could act in the face of this. Every time I looked at Angela's haunted eyes, I wanted to yell and throw things._

_Father took her into the bedroom with Mother and said to Angela, "My wife will hold your hand."_

_An hour later, Angela was in one of Mother's nightgowns and resting in my room. _

_Father looked weary._

_"How is she?"_

_"Multiple contusions. He wasn't gentle with her. See if you can get her to talk some more." _

_"Dad, has he done this before?"_

_"Not that I know of. I've never seen a mark on Carmen."_

_I brought Angela a glass of water and some pain killer and stood by her bed. Dad hovered in the doorway. _

_I asked, "Do you want me to call Eric?"_

_"No, I can't face him right now." Angela's tone was off. "Can I tell you something?"_

_"Yes."_

_"I'm going to leave Eric, because we have no future that I can see after tonight. I know he loves me, but I just don't respect him. I guess that makes me a horrible person after what I did tonight. I'm a hypocrite."_

_"No, I think it makes you human. Where are you going to go?"_

_"To my parents' house. They never liked Eric anyway."_

_"Do you need a ride?"_

_"If you could do that, it would be great. You want to know the worst part?"_

_As long as I live, I will never forget the shattered expression on her face. "When he came, Eleazar shouted someone else's name. He kept squeezing my throat and panting her name over and over again. I thought he was going to kill me."_

_"Whose name did he say?" I expected it to be Carmen's after what I'd seen of the women he'd allegedly killed._

_Angela gave me an apologetic glance. "Bella's."_

A blast of frigid air wafted across my face, dragging me out of the past back into the dark apartment. I stood up and shut a window I had cracked earlier to air out the place. I could hear a storm coming.

My laptop chimed. I checked it and found that another element of my plan had just come to fruition. I had an email that said, "Did what you asked. Later."

It didn't take long to hack into Carmen's cell phone. Her last message was the most gratifying. In the message, Eleazar bellowed, "What the fuck have you done with my money? It better all be back in the right accounts by tomorrow, Carmen, or I swear to God you're dead."

On Eleazar's phone, Carmen's vituperation at her ex made me smile. She left him a message: "Don't you dare threaten me, you asshole. You took my money, too. I want it back." I added those calls to the collection of evidence that I'd built over the past few months.

Sun-Tzu would approve of my sowing dissension through the ranks of the enemy. Neither Eleazar nor Carmen knew that within the past hour they had generously donated over forty million dollars to over two hundred charities. Ultimately, I wanted to see how much bite Eleazar had without a dime to his name. And I had only begun to make him suffer.

"Mmph," Bella said, and then she babbled some words in a language I did not recognize. I had no idea how I was going to earn back her trust and her forgiveness. I only knew I had to try, because she had my heart. I'd given it to her long ago.

**Please review. More EPOV coming up. **

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><p><strong>References:<strong>  
>Hot coffee really can do a lot of damage: http: www (dot) lectlaw (dot) com/files/cur78 (dot) htm

Sun Tzu is fun to read:http:/ www (dot) online-literature (dot) com/suntzu/

For more on the Witness Protection Program:  
>http: (dot) com/how40 (dot) html**  
><strong>  
>For more on crossing the Rubicon:<br>http:/ ancienthistory (dot) about (dot) com/b/2007/01/10/the-rubicon (dot) htm

Kudzu is a plant well known in the South:

http:/ www (dot) invasivespeciesinfo (dot) gov/plants/kudzu (dot) shtml  
><span>http:www (dot) maxshores (dot) com/kudzu


	10. Chapter 10

**Unbecoming Chapter Ten**

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. ExB AH

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, detochkina and jmolly for the beta work. They really went above and beyond the call of duty here to make this chapter better.**

**Thanks as well to TwilightMomofTwo, EternalSummer79, Kristin Hazzard, Twilover76, pomme_de_terre, Mutt N. Feathers, and perrymaxwell for the pre-reading.**

**Thanks to GinnyW_31 for the medical consulting.**

**AN: I feel the need to emphasize that Bella is not related to any of the Cullens by blood. You'll see why later. **

**Thanks as well to everyone for the reviews, rec's, tweets, posts on FaceBook, and general hilarity. Thanks to A Different Forest for the lively campfire and discussion. Thanks as well to the lovely ladies at The Lemonade Stand who have nominated this story for the fic of the month.**

**FF is not sending out alerts for updated stories. If you all could pass word around that I updated, I'd be much obliged. **

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

**Present time**

The mournful baying of the hound dog that lived next door startled me from sleep. His owners immediately hushed him, and it returned to quiet. I glanced at the green numbers on the cheap clock radio on the nightstand. I'd slept sitting up by Bella for half an hour.

"Bella." I carefully shook her good shoulder.

"Mmph," she slurred. She used to be a light sleeper. Her eyes stayed shut.

"Sunshine. Come on, you need to wake up."

She cracked one eye open and glared at me. "No."

"I really need you up for just a moment."

"Why would I want to do something that dumb?" she grumbled and pounded her pillow. "Sleeping. Go away." She made a shooing motion with her hand, and I could see that she had bruises on her arm.

"Because you hurt your head," I explained. "I have to wake you up every two to three hours for the first twelve hours if you do sleep."

She leaned up on one elbow and blew air at the lock of hair that fell into her face. "Says who?"

"Says the guy with the M.D."

"Hah! You're not a doctor, you just play one on TV."

I laughed. I loved this side of her. For a brief moment, her lips curved upward.

I checked her pupils as she blinked at me owlishly in the dim light cast by the bedside lamp, and my thoughts wandered to another time I had found her sleeping.

**Last Summer**

I had just returned from a medical conference and stood in my office, trying to make sense of the piles of reports around me. I couldn't wait to get home because three days without my wife was far too long. I noticed Bella's name on the caller id and immediately picked up the phone. She should be at work at this time of day.

"Bella?"

"I'm downstairs." I glanced at my watch. It was too early for us to do lunch. Her next words captured my undivided attention. "In the ER. I drove myself."

"Be right there." I slammed down the phone.

I didn't bother to wait for the elevator. I ran down the six flights. Bella rarely caught anything except for an occasional cold.

As I approached the ER, I heard a godawful racket. I found Bella sitting next to Jay Rogers, that football player that made Gomer Pyle look like Einstein–the imbecile that had hit her in the skull with a football all those years ago. He had his head in her lap and bawled like his entire family had just died in a barbecuing mishap. Bella awkwardly patted his head.

Emmett tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hey, what are you doing here?" Then he noticed Bella and Jay. "How bout I get dipstick over there so you can get your wife."

"Good call."

As we approached, Jay saw me, panicked, and started chanting, "I didn't mean to hurt her. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry."

Wondering what the heck he was babbling about, I glanced at my wife.

"Jay _accidentally_ hit me," she explained.

I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice, "With what this time?"

"Um. . .his car." Bella gave me a pleading look. "I'm fine."

Emmett put a big hand on the back of my neck to keep me from jumping on Jay and whispered in a Yoda voice, "Feel the force, young Jedi. Don't freak out in front of Bella."

Jay wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve and said, "I was coming back from my grandma's funeral, and I was crying so hard I didn't see the stop sign. I ran it and hit Bella. I'm sorry, Bella. I'll pay whatever damages you have. Thanks for driving me to the ER." He then proceeded to wipe his running nose with the same shirt sleeve.

Bella softly said, "No real harm was done, Jay."

"Hi, Jay, I'm Emmett. I'm real sorry to hear about your grandma. How about I have a look at you so you can get out of here?"

Jay sat up and accepted Emmett's outstretched hand. "Thanks, man. Hey, you play football?"

As he stood, Jay turned to Bella and said, "You know, for someone that never says a word, you sure know the right things to say. Thanks, Bella."

Emmett led him away, chattering about the NFL, before I could inflict bodily damage. Unfortunately. That man was the world's most earnest mental moron.

"Hi." Bella brought her hand to her throat and said, "I feel bad. My throat kind of hurts and I threw up earlier."

What's the use of owning a fifty percent share in a hospital if you don't exercise perks every now and then? I took Bella into an examining room and called Dad to come down and take a look at her.

I picked up the pen light and said, "Open, please." Her throat looked awful. I felt her forehead and could tell she was running a temperature. The thermometer agreed with me and gave a reading of 102.

I said, "We're going to do a throat culture."

"It doesn't hurt _that_ bad." She batted her brown eyes at me. "Can't we please just go home?"

If she had strep and it wasn't treated, she could die. So no, we would _not_ be following that game plan. My poor wife was delirious. I had to help her. "If you want to sleep, go ahead. You only need to wake up for a few seconds when we do the culture."

"Deal." She closed her eyes and was snoring in two minutes.

I should never have left town. Look what happened when I was away –she got into car accidents and became ill. I'd have Dad check her for mononucleosis, too; and anemia because she seemed paler than usual. We should run more tests to ensure that the car accident hadn't harmed her. I hated to see her suffering when I could do something to prevent it.

Ever since that whole stick-in-the-side incident, Dad and I had been vigilant on the rare occasions Bella had needed any kind of medical attention.

Dad came in and asked, "What's going on?"

"Fever of 102 and a sore throat. She also was in a car accident."

Dad gently shook her awake. "Bella, I just need to take a look at your throat." He went to take the culture and I managed to grab a receptacle in time to catch the vomit that ensued.

"How long have you been vomiting?" Dad asked.

"All week. I can't shake this flu that's going around school."

"Any dizziness?"

"Only when I move from sitting to standing. Not bad."

Dad said, "I'm going to take some blood and run a few tests."

"Knock yourself out."

Bella held out her arm. I took the blood sample. She rinsed out her mouth and laid back down on the examining table. She fell back asleep holding my hand against the side of her face.

Dad had to talk me out of running several other tests that I deemed necessary. Begrudgingly, I listened to him. The lab technician handed him Bella's test results and fled for his life from my glare.

"Wake her up," Dad said.

I protested, "She needs her rest."

"Edward, trust me. Wake her up."

Once Bella was sitting up, Dad turned to both of us and said, "Bella, you do have strep. But you are also pregnant. Congratulations!"

I felt like the world stopped turning. Bella put her hand over her heart and sat there, stunned, with a radiant smile on her face. She moved her hand to her abdomen.

"Oh, thank God."

I took her in my arms and spun her around. I wanted to shout for joy. We had been trying for two years to conceive. At long last, we were going to be parents. I could hardly wait to meet our child. We both wanted a houseful of children. Oh, wait. She needed a new car. A safer car. This required research. Lots of research. I had to be responsible. I was going to be a father. Bella and the baby needed me to keep them safe.

I kissed her on the lips. "You make me happy every day, Sunshine. But today, I'm walking on air. Thank you!"

"For what?"

"For being my wife. For being you. For bearing my children. For bringing joy to my every day."

She brushed her hand against my cheek. "You're my other half."

**Present**

I felt a small hand on my arm that startled me from my reverie.

"Where were you?" Bella asked.

I didn't want to hurt her, so I deflected. "Sorry. Just thinking. Are you hungry? You missed lunch."

"No. I'll eat later."

I stroked her cheek gently. "Go back to sleep."

She scrunched her features into a grimace and rubbed at her head.

"Are you in pain?"

"Yeah. He hit me pretty hard in the head, and my foot is throbbing. Too bad I didn't have a second cup of coffee."

Before I could ask how bad on a scale of one to ten with ten being the highest, she said, "Head is a six, and my foot is a four."

"I'm impressed with what you did with one cup and your poor foot." I stared at the cast we'd put on her earlier. "I can give you something for the pain."

"Fine. Drug pusher." She held out her hand. I reached for the bottle of pills and handed her two.

"They're kind of large, you should drink something." I put an arm under her shoulders to support her as she sat up. Bella reached for the glass of water on the nightstand.

She asked, "When did you start using Dixie cups?"

"It made sense at the time I bought them." I didn't have a better answer for her. I didn't want to tell her that I couldn't bring myself to buy plates or glasses that were permanent reminders that we weren't together. This was temporary– at least in my mind. So I ate off of paper plates with plastic cutlery and drank from paper cups. I owned one set of sheets, one blanket, two pillows, and four towels. I only had furniture because my mother had drawn the line at me sleeping on the floor and had gone out and bought me some for a birthday I had refused to celebrate. Without Bella, it really had been a meaningless day.

Bella turned on her side. The movement pulled her shirt, revealing a bruise on the side of her neck where that bastard must have hit her. For a moment, I regretted that I had left him alive.

I saw a tear run down her cheek. "Is the pain that bad?"

"I'm not crying over the pain."

"What has you so upset?"

Bella wiped at her eyes and sniffed. "I can't believe Uncle Aro and Aunt Cicy– they're gone."

"Me neither."

"I don't _ever_ want to see that film."

"You will never see it."

"Did they suffer?"

"Not long." She leaned against me and cried. I put an arm around her and rubbed her back, and made soothing noises. After a while, she calmed.

Bella shook her head. "Eleazar saying my name during sex. _Ew_. He's _never_ come onto me." She scrunched her face. "That's even worse than the time I walked in on Mom and Dad having sex."

"I don't know if there are words in the English language capable of expressing how revolted I was and worried on your behalf."

"How'd Angela get home if she didn't go with Eric?"

"She rode with us. When we were on our way out, Carmen handed us a bag with our cell phones. She removed the batteries. We didn't figure that out until we were in the car driving and none of us thought it was worth the hassle to turn around."

Bella nodded, "I'd have done the same thing."

"When we got into town, Mom and Dad took Angela to the hospital. Jasper and I were unloading the luggage when I finally got the battery I had bought to work in the cell phone."

I turned my mind back to that day and told her how it happened.

**Last Christmas**

I was worried sick. I left Bella devastated after I had spouted a brutal mouthful of lies. Coward it may make me, but I wasn't looking forward to hearing the messages I was sure she left me because I knew I'd want to cave in and go to her.

I thought listening to the first message would kill me, but they got worse as they continued. The pain in her voice - it brought the night that I broke up with her back in all its ugliness and shame. I hung my head as I listened and closed my eyes. I hated that she was hurting so much. I hated that I couldn't go to her. I hated feeling so powerless. It made me want to smash things. Starting with Eleazar's face.

Jasper said, "Edward, you've gone sheet-white. What is it?"

"Bella."

"What about her? Is she okay? Oh right, dumb question. You left her and we can't talk to her. Of course she's not okay," Jasper snarled.

I said, "You saw the bruises on Angela Weber's throat. Do you think Bella could survive an ordeal like that?"

By the time I heard the third message, my hands were shaking like a condemned man walking to the gallows. "Oh, god, no." I started crying. I had to find her. Eleazar could go to hell.

"Spill," Jasper urged. "What is it?"

"Bella lost the baby. I need to go to the hospital. Jasper, please."

Listening to the anguish in Bella's voice as the messages continued, I was sinking into misery deeper and deeper myself. In one message, she told me in a broken voice that she needed me. I wanted to be there for her, although Eleazar's threats kept ringing in my mind.

Jasper and I rushed to the ER. As he dropped me off at the entrance, my brother said, "I'll get Mom and Dad. You go find her."

I ran inside and only stopped when I reached the admissions counter. "My wife, she was brought in on Christmas Eve," I said to the first nurse I saw in the ER. Her name tag said Maggie.

Maggie started typing at her computer. Peering at the screen, she asked in a flat, impersonal tone, "What's her name?"

"Bella Cullen." I saw the nurse's expression grow frosty and her eyes hardened as she moved her eyes from the screen to me. The woman looked me over as if I had shit all over me and wanted to shake her hand.

She shook her head. "We don't have a record of a patient by that name being admitted. Excuse me." The nurse walked away.

Jasper found me standing there, bewildered.

"What room is she in?" he asked.

"They said she's not here. I don't understand. Surely they hospitalized her?"

Jasper put an arm around my shoulders. "We have to go to your house. She's probably there."

"How did Mom and Dad take the news?"

"Like you'd expect. Mom is crying and Dad is trying to calm her down and stay strong."

I was too distracted to say anything else, my thoughts focused solely on my wife.

When we got outside, I said, "Jasper, I'm afraid of what might happen if I go see her. Doing so doesn't send the message I don't want to be with her."

"If you really wanted to send an unequivocal message that you despise your wife," Jasper's caustic tone hurt, "then not seeing her or contacting her after she lost your child...? Yeah...I'd say that would do the trick."

I shouted, "You think this is easy?" I threw up my hands in frustration, and kicked at a trash can as we walked to the car.

"Lower your goddamn voice," Jasper hissed, looking around. "I think you had better be careful and find a way to get a message to her. Otherwise, Bella might surprise you."

"What do you mean?"

"She might actually believe you, Edward."

We got into the car;both of us simply sat there and quietly cried.

Finally, I made a decision. "We should go to my house."

Jasper turned the keys and started the engine. I barely paid attention to our surroundings as we made our way to the other side of town.

After having nervous thoughts jostling around in my mind like cats stuffed in a bag, I finally answered Jasper's concern, "I've loved Bella for most of her life. You can't tell me that in a few weeks all that could be undone."

Jasper's eyes were red from crying. He rubbed at them and stared at the road. "Do what you're going to do, Edward. It's just my opinion, for what it's worth."

We pulled up to the house; I ran up to the door and put my key in the lock. It didn't turn. I pounded on the door and rang the doorbell. No one answered.

**Present**

Bella explained, "I signed myself out of the hospital AMA."

"You what?" I might possibly have raised my voice.

She jutted her chin out. "I left."

"Against the doctors advice?"

"Yeah. They patched me up and I left. I didn't want to stay there." She opened her mouth as if to say something else and then closed it and looked away.

"How'd you get home?"

"There was a nice nurse named Maggie in the ER; her husband drives a cab. He took me home. Mrs. Bishop had a locksmith she knew come out and change the locks. I reset the alarm. But I couldn't stay there. I lived with Mrs. Bishop for a while."

"Bella, has anyone examined you since then?"

She rolled her eyes. "I've had a ton of doctors looking at me, Edward."

"But not an OB/GYN. Right?"

"I don't need to see one. I'm fine."

I let it drop.

She changed the subject. "Then what happened?"

**Last Dec 27th**

"We have company, Jasper informed me quietly as we walked away from the empty house, "Don't turn around. Look when we're getting into the car."

I felt like something was burning a hole in my back. I kept waiting for a gun to go off.

Eleazar sat in his car, tapping on the steering wheel and watched us. He waved and drove up next to us, brandishing a sick smile. Because of him, I hadn't been able to be home with Bella. Because of him, I had to stay away from her. He could go to hell. My fists started to shake; I had to get out of there before I attacked him.

Jasper hissed, "Keep your cool, asshole."

Eleazar lowered his window. "What brings you here, gentlemen?"

"I had to get my things while she wasn't here," I lied. "What are you doing here?"

"A little bird told me Bella went to the hospital. You're not going to do anything foolish like try and see her, are you?"

"The whole neighborhood saw her taken to the hospital." I shrugged, "I should at least show the decency to follow up."

"Remember all our projects, dear boy. I have eyes everywhere. Keep away from Bella."

I couldn't bring myself to share with him something so devastating as our loss of the baby. "I need to make sure she's okay. I might not want to be married to her, but I _am _responsible for her."

Eleazar clicked his tongue. "The problem with you Cullens is that you've never had to work for anything. Life just handed it to you. This time, Edward, you aren't the one with the power. I am. I meant what I said: keep away from her."

Eleazar drove away with a cheery wave.

"This makes no sense. On one hand, he insists he wants us because we're well regarded. Staying away from Bella, however, will bring us nothing but scorn."

Jasper said, "He's making us stay away from Bella simply because he can. He clearly gets off on feeling superior to us."

I got into the car. "I think I'm going to be sick." I took some deep breaths and lowered the window to get fresh air.

He gripped the steering wheel. "I've been a law-abiding citizen all my life, but right now, I'm really tempted to make Eleazar disappear forever."

He wasn't the only one. For the first time in my life, I actually contemplated breaking the Hippocratic oath and taking a human life – like that embodied the most rational decision.

"We're being watched too closely. We'd end up in jail. They would lock us up and throw away the key."

He drove us back to Mom and Dad's house.

No one wanted to eat. Instead, we sat hollow-eyed around the dinner table and tried to comfort Mother, who was beside herself with grief and guilt. Next to leaving Bella, this ranked as the worst night of my life.

I went out into the garage and hit the punching bag repeatedly, imagining it to be Eleazar. Using my fists alone didn't satisfy me. So I started kicking it instead.

"Edward," Dad said. He put his hand on my arm. "You've been at this for over an hour. Son, let's go for a walk."

I threw on an old sweatshirt and, at Dad's parental glare, an old coat of mine, and walked outside into the bitter cold.

"Your mother had two miscarriages."

"When?"

"Before you were born. We tried for two years to get pregnant. She was so happy when she learned the first time that we were expecting. Two months later, she lost the baby in the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry."

"For years I felt like if I had been a better doctor, then I could have prevented her from miscarrying."

I could empathize because a large part of me felt if I had been there with Bella, this wouldn't have happened. I'm sure the stress of leaving her played a role. I added that to the ever-increasing list of sins that I accumulated.

We turned the corner and walked under the branches of the oak trees that in the summer created a green canopy, covering the road. Right now, they held their empty arms up to the sky like a mendicant praying for aid.

Father put his arm around my shoulders. "It's the most awful feeling. We don't carry the baby, so we can't know how the women in our lives feel. I can only tell you that I felt helpless. I didn't know how to help her. Esme thought she had done something wrong. But life went on, and we had Jasper."

I said nothing – simply let him talk.

"A year after Jasper was born Esme became pregnant and miscarried. Six months later, we found out she was pregnant with you. She had a difficult pregnancy, so she went on bed rest for the entire time. You were born prematurely. We almost lost you."

"I didn't know."

"Now you do. Esme suffered bouts of depression when you were born. We both decided that it would be in the best interests of her health if she didn't bear any more children. She had a tubal ligation.

"So adopting Bella –"

Dad interrupted. "Esme always wanted a little girl. God sent Bella to us. I'm very worried about Bella and your mother. It's not just that we've found out about Aro and Cicy, or Eleazar's betrayal. Your mother is suffering because she can put herself in Bella's place, and she hates that she can't go to her."

"I never stopped to think how this is affecting you. I'm sorry for that."

Dad's eyes were haunted. "I was raised to believe that a man should protect his family. I failed to save my sister and Aro. And now we all, most especially Bella, are facing this threat and my hands are tied."

"I know how you feel."

Dad patted my back. "We'll get through this. I don't know how yet, but we have to pray for Bella and do our best to keep her safe. I think she just may surprise us with her strength." Dad was always the optimist, even in the worst of times.

"Did you ever see any sign that Eleazar . . ." I could barely utter the vile words, "lusted after her?"

Dad stuffed his hands in his pockets and kicked at a rock. I could hear it skittering along the dark sidewalk. "Never. I would have strangled him with my bare hands. You know he and I met your mother the same night when we went to a wedding. He actually tried to ask her out first."

"And you did too? That must have been awkward."

"Esme turned him down. He was gracious about it. Now I wonder if he chewed on resentment all this time."

"Why? What does that have to do with Bella?"

Father said, "What worries me is that even though Bella and Esme aren't related by blood, Bella does bear a resemblance to your mother when she was younger."

"So you don't think he's after Bella?"

"I think he sees her as the woman that got away in a younger version, but I don't think he'll act on it."

"Why?"

"Because Eleazar's Achilles' heel is his preoccupation with what the community thinks of him. It always has been. He might fantasize about Bella, but with him trying to get a new business up and attract clients, I can't see him doing anything that would attract controversy – well, anything that he could get caught doing."

We arrived at last at the front door.

"Thanks, Dad."

"That's what fathers are for."

We found Mother asleep on the couch. Jasper sat by her staring off into space.

I went to my room, shut the door and, surrounded by the trappings of my childhood, quietly cried myself to sleep.

The next two days passed in a blur. Eleazar sent movers over to my house along with a locksmith and packed up all of my clothing. He heard about the baby, and patted me on the back, almost like he did in the good old days and said, "Sorry about the baby. Tough break. I've been there with Carmen." He followed this up with another threat and reminder to stay away from my wife.

Father saw – from a distance– Bella walking into Morton's funeral home with Mrs. Bishop. Yet another thing I castigated myself for missing – the burial of our son.

Bella loved flowers. I had always given her bouquets to let her know how much I loved her. I stopped by a florist and bought a bouquet of tulips and went to the cemetery to see if there was a grave for our child but couldn't bring myself to go in. Instead, I threw up in some shriveled rose bushes. The oddest thought occurred to me. Jay Rogers, crying over his late grandmother passing. I'd been uncharitable about his grief. Because this was ghastly. This hurt all the way to the soul, and I could not figure out how to stop the agony.

"You okay?" I stood up straight to find some skinny, pale guy with the lightest blue eyes I'd ever seen looking up at me with pity.

"No."

He held out a flask. "Jack Daniels. You look like you need it." He was Southern by his accent, but not from around here.

I accepted the container and took a small sip to be polite. "Thank you. Mighty kind of you."

"Eleazar has me watching you, so we'll be seeing a lot of each other. Pay me no mind. Go ahead and take all the time you need. I'll sit here and read the paper." He held a rolled up copy of the _New York Times_.

I felt like a prisoner being offered a temporary reprieve. It took everything I had to force my feet to move through those gates.

Right on the outside edge of the crowded Cullen family plot, I saw a fresh grave, a small one, without a marker. Someone had left a wilted bouquet on it. My chest constricted, and my feet fought against moving, like I had an elephant clinging to each ankle. I couldn't go any closer. She'd had to do this – bury our child – on her own.

I had to find a way to get out of this so I could comfort my wife. It was eating me alive, and I didn't know how much more Bella could take. I didn't want to find out.

Seeing that small, newly covered grave took my breath away. I sank to my knees and cried for our child. I divided the bouquet and put half on the tiny grave, and then walked to the other side of the cemetery and put the other half on Bella's parents' graves after making sure my watcher had the newspaper open in front of his face. I hoped Bella would see it and understand the message.

As I left the cemetery, it felt like I approached the gates of Hell. My watcher sat on a wooden bench, and I took a seat by him. He handed me the flask again without a word. I took a real drink this time.

"Why is Eleazar having me watched?" Stupid question, but I had to ask.

"Actually, he isn't the one insisting on it. Carmen is. I don't question. I just do my job. Nothing personal, you understand? You seem like a nice kid. I follow you around on mornings, Bubba does it at night."

"You're going to be bored to death."

"It's a cushy job. Pays well."

"I'd better be going. Thanks." I handed the flask to him and walked to my car.

I went to my attorney Alistair's office and discovered Ben Cheney there. I'd been working with Ben to gather evidence on Eleazar and Carmen. Alistair shook my hand and said, "I heard about Bella from your Dad. I'm really sorry. I didn't even know you were expecting."

"We were going to tell people over the holidays."

"How are you holding up?"

I clenched my hands into fists to keep from bawling like a child.

"I'm worried about her safety. Eleazar is acting unhinged."

Ben said, "I can take care of that. I've already placed a guy on your street in that rental house because I knew you'd worry. He's already watching over Bella and he says so far she's doing okay."

"He's seen her?"

"Yeah." Ben started polishing his glasses. "He sees her checking the mail and getting the paper. She's hanging in there. Don't worry, I'll protect her. I'll make sure of it." He said that with such earnestness. I wondered how someone could deal with criminals every day and not become jaded.

"Thanks. I have to get back to work." I walked out into the rain, not caring that I was getting soaked.

Dante had put Satan under a layer of ice, seeing that as the worst punishment. I could identify. As time passed, I felt like I sat there frozen with the world going on around me, just out of my reach.

Every time I came to Ben Cheney with a tape that had Eleazar hinting at some kind of foul deed, he would listen carefully, and tell me we still didn't have enough evidence to lock Eleazar up.

"I'm sorry, man, you have to keep at it," Ben kept saying, much to my frustration.

Eleazar had only framed Bella and me –not the rest of my family; but he'd also threatened my mother. I wanted Bella safe. My parents and brother could take off at any time, and I encouraged them on more than one occasion to do so. They all adamantly refused.

The months passed by in a kaleidoscope of loneliness and frustration. Being away from Bella was agony. Having no way of checking up on her besides talking to Ben only compounded it. I'd seen her out with Emmett and Alice on one occasion, but neither would speak to me about her. I got the feeling that they didn't really know her that well since I'd never heard of her spending time alone with them before now. Bella only had me and the family as confidantes. I wanted my wife back. The selfish side of me didn't want to hear about her moving on with her life.

The only way I could spend time in peace was going to the cemetery. In February, I walked to the small grave with a handful of flowers and found a name plate. I read it and fell to my knees. It was for a little girl – Evangeline St. Pierre. I was such a fuck-up; I couldn't even find my own child's grave. I passed by Bella's parents' graves on the way to the office and left flowers there. The cemetery manager said that no one had bought a plot for a baby Cullen.

My watcher found me, helped me up from the ground and drove me home. He left me with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

The stress of trying to dig up evidence on Eleazar while wearing a wire was taking its toll.

Dad took me aside for a walk and asked, "Son, you've dropped too much weight. Your clothes are hanging on you."

"I've been having problems with my stomach. Nothing major."

"Edward, I know you borrowed my drill to make another hole in your belt. Enough is enough. Did you get your stomach checked out?"

"I have an ulcer. Should be cleared up with some antibiotics."

"You haven't been sleeping, have you?"

"I can't. Every time I close my eyes, I think of Bella. I'm so worried about her. This was only supposed to last a few weeks. This plan has spiraled out of control."

"You don't have to divorce her, you know. Eleazar never ordered _that_. Lots of couples are separated for a while before reuniting."

I fought hard not to break down in front of my dad. "She had her attorney tell mine that she wanted to speed up the divorce. She doesn't want me any more. I don't blame her."

My dad hugged me. "Son, I'm so sorry." There really was nothing else to say. In the span of a few months, I'd lost my wife, my child, Aro and Cicy, and my favorite uncle. Now I stood studying the wreckage of my life. I mourned what I used to have with Eleazar as if he had died. And thinking of Bella - she was always on my mind. I kept trying to contact her via email, to beg her to change her mind and drag out the divorce for a while longer. She never responded to the coded messages that I sent.

The day our divorce became final, Jasper found me puking up my guts in my apartment. I passed out after I heard him call my name. He rushed me to the hospital where I was treated for alcohol poisoning. They kept me for a week and insisted that I had to talk to a shrink about stress management. Emmett stopped avoiding me. We came to this informal agreement that we wouldn't discuss Bella - and worked to rebuild a friendship.

Over the past few months, I'd been peppered with questions about Bella from Mother's society friends at parties that Eleazar insisted I attend. Without fail, I changed the subject. They didn't have anything to tell me that I didn't know already. Bella had retreated to our house and rarely socialized with her old friends. I deserved to burn in hell for what I had put her through – except I was already there. Standing out of reach and being unable to talk to her was my torment.

Countless times I started to pick up the phone to call her but would hang up. In desperation, when I noticed at our court hearing that her weight had dropped severely, I bought a disposable cell phone and tried to call her. I risked it four times, but she never picked up. When I came home from work the next day, I could tell my apartment had been searched. I destroyed the phone that night and threw it away in a dumpster in the complex when I was sure no one followed me. I realized how out of control my life was– I was paranoid about what I tossed in the trash.

Using a passkey, I snuck into Alice's office and used her computer to hack into Bella's email. Almost all of her messages were unread. I made a sock account with the name Scout_Lives_Forever; a moniker taken from her favorite book _To Kill A Mockingbird_. I tried emailing her innocuous messages every week, containing clues that would tell her it was me, if she were to read them. She never opened a single one.

**Present**

"You did all that? I had no idea," Bella said in a small voice. "I stopped answering the phone if it was a number I didn't know."

"Why?"

Bella's hands shook so hard I took them in my own and rubbed them to give them warmth.

She kept staring at our hands. "_He_ called."

"Who? Eleazar?"

"No. That man that attacked me. He called and told me that he was thinking about paying me another visit. That was the other reason I stayed with Mrs. Bishop."

"He called on our house phone?"

"Yeah. He emailed me, too. I stopped opening emails from people I didn't know."

"Christ, no wonder you never answered. I don't blame you at all. His name, by the way, is Vrabek."

"Well, Vrabek's been arrested, right?"

"He is hospitalized and under arrest. He's not going anywhere."

"What about Eleazar and Carmen?"

"I came up with a plan."

"Isn't this how we got into trouble in the first place?"

"Angela inspired it when I ran into her a few days ago. And I was sick of not having you in my life. I want my wife back. I want Eleazar and Carmen to pay for what they did."

"So what did you do? I don't see what Angela has to do with it."

"She stopped by my office, and I invited her in to talk."

Sitting by Bella with my back against the headboard, I recalled the conversation.

**72 hours earlier**

"You look awful. Have you been sleeping?" Angela came into my office and shut the door.

We chit-chatted for an uncomfortable five minutes.

Angela tapped her fingers nervously against my desk. Even though we were alone with the door shut, she leaned forward and whispered, "If you're doing what I _think_ you're doing with Bella, then as messed up as it sounds, you're doing the right thing. If Eleazar did to Bella what he did to me, it would kill her. We both know he's hung up on her."

I thought Angela had stunned me enough for one day. Oh, how wrong I was. The next thing she told me literally blew every surprise I'd had lately out of the water.

When she left, I called Dad.

"We need to talk."

"Okay, son. I'll be down in your office in twenty minutes. I could use a coffee break. Let's take a walk."

"See you then," I answered and hung up the phone.

Dad knocked on my door. I followed him out the building. It was bone chillingly cold outside. We definitely were alone.

"What is it? You look awful."

"I wanted to run something by you. There has to be a logical explanation for how Eleazar could go from someone we loved to this conniving asshole."

"He's the most dangerous predator out there, Edward. He sneaks up on you, becomes your best friend, makes you love him like family, and when you least expect it, then he strikes."

"Well, what if something physiologically could explain his behavior?"

"I don't know, maybe a brain tumor? He doesn't seem to have a constant mood anymore. He's been so hyper, almost manic the past few months."

"He's lost weight, and his hands shake."

Dad said, "That could be from stress. He never did handle it well."

"I've noticed his motor coordination is off. I thought he'd been drinking."

"He only drinks socially. Never more than a glass. Alcoholism runs in his family on his mother's side."

"I didn't know that."

"Eleazar's mother came from a prominent family that went bankrupt. She married for money. It never mattered to me, but some of my friends growing up used to tease him about his mom marrying beneath her, and also because she was a drunk."

I said, "He and Carmen have been arguing more in public lately. He seems to be having trouble making up his mind."

"So do you think he's had a stroke?" Dad asked.

"No, what I think he has is far, far worse." So I told him.

Dad froze, dropped his head and said, "If you're right, then he's as good as dead. That doesn't explain why Carmen is working with him."

"How about the fact that she's a narcissistic bitch?"

Dad said, "The French have a phrase, '_cherchez la femme_' when looking at the trouble a man has gotten himself into."

"Search for the woman, indeed." I scoffed. "I'm going to use this to take both Eleazar and Carmen down. We still don't know who tried to kill Bella with the poison."

"If I had to guess," Father said, "I'd look at Carmen. Edward, be careful."

"Dad, I'm sick of this. It has to stop. Playing the game Marcus' and the FBI's way is taking too damn long."

"I agree. How can I help?"

**Present**

Bella's eyes were wide. "Are you sure?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense."

Bella shook her head and asked, "Can this be fixed?"

"Doubtful. His history is against him."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Good."

Bella stared out the window, her expression inscrutable.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I understand why you did what you did. Thank you for at least giving me closure."

Closure? Oh hell, no.

Bella rested her chin on her knees. I couldn't help but notice she had her hands clasped so tightly together the knuckles were white.

"I'm not going to give up on you."

"You should. I gave up on me a long time ago. I'm as broken as broken can get."

"We can get through this. You are not alone."

She stared at her feet, wiggling her toes in her casted foot. "You don't get it. I died last Christmas Eve along with our son. I have nothing left to give you."

"All I'm asking for is your time. I can never apologize enough to you. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

She stared at the ground as she said, "Jasper was right, you know. I've believed for months that you did not love me. That the Cullens threw me away like trash. How could I not?"

"Bella, I love you. Mom, Dad, and Jasper all love you too. We didn't know what to do other than what we did. Look at Eleazar. We considered him family and he blackmailed me, threatened you, and killed Aro and Cicy. We didn't know who we could trust, and he was having us watched."

She said, "I need time to think. I can't forgive you at this point."

I couldn't blame her. It was nothing more than what I deserved. "Let's just take it one day at a time. First, I have to make sure that Eleazar and Carmen are put away for good."

Bella punched my shoulder. "You mean _we, _don't you? He killed my favorite Aunt and Uncle. He took you away from me. I want him to suffer like I did."

I wanted to reach out and hold her, but she seemed skittish, like she'd dance away like a wild-eyed foal.

"You can help all you want. You look like you could use a nap. Why don't you lie down?"

"I am tired."

I pulled the comforter over her, reached out to touch her forehead and then thought better of it when I belatedly noticed the bruising and swelling were worse. Her eyes were already shut. I decided to leave before I said something stupid. Today, she'd faced the man that attacked her and killed our child. I didn't want to add to her burden any more than I already had.

Closing the bedroom door behind me, I went into the living room and texted Angela and Mother both. "That rumor I wanted you to start? Do it now."

I wasn't looking forward to the next phone call at all. That Mrs. Bishop woman was difficult to deal with. I remembered how I found out that Bella had left town.

**Past June**

I didn't catch it at first. When enough people came up to me and commented that they hadn't seen Bella, I realized I had to step in and check on her. I used the excuse that I was going to return her rings to her if Eleazar asked what I was doing.

First, I lost the tail that usually followed me around town. Driving through our old neighborhood felt bittersweet. The house appeared locked tight, but when I looked through the front window it was completely empty. All of our things were gone, and our name plate had been removed from the door by someone with no mechanical skills judging by the gouges in the wood. My chest felt like it was being squeezed from within. This made no sense. Our two cars sat in the driveway, sneering at me through filthy windows. Nothing was in the mailbox. How could the house be empty? Bella's rings burned a hole in my pocket.

Reluctantly, I went to Mrs. Bishop's door and knocked. When I got into my car after being verbally abused by that old battle-ax, I was on the edge of hyperventilating. Where could Bella have gone? Her whole life was in this town. Bella wasn't the type to go off gallivanting on her own without a word. I rushed to my office and reached for the phone to call Jasper for help.

Before I could dial, my phone rang. It was Eleazar.

He ranted, "You went by Isabella's after I told you not to."

I interrupted him, "Eleazar, she doesn't live there anymore, so no, I didn't."

"Where is she?"

Despite my heart-pounding and shaking knees, I kept a business-like tone. "I honestly have no idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work."

"Find her," he snapped.

For once we agreed. "I'll get right on that." I was happy to be given the opportunity, not that I'd tell him anything. And Ben Cheney had some serious explaining to do. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he'd been lying to me and that raised the logical question of, "If so, why?"

When I called Ben, I tried my best to sound casual. "So have you heard anything about Bella?"

"Yeah." I could hear him typing slowly on a keyboard. "My guy says she's doing great. She's looking into taking some yoga classes down at the YWCA. She's redecorating the house. Let me look at my notes. . .oh yeah, she did lunch with some new friends at an Indian restaurant last week."

"I see, thanks." I hung up. Fucker. Bella wouldn't do yoga if you offered her a million dollars. She lacked the balance skills necessary to perform it and considered it a waste of time. Mother and I decorated the house because Bella hated shopping. And after a bout with food poisoning, she loathed Indian food. The scent of curry made her vomit.

I guessed her password and got into her credit card account. She had not used it this month. Clicking on the previous statements, she had not utilized the card for the past three months, either. I could not find a trace of Bella online. The money I had given her at the time of the divorce still sat untouched in her bank account. I tried to stay calm. I recalled she'd gotten some trust from her birth parents. Maybe she was using that.

I called Alistair. "Ben Cheney has been lying to me about Bella. She's vanished. I need your help finding her."

"I've got a guy I use from out of state. He does good work. I'll call him and get him on the case. I'm really sorry, Edward. I'll talk to Marcus after lunch."

It's not paranoid if you think every one's after you, especially when they actually are. "How do you know you can trust Marcus?"

"I've known him for twenty years."

In light of Eleazar, that was no argument. I was going to have to put my faith in the man, when I had none left.

Alistair said, "We'll have the proof we need when we see how Marcus reacts to the news about Ben from me. I'll keep you posted. Hang in there, man."

I first called Bella's work. The receptionist told me that Bella was on a leave of absence, and she had no forwarding address. I called around to every one of Bella's contacts that she met through Mom that I knew. No one had any idea where she had gone, and everyone said the same thing: Bella had drifted away.

I had images of those women they suspected Eleazar had killed in my mind as I finally broke down and called Alice.

"What's up, Edward?"

"Bella's gone."

"Yes, I know."

"You do?"

"I dropped her off at the airport months ago. I thought you knew."

"No. She didn't tell me."

Alice stayed silent long enough for it to become uncomfortable.

I asked, "Did you actually see her get on a plane?"

"Yes. I stayed in case she changed her mind."

"Was she traveling alone? I'm very worried about her, Alice."

"She didn't have anyone with her."

"Did it at any point look like she was forced into it? Did she act like she didn't want to go?"

Again, Alice made me stew while she held her tongue. "You really have no idea what it has been like for her, do you?"

"No."

"She couldn't wait to leave, Edward. She didn't tell me where she was going and in the shape she was in, I didn't want to push. I dropped her off alone. That doesn't mean she couldn't have met someone in another city. All I know is she flew to Atlanta." I quickly ended the call with her.

My phone rang and I groaned when I saw the screen.

"Hello, Eleazar."

"Have you found her?"

"No. She's not in town, that much I do know. I thought you had someone looking out for her."

Eleazar snapped, "I farmed it out to someone since Bella's low maintenance. Last time I heard from him, Bella was taking yoga or something and redecorating. I paid that asshole a lot of money, too. I'm going to have to talk to him. Nobody cheats me and lives."

My stomach lurched. I sat up straighter in my chair as I broke out in a cold sweat.

I said, "I've got an appointment now. I'll fill you in on what I find later." I hung up the phone and called Alistair.

"Yeah, learned anything?" Alistair answered.

I was so enraged, I could barely say the words. "Ben Cheney works for Eleazar."

**End Chapter**

***whistles* Expect more revelations next chapter. **

**Thoughts? **

**Please review**


	11. Chapter 11

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. AH ExB

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there

AN: I have the best readers in the fandom. Thank you so much for the reviews, the tweets, the PMs and the posts on Facebook and ADF about this story. It's humbling. We are over halfway done with this story and because my work will be insane until June, I'm going to have to move to updating every other week. This chapter bounces back and forth between Edward narrating his story and having conversations in the present with Bella. You should know that Edward's narratives are being shared with Bella. He's not saying them for the readers and editing them for her sake. And on an entirely other note, Edward has always hidden his hacking skills from his family. They have no idea he's capable of moving money from Eleazar and Carmen's accounts.

Many thanks to LJ Summers, prettyflour, detochkina, and jmolly for the beta-ing. Thanks as well to EternalSummer79, twilover76, Kristin Hazzard, pomme_de_terre, and Mutt N. Feathers for the pre-reading.

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><p>Last chapter: <em> I hung up the phone and called Alistair.<em>

_"Yeah, learned anything?" Alistair answered._

_I was so enraged, I could barely say the words. "Ben Cheney works for Eleazar."_

**Chapter 11: The Wrath of the Righteous**

_All warfare is based on deception. - Sun Tzu_

**Past June**

My hand shook with righteous fury as I listened to Alistair's reaction to my claim. Smoothly, he pretended like he talked to another and said, "I'll get back to you on that issue, your honor." I heard the muffled sounds of Ben talking as Alistair hung up the phone abruptly.

Ben Cheney was the man in whom I had placed my trust. This was the respected FBI agent who had shown me a profile of Eleazar, which in turn had convinced me that leaving my wife would keep her safe from him. This was the man who talked me out of putting her and my family in a witness protection program. And this was the man who swore he had someone watching Bella to keep her safe. Like an avalanche on an unsuspecting town, anger, frustration, terror, and rage roared through me.

When I got to my lab, I started a desperate online search for Bella that came up empty. I picked up the tower from my workstation and threw it at a set of shelves. That felt good. So I went around and systematically broke every piece of glass I could get my hands on. I looked up forty minutes later to find the room in shambles, and I could not find it within myself to give a damn.

I came out of my rage to hear the ringing of my cell phone. I was tempted to ignore it until I saw Alistair's name on the screen.

He said, "Sorry I couldn't get back to you until now. Come on over and keep your cool. We have a meeting with Marcus and Ben. When you get here, pretend like you don't suspect anything."

"Am I going to get to kick Ben's sorry ass?"

Alistair smoothly replied, "I promise on my mother's grave."

"Your mother is alive, asshole."

"Details. Details. Get over here and don't be a diva. No ass-kicking till I say so."

I drove like a maniac over to Alistair's office. After everything that my family and I had endured, I wanted answers. I had followed Ben's guidance and felt like the biggest idiot on earth. Now Bella was missing with no trace left behind, and regret, fear, and suspicion swam around my mind in an unholy union.

I suppose all that practice being around Eleazar and pretending to be be indifferent paid off. Ben, Alistair and I walked to the meeting room with Alastair and Ben joking about their favorite football teams.

Alastair noticed my fist strangling an innocent pen and said, "Hey Edward, mind if I borrow that?" He snatched the pen from my hand, doubtlessly fearing I'd use it on Cheney. I grinned thinking of Cheney's body in pieces and meditated to the imagined sounds of his screams as I broke his bones one-by-one. I was going to ruin his life if anything had happened to my wife.

Alistair, Ben and I sat at the table in the basement, waiting for Marcus to arrive. Ben wadded up pieces of paper from his notepad and took aim at the metal wastepaper basket in the corner. He missed one-fourth of his shots. Staring at the crumpled balls of paper scattered about the floor reminded me of my family, tossed about at the whim of this twerp. As I stared at the floor, a pair of polished black wingtips came within my field of vision. They squashed the paper as I stared up into the preternaturally calm visage of Marcus.

Imperiously, Marcus said, "Glad you all could make it. Cheney, I want to meet with Bella Cullen today. Get her."

"Excuse me, sir?"

Marcus' eyes were cold. "You heard me. She's a witness. I need to talk with her." Impatiently, he snapped his fingers at Ben. "You've been putting me off for two weeks now. Get her. Now." He pointed to Ben's cell phone. "I want to see you call her. Put it on speakerphone."

Ben played with his phone. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his head. The plastic smile he wore started to melt as a tic in his cheek broke his illusion of composure like a boulder thrown in a still lake.

"You don't know where she is, do you?" I asked.

Ben would not meet my gaze. "No. I'm sorry, I lost track of her."

Looking at the man made my blood boil. "Why did you lie and tell me you had someone watching her?"

Ben whined, "I needed you focused on this case. I was going to look for her later."

_Later?_ My fingers twitched as I longed to strangle the asshat. Alistair put a hand on me and said, "Chill."

"When did you lose track of her?" Marcus asked.

"In March, a few weeks after the divorce became final. She just disappeared."

Marcus reached into his attache case. "Now that we have the issue of your incompetency settled, Ben, would you care to explain how you ended up with all this?"

He tossed a plastic bag on the table, which was filled with stacks of money.

Ben tried to play dumb. "What the heck is that?"

Marcus retorted, "Stop wasting my time. We found this packed inside your mattress. You were one of our top agents. You've just flushed your life away."

Ben crossed his arms. "Someone framed me."

"Really?" Marcus leaned back and smiled. "Your fingerprints are all over this money. Care to explain that?"

Ben stuttered, "Um. . .sir, you see. . .I've been working undercover."

"Yes, we know. I placed you in this office undercover when last I checked." Marcus smiled. It wasn't a nice look for him. He acted like the alligator about ready to pounce on cornered prey.

Ben gulped and blustered, "Well, I was going to tell you. I've managed to get Eleazar to trust me by thinking I'm informing on the investigation of him. I haven't told him anything useful. He thinks we're only investigating him for murder."

"But you accepted this money?" Marcus pressed. "That's why you opened that bank account in the Cayman Islands?"

"Sir, I can explain."

"Yes, you will. But not here. We're done. When we walk outside, you are to pretend that everything is normal, do you understand?"

Jerkily, Ben nodded and then whispered, "Yes, sir."

Two men came into the room. One frisked Ben while Marcus read the man his rights. I wanted to leap across the table and strangle Ben. Alistair shook his head at me like he completely understood my frustration that I couldn't dispatch Cheney on the spot.

I asked the pipsqueak, "Does Eleazar know I'm working against him?"

Ben pursed his lips. Marcus tapped Ben across the nose like one would a misbehaving dog with a newspaper and said, "If you prevaricate on that question, you will never get a deal from the government."

Ben's eyes bulged. "No, he doesn't. I swear to God. He thinks you're just here at Alistair's about the divorce, and that I'm spying on you for him. He's never mentioned Bella once. Carmen is the only one I ever heard asking about her."

Carmen had never shown any kind of interest in Bella before. Maybe Eleazar hadn't been careful about hiding his sick attraction to Bella. Maybe Carmen had something to do with Bella vanishing.

I asked Marcus, "What are we doing now?"

"Let me debrief him and I'll get back with you. I'll see what I can do about locating Bella." Marcus and Ben left quietly.

Alistair said, "What an asshole."

Still raging, I returned to my lab. Sinking to the floor, I stared around at the destruction, angry that there wasn't much left for me to smash.

_Bella was ten. She had crawled into bed with me after having nightmares. I woke her up for breakfast the next morning, "Sunshine."_

"_Why do you call me that?" she crinkled her nose._

"_Because you are my sunshine. You always have been."_

Thinking back upon that conversation, surrounded by the detritus of my rage, I realized that without her in my world, I walked in eternal darkness.

"Edward?" Dad scraped a clear space on the floor with his shoe and sat down beside me.

I hung my head. "I fucked up, Dad."

"How?"

"Ben Cheney is working for Eleazar. He's been playing us all along."

I broke down, my head in my hands. "I let him talk me into leaving Bella. I hurt her. . . for nothing. She's gone and I don't even know where she is. She could be out there, hurt. She. . .for all I know, she could be dead." A stark future opened up before my staggered mind; one in which not only was Bella lost to me, she was lost to the world. Forever.

"I know it's hard, but try to stay positive. We don't have any reason to believe she's been harmed."

"Then why is she gone, Dad?"

"Bella could have wanted to get away. To start fresh. Being around town had to be too painful for her."

"Maybe." I sniffed and wiped at my nose.

Dad continued to argue his case. "Eleazar ordered you to stay away from her, son. Even if Ben hadn't been involved, you still would have had to keep away from her without giving her an explanation."

I was the sorriest son of a bitch walking the earth. "Sometimes I regret being born."

He gave me his hand and said, "Edward, we'll all be here for you and Bella both. You did the best you could in a horrible situation. Forgive yourself for being human."

"I don't know how. I was supposed to protect her, and I failed."

"We_ all_ failed her, son. The blame doesn't rest on your shoulders alone. Let's start fixing this place up."

I felt like a child again. "What about Bella?"

Dad said, "I'll make some calls to some friends I know and see if I can find her. Is Marcus going to help?"

"He said he would."

"Then I'll give him a call and see if we can coordinate our efforts. Let's clean this mess up."

I grabbed a broom from the corner and started sweeping up broken glass, thinking of the shards of my life. Fixing _this_ mess would be far easier than the one I had created with Bella.

A week later, my lab looked like it normally did, albeit with all new eqiupment.

Dad asked me to come see him at his office. We took a walk outdoors and ended up sitting in a deserted corner of the hospital cafeteria.

Dad stirred his coffee. "When I heard the news, I thought someone was playing a joke on me."

"What news?"

"Where Bella is."

"Spill. Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She took a job working in Africa."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

He turned his laptop toward me. "This is the organization that she works for."

"Where is she in Africa?" That continent was awfully huge for someone to vanish in.

Dad cleared his throat nervously. "Erm. . .you won't like this part."

"Well?"

"She's working in a refugee camp in Sub-Sahara Africa."

At first I thought he joked. As the silence lengthened and I realized where she was I flapped my lips like a beached fish and emitted some kind of strangled noise.

"It was really hard finding her," Dad said. "Take a deep breath Edward. She appears to be doing okay."

"How did you locate her?"

"I hired a detective from out of town– an ex-agent that Marcus recommended."

Dad showed me a black and white picture where Bella was passing out boxes of food to a crowd of emaciated people. She had shadows under her eyes, and was so thin it hurt to look at her. A tall man stood by her, smiling down at her. I wanted to reach inside the photo and rip his face off.

I said, "I've got to get her out of there."

"No, actually, I think that's the perfect place for her."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"No one here can get to her, Edward. She's as safe as she can be."

"How? She's in a war zone!"

Dad scoffed and answered, "Do you really think Eleazar's lackeys are going to give up running water and electricity to chase after her? They're a bunch of good old boys most of which have never set foot outside the State, much less the United States. They'd stick out like sore thumbs and probably get themselves killed by rebels."

"Okay, I see your point. But that part of Africa is dangerous, especially for a woman."

"Edward, I think I've come up with a solution that you can live with."

Aside from bringing her back to the States and getting her in a witness protection program, my mind drew a blank. "What's that?"

"The guy in the picture? He's a fraternity brother to the founder of the group that hired Bella. I'll get word to him and ask him to keep an eye out on her."

I stared at the picture of my love. "Well, clearly he has no influence on her. Look how thin she is."

"Beggers can't be choosers, Edward."

"What's his name?"

"Alec Ghiselli."

Dad and I agreed to meet up later. I went back to my office and did a little bit of detective work with my computer. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice in trusting someone with Bella's welfare.

No wonder this Alec guy had to go into Special Forces. He looked like a pretty boy who spent most of his time checking his reflection in the mirror. He probably had to go roll in the dirt to get people to stop questioning his masculinity. But he had excellent marks in medical school, and his letters of recommendation were noteworthy. Even better, he couldn't be financially traced back to me. I didn't like the idea of him alone with Bella, but he seemed a good fit for the job.

Ten days later, Dad and I were taking another walk. I asked, "Well, have you heard anything?"

"Yeah. Told you he was already on it. Alec told the owner of that organization to tell you to. . . buzz off. . . and that Bella would be fine."

"How charming." I highly doubted he said 'buzz.'

Dad said, "From what I have learned, he's a good guy. He's already friends with her." That surprised me. Too shy, Bella didn't really relate to other men aside from the ones in our family.

A week later, I was wearing that little tape recorder when I –at long last – got Eleazar to say something incriminating. Thanks to the vodka I'd slipped into his drink, Eleazar was stinking drunk.

Eleazar sounded surprised. "You have been much nicer about this situation than I expected."

"By _situation_ are you referring to your threats to frame me and Bella for crimes we did not commit?"

He belched. "I prefer to think of it as incentives."

"How so?" I asked. Eleazar scrunched his forehead and swayed a bit in his chair. Out of the blue, he declared, "I killed that Lauren Mallory bitch to prove a point. She tried to defy me. Carmen helped."

I could see in his eyes he was trying to goad me. Eleazar resembled the swaying head of a cobra in that moment. I kept my voice bland. "We saw that we had no choice but to cooperate with your operation, so there's no point in being rude about it. How much did you make last year from this _business_? Ten million?"

"Forty," Eleazar crowed. "And we're expanding. Black market drugs –selling them is the best business I've ever done."

I finally had what I needed on tape. I felt I would be able to get my life back now. As soon as Eleazar left, I made sure that Marcus had the evidence.

I had long dreamed of the day when Eleazar would be behind bars where he belonged and I'd fly to Africa to bring Bella home. We'd get married, again, and _this_ time it would just be the two of us and a justice of the peace. I'd do whatever it took to win her hand. We'd have the children we had planned. I'd even break down and get her a dog.

I bought a plane ticket to Africa, to depart the very next day. My cell phone ringing at 3:30 A.M. jerked me out of an uneasy sleep.

"Yes."

It was Dad. "Bella's been shot."

My stomach dropped. I sat up so quickly, I tripped and fell, barely managing to hang onto the phone. "What?"

"She's been flown to Germany. They're doing surgery on her at the military hospital there."

It took me a while to regain my composure enough to speak coherently. "How bad is it?"

"Alec said she was stable." That could mean anything.

"Did he say where she was shot?"

"No."

"I'm on my way."

"I'm coming with you. We'll both bring her home."

With Dad at my side, I got on the next plane to Germany with a sick feeling in my stomach. I literally was on edge until I got to her hospital room and was able to assess her condition. She had lost so much weight. When her doctor told me that she had a long road in front of her but that she would recover, I sank into a chair by her and wiped away tears. They had her so heavily drugged she slept most of the time. When she was awake, she didn't say anything coherent.

Initially, the military doctors wouldn't listen to me, and I never managed to find Alec. It took Dad getting as her next of kin to get them to agree to let me fly her home for further treatment. Eleazar could go jump in a lake. If he threatened me for seeing Bella, I'd tell him I had him on tape admitting to murder.

I sat by Bella on the flight home and held her hand the entire time. She occasionally would toss and turn and call out for help. It felt like someone stabbed me every time I heard her crying my name, begging me to help her. I would squeeze her hand and try talking to her. From her reaction, I might as well have been invisible.

When I saw her lying in that hospital bed back in our hometown, it took everything I had not to cry –she was so frail. The expression in her eyes when she became conscious frightened the life out of me. She stared right through me and barely answered when I talked to her.

I stepped out to give her some privacy with her nurses.

Jasper sat in the hallway, fingers tapping on his laptop. His face was pinched.

"Edward, you need to see something." He showed me a film clip.

Mere words couldn't describe the horror of seeing Bella shot. I jerked with each round as if it had hit me instead. When I saw her whisper my name as her blood soaked the ground around her I started to cry.

Rationally, I knew she was alive and stable in the next room, but at the sight of her bleeding on the ground, I bolted for the bathroom. That tape was the most horrible thing I had ever seen, and after dealing with Eleazar and his lackeys for the past year, I'd seen some awful things.

I rinsed my mouth out in the sink. I couldn't meet my own eyes in the mirror. She went _there _because of me. I had failed to protect her. Some genius.

Jasper was green when I came out.

"Don't show that clip to Mom or Dad," I warned him.

"Their phone is probably ringing off the hook about it. The clip's gone viral. The fun doesn't end there."

"What?"

He showed me the screen of his laptop. "Instead of Eleazar making headlines, we are."

"How?"

He played a clip of an interview with Mrs. Bishop in which it was implied that I beat the hell out of Bella and caused her to miscarry. Jasper muttered about suing for slander. I said, "Play that clip again, please."

"Why?"

"I need to hear something again."

I watched the interview a second time and said to Jasper, "We just assumed that she had a miscarriage. Mrs. Bishop said she found her bruised and beaten. If Eleazar touched her, he's a dead man. I need to look at her medical records."

Someone cleared a throat behind me. I turned to find the nurse who watched over Bella; Jane, I think her name was.

She said, "Miss Swan is pretty out of it, gentlemen, I think you should come back tomorrow. She's most likely going to sleep through tonight."

"One of us needs to watch over her. We're the only family she has."

"Suit yourself."

After saying goodbye to Jasper, I went into her hospital room, pulled up a chair, and settled down to guard her for another night.

"Don't go," Bella whispered in her sleep. I reached out and touched her hand. She closed her fingers around mine.

"Never. I love you."

My phone rang and Carmen's name flashed on the screen. I walked outside so I wouldn't disturb Bella and answered. "Yes?"

Her voice shook. "A little bird told me an interesting rumor."

"Is there a particular reason you're calling me? You know I don't have time for gossip."

"Shut up and listen, you fool. I've noticed that my husband and I have picked up shadows lately."

I played innocent. "Wait. You didn't assign those guys to follow us?"

She spat, "What guys?"

"I have two new guys in addition to the one who always follows me around. Mom and Dad and Jasper said the same thing has happened with them. What the heck is going on?"

Carmen said, "Eleazar and I will handle it. I heard about Bella. Going to get her was a good move."

"Okay."

"Eleazar and I feel that your family is no good to us if you are getting trashed in the press. So your new job is to make nice with Bella and convince everyone that you all have made up."

"What do you want me to do about the new shadows?"

Carmen's voice cracked. "Just keep your mouth shut. If you talk, I promise I'll make what happened to Aro and Cicy look mild in comparison." She ended the call, cursing.

Two days later, I met with my parents and Jasper in the hospital cafeteria. We had planned on talking about this situation, but quickly realized that this was not the best location as we could feel glares from across the room. The story of my allegedly beating my wife and leaving her alone after her miscarriage had spread and I was now officially a monster. I couldn't disagree with the public on that.

Walking out to my car to pick up a bag of clean clothes I kept in the trunk, it startled me to see that it had been spray painted and all four tires were slashed. Someone had taken a baseball bat to the windows. My bag was still in the trunk. I hadn't lied to Carmen about the two men following me –they had been in the hospital when I was. They pretended to be talking to each other on the other side of the parking lot. I rooted around in the trunk for my bag. When I slammed the trunk's lid shut, I heard a voice behind me.

My watcher handed me a flask of whiskey. I took a sip. The man had great taste in liquor. He gestured to my car and said, "Sorry about that."

"Did you do this?"

Something flashed in his eyes - perhaps irritation. He spat on the concrete. "Heck, no. I'd never be dumb enough to do that in broad daylight with a camera." He pointed at the nearby surveillance equipment, "No siree. But I betcha your security knows."

I wasn't sure if he referred to the agents that now followed me, or the security at the hospital. I certainly wasn't going to admit anything to this man.

"Thanks."

He stuffed his hands inside the pockets of his coat. "Don't mention it. How's your wife?"

I stiffened. "She's pretty sick."

"Will keep y'all in my prayers." He actually sounded like he meant that.

"Um, thanks. I think we need all that we can get."

"Stay close to her –especially at night."

By the look in his eyes, I took that for a warning.

"Will do. Have a nice day." I walked back inside.

**Present**

Bella said, "I thought that guy worked for Eleazar."

"He did."

"So why is he being so nice to you?"

If I had to guess, with the activity going on, he probably smelled change on the wind and wanted to cozy up to our side before the ax landed.

"Well, that makes sense," Bella said. "I heard about the vandalism. I'm sorry that happened."

"Don't be. Some of it we actually orchestrated."

"You what? Why?"

"Because if the public looked down on us, we'd have no value to Eleazar."

"Are you telling me you firebombed your parents' house?"

"No. We think that was a message from Eleazar and Carmen. There was a note left under the windshield wiper of Dad's car that said, "Keep your mouths shut or else." I stared at the ground and cleared my throat. "I appreciated the statement you had your attorney release. You didn't have to do that."

Bella acted uncomfortable. "It was the right thing to do. What happened next?"

**Past September**

Her assertion of 'My name is Bella Swan,' followed me out into the hallway as I left her room. It hurt so much to hear her insist that her name was Bella _Swan_, while I knew she barely remembered her birth parents.

It took all the strength I had not to turn around and run back into the room and throw myself at her feet and beg for another chance. Yet, I knew she wasn't ready to hear anything. I also had watchers around from Eleazar, I felt sure. Instead, I wandered the halls trying to gather my spinning thoughts.

The woman in that room was so different from the one I thought I knew. Her solemn eyes held so much pain it hurt to look at them. Her face showed how much weight she'd lost; her cheekbones stood out along with her thin wrists. What frightened me the most was her voice. When she spoke, her tone sounded flat - like nothing mattered.

Growing up, Bella had the sweetest personality. Sure, she'd been shy, but I had always been able to get her to open up and talk. That ability, however, seemed to have vanished in the months we'd been apart.

So much about her seemed different. She used to draw every day. I hadn't seen her so much as sketch a single thing. Silence around Bella used to be comfortable. Now it felt awkward. I remember the way she used to look at me, her heart shining in her eyes. I'd give anything to see her smile, to see her happy, to stop her pain.

I contacted her employers. With a heavy heart, I arranged for her them to replace her. I wasn't looking forward to breaking this news to her, but now that Eleazar was on the verge of being in jail, she had no need to go back to Africa. We could be together, if I could persuade her to forgive me. She could go back to teaching. I was going to court my wife –something I had never done properly – and couldn't wait to show her how much I wanted her back. First, though, I had to survive her newly born temper. My mind took me back to the night of our rehearsal dinner.

"_Let's toast to the bride and groom!" Dad held his glass aloft._

_The clinking of mason jars filled the restaurant._

_One of Jasper's drunk friends pointed a finger at me and Bella and yelled, "Speech! Speech! Speech!"_

_Bella got up quickly and left the room. I chased after her._

"_Sunshine?"_

_She was panting, in the middle of panic attack. I put my arm around her and walked her over to a wrought iron bench hidden behind a curtain of wisteria._

_Once she started breathing normally, she whispered, "I can't."_

"_You can't what?"_

"_I can't go in front of all those people and talk. Can we please just elope?"_

"_No one will make you give a speech. I promise."_

"_But he said. . ." she gestured back to the restaurant._

"_Jasper's friend is three sheets to the wind. The only thing you have to say in the next twenty-four hours is 'I do,' in the ceremony. That's it. And I'll be right by your side the entire time."_

_She rested her head against my shoulder. "I'm sorry."_

"_For what?"_

"_Making a scene and running out of there like a chicken with its head cut off."_

"_Bella, you're one of the bravest people I know."_

_She blew a raspberry at me. "Yeah, right. How much did you drink?"_

"_Being brave to me means you're afraid but you still act. I know how nervous you are. I can see you fighting, and I'm so proud of you. I wish I were that brave."_

_She gave me a wobbly smile. "Really?"_

"_Cross my heart." I leaned my forehead against hers._

_Bella kissed me and said softly, "I'm ready to go back inside."_

Time hadn't changed my opinion of her bravery. Once I calmed down from the terror of hearing she'd been shot, I was in awe of how she'd stood up for that little boy.

Telling her about her job situation didn't go as well as I had hoped.

She actually threw a _bedpan _at me when I broke the news to her. Granted, the receptacle had been empty, but I was in shock. My Bella never argued. Yet, here she was chucking half her hospital room at me with blood in her eyes.

Over the next few weeks, I established a routine of spending the nights by her side, watching over her while she slept. Bella scared us all when she became extremely ill. And then she had a severe panic attack when Mom tried to see her. We actually had to sedate Mom too; she started having chest pains she was so upset. Dad said Bella was in no shape to hear our side of things, so I held my tongue and waited for her to recover.

I expected life to go on as before when she got out of the hospital. I never dreamed Bella would find another job overseas and leave. As I watched her cab drive away with a sinking feeling in my gut, it occurred to me that I definitely had my work cut out for me.

"Hey, Edward," I heard Emmett calling behind me. "What's going on?"

I pointed in the direction that her cab had gone. "She left."

"Who left?"

"Bella. She got a job in Europe."

"I know."

"I've got to get her back. She's my life."

He said, "You need to give her some time, Edward. She hasn't been paying attention to the news. She knows nothing about Eleazar."

"I know." I didn't bother to hide how miserable I was. Dejected, I turned back around and headed to my office. I was not looking forward to breaking the news of Bella's new job to our parents.

When I brought her back from Prague, Bella had me worried sick. If possible, she looked even more haggard than she had when she was in the hospital. She slept all the time. She had mood swings. She cried. I'd rarely seen her cry growing up.

And then I learned what had happened the night she had miscarried. I vowed to find the animal that beat her and finish the job I started.

**Present**

Bella said, "I don't get it. You were allowed to come see me. Why?"

"Eleazar changed his mind when he saw the amount of press attention that the shooting received. He knew about the film going viral before you and I did."

"Is that why Carlisle and Esme were acting like nothing ever happened and trying to see me?"

"They didn't know if Eleazar had anyone listening around, so yeah. Then you got so sick and almost died." I rubbed at my eyes to hide the tears that threatened. "I've never been so scared in all my life."

Bella wore a pained expression. "I'm sorry to hear about all that you went through." Bella looked away and twisted her hands. "It doesn't change what happened. We're still divorced. Our son is still dead."

"I know. Give me a chance, please Bella." I had no shame left. I got down on my knees before her and took her cold hands in mine. "I'm begging you. Give me a chance to prove my love to you."

"I need time to think, Edward."

"Okay." I gave her hands a gentle squeeze as I let them go. I knew after all she'd been through, how fortunate I was to have a chance. I didn't want to push my luck. I tried to ignore the little voice in the back of my mind that asked what I would do if she never forgave me.

I noticed Bella's eyes drooping. The pain medication had finally hit.

"Why don't you go lay down for a nap?"

"M'kay." She moved towards the bedroom. Within five minutes she was asleep making her adorable soft snore.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I needed to focus, because Bella was within arm's reach and safe, and I had work to do. There was no rest for the wicked.

Now I geared myself up for round two with that harridan– Mrs. Bishop. She was going to chew me a new body part by the time she was done with me. I dialed her number.

"Hello," the gruff voice answered.

"Mrs. Bishop, ma'am, this is Edward Cullen."

"I know who you are, bless your pointy little head. What are you doing bothering me? Did you lose Bella already?"

"No, ma'am. She's here with me at our apartment asleep in the other room. I have a story to tell you."

"Where is the apartment? I have some of her things to get to her."

"It's that new complex on the East side, River Oaks. We're in unit five."

"Fine. Can you tell me why would I want to listen to anything else you have to say, young man?" That woman was impossible. She goes from polite to a bulldog in two point five. Maybe someone needed to up her meds. I could not imagine what Bella saw in her.

"You have every right to doubt me, Mrs. Bishop, but ma'am, this concerns Bella's welfare. I need your help."

"If you tell me a load of donkey dust, young man, Bella will be the first to hear about it."

"Yes, ma'am, I understand. I wouldn't lie to you." Much. Okay fine. This time.

She harrumphed. "Well. . . I do like stories. Does it explain why you've been such a horse's ass?"

"As a matter of fact, it does."

"Then let's have it, son."

When I was done recounting my story she said, "Looks like you got yourself into a fine mess, you and that family of yours. I still can't believe you all just dropped Bella like that without a word. You have no idea of the suffering you put that child through."

I stammered, "I realize that. I'll get you proof that I'm telling the truth within twenty-four hours."

"Well, assuming you_ are_ telling the truth. . .I never did like that Eleazar. Always got the feeling when talking to him that I needed to have my hand on my wallet because he was too smooth. Don't get me started on that piece of trash he married."

"How do you know Carmen?"

She snorted. "I did her hair for 20 years. She's about as pretty as the face on an iodine bottle and mean as a starving snake."

"That sounds about right," I said.

"Son, I don't agree with what you and yours did to Bella. Not at all. You could have left a message with me, or someone else that knows her. I watched that poor woman pine over you and mourn for months. Now you're going to have to reap what you've sown."

I wasn't dumb enough to tell her that–since she blurted things out on television–that I'd trust her with information that I only planned on having in the public. Instead, I said, "I know. I love her so much. I'm trying to keep her safe. I would do anything to earn her forgiveness." That seemed tactful. True, too.

Mrs. Bishop asked, "That man you shot at the hospital. Is there any truth to the rumor that he is the one who made her lose the baby?"

"Yes."

She harumped. "Figures you'd miss and leave the yellow-bellied bastard alive. You need to come over so I can show you how to hit things properly when you shoot." She could insult my character all she wanted, but my shooting? That was mean.

"I left him alive so we could ask him questions and find out why he attacked her in the first place. He's in the hospital, Mrs. Bishop, with severe burns to his face that will require surgery. I'm not even sure if he can see."

"Don't matter none. He doesn't need to see to die. I want his head on a stick. You didn't see what he did to her. I did."

Thinking about the ghastly ordeal that man had put Bella through raised my blood pressure. I had to force myself to focus. "Ma'am, respectfully, you're going to have to get in line. You aren't the only one who wants a piece of him."

"I'm right proud of Bella for tossing coffee in his face. Girl's got a great head on her shoulders."

"That she does." She'd get no argument from me on that.

Mrs. Bishop changed the subject abruptly. "You forgot something about the sheriff."

"What is that?"

"Remus Rey might be kin to Eleazar, but he's no fool. He's got an election year coming up, and he hates Carmen something fierce. He's not going to do anything extra to help her out. Not if he can help it."

"I see."

"Also, I play bridge with the mayor, county tax assessor, Mr. Banner–who owns all those car dealerships–and a few other people that can make or break him. I'll see what I can do tomorrow to put a bee in the sheriff's bonnet. I'll get right on that rumor-mongering for Bella's sake. Tell Bella I'll be seeing her soon." She hung up without another word.

That woman was just as scary unarmed, kind of like Atilla the Hun with heels hiding a poisoned sword behind the back. Even better, she seemed to be just as well connected as my mother. By the time I was done with them, Eleazar and Carmen would never know what hit them.

I peered out the window at the empty parking lot guarded by whispering pines, ignored the faint whining of the dog next door, and sat down on the floor by my sleeping sweetheart. Her arm dangled from the bed and rested on my shoulder. I kissed her hand and went back to work on my laptop as the shrieking wind outside acted as a harbinger of an approaching storm.

Next chapter is almost finished. It will end EPOV and then we get back to BPOV. Expect fireworks.

Please review. :)

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><p>Wanted to put out some recs.<p>

If you like one-shots:

Invisible by Viridian6 is a NMAU http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7640358/1/

If you only read completed stories:

Magnetic by cupcakeriot is a completed sci-fi piece. If you like Written in the Stars, you should like this story http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7724528/1/

Master Race by Babette12 http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5488416/1/

Ladder to the Sun by Rosybud http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5479529/1/

If you like wips:

Snowbound by Edward's Eternal http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/7899180/1/


	12. Chapter 12

Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture. AH ExB

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media. Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.

**Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, tweeting, the posts at ADF and Twilighted, and the PMs. **

**Many thanks to LJ Summers, detochkina, prettyflour, and jmolly for the beta assistance. Thanks as well to KristinHazzard, Twilover76, EternalSummer79, MuttNFeathers, and pomme_de_terre for pre-reading.**

**Thanks as well to the lovely ladies at The Lemonade Stand, TheFicWhispererRecommends, and 18+Twilightfanfics. **

**This is the last chapter from EPOV. Really *blinks***

**AN: Shout-outs to all the War Eagles. I had Edward grousing about them in this chapter as a shout out to my father (who went to LSU) and is still sulking over the 1999 beating ya'll gave his team - that and I think it makes Emmett all that more interesting that he went to that school. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Twelve: Let's Give 'Em Something To Talk About<strong>

I heard tapping at the door, and went to let Emmett in. His alma mater, Auburn, was playing tonight and he had the school's obnoxious colors on.

He waved at his shirt, "I wore this just for you, big guy. I know how much you love Auburn."

"You look like a rotten pumpkin exploded." I snorted before becoming serious. Emmett flipped me off. I said, "Thanks for coming over."

"No problem. How's she doing?"

"She's having nightmares and is somewhat combative."

"So she's arguing with you again and winning?"

"Yes."

"Go, Bella," Emmett joked with a raised fist. "You going to tell me where you're going?"

"It's better that you don't know in case something goes wrong."

I saw through the window that Jasper's car pulled up outside.

"Okay, man," Emmett said, his face suddenly grave. "I'll be here watching over her."

"Thanks. I don't know that you'll need it, but my gun is on the table."

"You haven't left that around Bella, have you?" Emmett sounded aghast.

"No. I have a gun safe and she doesn't have the combination. I keep it nearby lately because things have been so crazy."

"Got it. Sorry. Didn't mean to overreact." I waved a hand dismissively and said as I walked out the door, "Forget about it."

I got into Jasper's car. "Ready?"

Dad said, "I am. This has been a long time coming."

I asked, "Where's Mom?"

"She's with Marcus, and perfectly safe. Let's take the back way in." Good thing Jasper had a four-wheel-drive truck. He turned off the lights on his car and we relied upon the moonlight and our memories to guide us down the bumpy dirt road.

Dad said, "Stop here. We have to walk in."

Eleazar had assigned Jasper to work in the warehouse. I asked him, "So you're sure no one else will be there?"

"Auburn's playing now, and they're all football nuts. Eleazar gave everyone the night off since he knew they'd skip anyway." He took a bag, hauled it over his shoulder, and we walked single file behind him through the pine forest. In the dim moonlight, I could see our breath fogging into silver trails in the air it was so cold.

Eleazar had built a lab out of corrugated metal on the edge of a forest. He'd put a basement in it as well, and used workers from another state. No one local knew about this place. The land we crept across was owned by Aro and Cicy, well, by whoever was their heir. They died without children. We'd grown up hunting on the land, so walking on it at night wasn't too much of a challenge. We found the building dark and silent as we'd hoped.

Dad said, "Eleazar thought having it out here in the country would protect it, so he didn't need a security system."

Jasper said, "What a moron," as he unlocked a door.

We walked in the building and I noted the stacks of bottles waiting to be boxed and whistled. "How much do you think all that is worth."

I said, "More money than you and I will ever see. He's been stockpiling these drugs for months."

It took us ten minutes to set things up. We spread an accelerant all over the place and trailed it outside the building a good ways.

Jasper pulled out a square Zippo lighter, crouched near the ground, and said, "Get ready." We moved farther into the forest. I kept wanting to turn and look over my shoulder to make sure the fire caught, but Jasper pushed me and said, "Keep going. If we miscalculated and that blast is bigger. . ." Duly noted.

When we were two miles away in Jasper's truck, we all heard a massive explosion and saw it light up the sky.

"Now that's a sight for sore eyes." Dad smiled in admiration. We all jumped at the roar of another explosion. I heard whistling and looked up to see the sky illuminated by shrieking streamers of fireworks.

"How did that happen?" I asked.

Jasper laughed. "Seeing as it's illegal to set them off in this county, I thought I'd give law enforcement an extra reason to get out here. You know how much the sheriff hates fireworks."

"Yeah, but you had them in the backpack, right?" I asked him.

"I did."

"That's an awful lot of fireworks for one backpack to hold." I craned my neck as a spectacular blue one exploded on the night sky.

Jasper explained, "I've been smuggling them into that building for weeks and hiding them in the basement."

Dad laughed. "Good move."

"It's Independence Day," Jasper said. "Aro and Cicy, that was for you."

"Do you think we'll ever find their bodies?" I asked.

Dad shook his head, "No. I'm sure Carmen got rid of them. We can still hold a memorial service for them both and put a plaque in the family plot."

My mind played snippets of the film Eleazar made of them dying. I shut my eyes to try and get it out of my head.

Jasper must have had the same problem. "Have you heard anything about that Vrabek guy?"

Dad answered, "I've been keeping tabs on him. He's recuperating, but he won't be leaving the hospital any time soon. He's contracted secondary infections. The police say he's not talking at all when they try to question him."

We drove back into town and passed the howling fire trucks on our way.

Jasper asked, "Are you sure they don't have other warehouses?"

"They might," I answered. "But from what I understand, this was almost all of the product they had stored here because they thought it was safe. So now they don't have much money, and they don't have the ready means to get more."

We approached Eleazar's neighborhood, and parked a few blocks away from the duplex he and Carmen shared. As we walked down the street, I could hear people cheering the game. Everything seemed so normal, it made me feel twitchy.

Jasper asked, "Do we know for sure the house is empty?"

"Yeah, we do." I checked my phone. "Carmen and Eleazar are at a party with a friend who just texted me that they're both there."

Dad said, "I have a suggestion."

"What?"

"Why don't we split up? Edward, you take Eleazar's side, Jasper do Carmen's. I'll stand lookout, we'll have less chance of getting caught and we'll get out twice as fast."

"You didn't tell Marcus about this, did you?" Jasper asked me.

"No way. I'm not going to confess breaking and entering to a law man. I'm not that dumb."

We pulled into the parking lot of a church that was a block away from Eleazar and Carmen's duplex. He lived on one side, and she, the other.

For his age, Dad was remarkably spry. He, Jasper and I jumped over the back wall, and put on latex gloves before we entered.

Carmen had horrible taste but very nice dogs that were delighted to see us, and Dad in particular. They were also quiet on command.

She had decorated her apartment in the nauseating combination of Pepto Bismol pink and canary yellow. I stood on a bright pink shag carpet surrounded by rubber trees and cacti and gawped as I walked past a hot pink leather sofa surrounded by ornate gold and crystal floor lamps.

I said to Dad, "Check out the decor." I pointed at a frame. She had pictures of herself all over the place – mostly cheap-looking headshots that looked twenty years old. Several paintings hung on the wall of dying bulls and gored bullfighters.

She had unmarked bottles of pills in the medicine closet over the bathroom sink. I took a few of each and put them in a bag in my pocket so I could find out what they were.

My friend at the party texted me that Eleazar got a phone call that made Eleazar and Carmen look upset and that they had left in a hurry. They should be busy with the fire for a while.

Above her computer monitor, she had a family portrait we sat for five years ago. Thick black X's marked each of our faces with apparent concentration on my mom and Bella. It unnerved me to see that; to imagine her working at her computer and smiling while seeing our faces like that was creepy.

It didn't take me long to find what I wanted in her study. I copied the information using her computer and burned a new DVD. Just because I could, I accessed their accounts again and had Carmen give twenty-five thousand dollars to Paul Vrabek and fifty thousand to the Friends of the Library. Lights flashed as a car pulled into the driveway downstairs.

I peeked out the window. They were home.

I heard my father in the other room, and whispered, "Dad! We've got company."

He said, "They must have decided to stop here before going to the fire."

"Don't care. We're getting out of here."

I'd never moved so fast in my life. I helped Dad over the wall, and made my own climb and landing right as a panicked Jasper took a flying leap and barely missed me.

Ripping off my gloves and stuffing them in my pocket as we moved, Dad, Jasper and I hustled back to the car. Jasper drove us to a Starbucks cafe that had free wi-fi. We sat across from each other as I powered up my laptop. Aside from us and the staff, the place was empty.

"Edward." Jasper seemed hesitant about something.

"What?"

"We really should all be together. It's safer."

"I can't force Bella to do that. She's not ready to see the family. She can barely stay in the same room with me. I've hired guards to watch over Mom and Dad tonight."

Jasper said, "You know that stuff we heard about um. . ._ him _saying Bella's name?"

"Yeah, I'm trying to get that out of my mental Rolodex." I shuddered.

Jasper appeared queasy. "Eleazar's bedroom. . ."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Do you remember that photograph he arranged for Dad's fiftieth birthday?"

Dad asked, "You mean the one that had Bella and Esme in it? Bella was eighteen? That one?"

"Yeah, that the one." Jasper shook his head. "Eleazar paid someone to paint it. He has this huge painting of Mom and Bella on the wall opposite his bed so he can look at it when he's lying down."

It took effort, but I held onto my temper. "He's going down." I held out my fist.

"Agreed." Jasper bumped fists with me.

Dad sat quietly, lost in thought.

We heard a throat clearing and glanced up to see our guest had arrived.

"Gentlemen, thanks for inviting me." Caius was the station's manager for the NBC affiliate in town.

I answered for us. "Thanks for coming. We have something very disturbing we want you to see."

He grinned. "You're making my day."

I put the disc in and turned down the sound.

"Aw, Jesus." He grimaced and looked away for a second. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yeah. It is. It's proof that Aro and Cicy Volturi were murdered by Eleazar and Carmen Rodriguez. Vrabek helped, as you can see. Those two gave the orders."

"Have you turned this over to the police?"

"We will after you broadcast what you can of it. And I'd greatly appreciate it if you pointed out in your piece that the sheriff has an election coming up and the public would love to see how he treats his cousin and Carmen."

Caius smirked. "You're mean enough to work in my field. I've got to run and get going on this. Thank you." He set speed records leaving the cafe.

We dropped Dad off at the hospital so he could drive home, and hurried back to the apartment. Emmett was in the living room watching TV with the sound turned off.

"How'd it go?"

"It looks promising."

"Is this about that asshole that attacked Bella?"

"Partly, yeah. We've just done our best to make sure he goes to jail for a very long time."

Emmett smiled. "Remind me never to piss you off, Cullen."

"How is she?" I walked to the doorway of the bedroom. "It's almost time to wake her up again."

Emmett stood and said, "That's my cue to leave. Bella didn't make a peep. You owe me a story when I see you next."

"Me, too, on the leaving part," Jasper said. "Give Bella my best, okay?"

My phone chirped. It was Caius. "Legal has cleared us to show an edited portion – a non-graphic segment. We start in about fifteen minutes."

I locked the door after Emmett and Jasper left and turned back to the bedroom. Bella had managed to tangle herself in the comforter.

"Peter. Run!" she said.

I shook her awake again.

"You were dreaming again. I know how much you hate nightmares."

"What did I say?"

"You said Peter's name. Can you tell me about him?"

Warily, she studied me. "Why do you care?"

"He matters to you. That makes him important to me."

"I'm not awake enough to talk about him right now."

"Later then?"

"Maybe."

I moved the small television into the bedroom and turned the volume all the way down.

Bella asked, "What are you doing?"

"I've noticed you don't like sleeping in the dark."

"Yeah. So what?"

"I thought I'd leave that on."

"Okay." She closed her eyes. "As long as I don't have to hear it."

An hour later, I watched with the closed captions turned on as the first local news segment aired. Eleazar and Carmen were never going to know what hit them, and the sheriff should be having an apoplexy by now.

Caius texted me, _"The phones are ringing off the hook from outraged viewers."_

Aro and Cicy had been well-known and loved in the community.

Nothing works so well as the machinery of a Southern town when you have a common enemy in sight. Mother and Father both spread the word that as much as it pained them to have to say it, Eleazar was ill, and his ex-wife had mismanaged the business' money. They couldn't account for millions of dollars of their clients' money. Regretfully, my parents recommended that the good residents of our town should take their business elsewhere.

Jasper called. He took after our mother in the social butterfly status and had decided to work face-to-face on our campaign.

"What's up?" I could barely hear him over the noise of a crowd and music blaring in the background.

"I'm at Willy's bar. People are already going crazy about Eleazar and Carmen."

"Excellent."

"Yeah, this is the third place I've stopped by. Hey Bubba! How's Margie Sue? Give her my best," he said to a deacon from our church and then continued, "I've been listening to them shout in the cell phones messages that they left for Carmen and Eleazar to return their money. Some of them were, ahem, quite colorful."

"I bet."

"I'm going to stop by the Country Club, and then I've gotta go head for Mom and Dad's. Watch yourself." Jasper hung up the phone.

I hacked into Eleazar's email. His password was my mother's middle name.

The angry emails furious clients sent him, in particular, were entertaining to read. Carmen's in box should have been smoking it contained so many scathing emails.

So far, my plan was working. By the time I was done with them, Carmen and Eleazar would have no clients, no money to pay an attorney, and they'd be rotting in jail.

Sheriff Remus Rey called ten minutes after the broadcast. "I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Aro and Cicy were mighty fine people. I'm on my way over to arrest Carmen and Eleazar."

I didn't expect him to call that quickly. I said, "Eleazar needs to go to the hospital as soon as possible."

"Yeah? That rumor about him being sick is true?"

"Yeah it is. I don't think he knows, though."

Sheriff Rey asked, "How can he not know? Wouldn't he get a rash or something?"

"Some people start out with mild symptoms, and Eleazar has eczema and refuses to see doctors. He could have explained it away."

"But the rash would stay, right?"

"No, it would clear up. You can literally have that disease for decades and not know."

"How did you figure this out if he hasn't been tested?"

"One of his past sexual partners was diagnosed with the condition and told me about it." I wasn't going to mention Angela by name.

The sheriff sounded surprised. "She didn't tell him?"

"She figured he knew since he gave it to her. They aren't exactly on speaking terms now. She was too scared to give his name up when they asked for her prior sexual partners."

He grunted. "Figures. So you're saying that this illness is behind what he's been doing?"

"Yes and no. There's some evidence that Al Capone's behavior was fueled by the same condition. If it progresses far enough without being treated, it causes people to be paranoid and act out. King Henry VIII had it, too."

"That's the fat guy with the turkey leg in his hand that killed a bunch of his wives, right?"

"The very one."

I could hear more sirens in the background of the call, so I guessed he was driving up to the fire. Sheriff Rey asked, "Now what is the thing I need to tell the doc to check Eleazar for?"

"Neurosyphilis. Better have them check Carmen, too." I doubted she had it, and she'd shriek at the indignity of being examined, which was an added bonus. "Just tell them to run a nontreponemal antigenic test."

"How bout I just have the doc call you?"

"That would work, too."

"Damn shame about Aro and Cicy. Well, you keep an eye out until I find Eleazar and Carmen, you hear? Things are a little crazy right now until folks settle down."

"Yes, sir. Goodnight, sir." We ended the call.

I went into the bedroom.

"Help me," Bella whispered in her sleep. I reached out and touched her hand. She closed her fingers around mine for a second before letting go.

"I promise."

I checked the ammunition in my gun and sat down on the bed beside her to wait for the break of day.

The sound of something shattering startled me into action. One second I sat on the bed watching Bella's face, and the next shards of glass sprayed the room like drops of diamonds. I lunged towards Bella and grabbed her as I rolled to the ground, putting the bed between us and the window. She yelped as I yanked her behind me, and I grabbed my gun.

I held up a finger to my lips. She rolled her eyes and gave me an expression that looked like, "Who me?" She followed that with a narrowing of her eyes that didn't need words to tell me she thought I was a moron.

Crouching, I moved to the broken window and peered through the Venetian blinds.

I heard nothing but the wind. A maroon brick painted with odd symbols lurked on the carpet - the choice of missile of our late night visitor. Thank God it hadn't been a Molotov cocktail.

I wanted to help keep Bella calm, so I whispered, "This is the second time this month someone has thrown a brick through the window. That's why I moved the bed. They should go away now like the cowards that they are. You're awfully calm considering how scary that was."

Bella didn't meet my gaze when she said, "I got used to sleeping lightly in Africa."

Tires squealed as a car made a speedy exit from the parking lot. A mockingbird trilled on a river birch tree outside.

We remained huddled close to the carpet. "See? Just like last time," I said. "Don't wo–"

The gunshot scared the hell out of me when it came.

**Next chapter is Bella's POV.**

**Please review!**

**Stories I'm reading:**

**My Wounded Soldier by counselor**

**My Biggest Mistake, My Greatest Salvation by Lyricalkris**

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><p><strong>References:<strong>

For more on syphilis: http:/health (dot) nytimes (dot) com/health/guides/disease/syphilis-tertiary/overview (dot) html

http:/goaskalice (dot) columbia (dot) edu/late-stage-syphilis

For more on Al Capone and syphilis' influence on his behavior:

http:/www (dot) crimetimes (dot) org/08a/w08ap4 (dot) htm

or you could read:

Neurological correlates of high-risk behavior: A case study of Alphonse Capone," Kathleen Brewer-Smyth, _Journal of Neuroscience Nursing, Vol. 38, No. 6,_ 2006, 442-6.

For more on neurosyphilis:

http:/alzheimers (dot) about (dot) com/od/typesofdementia/a/neurosyphilis (dot) htm

For more on Henry VIII:

Ailing, aging, addicted: studies of compromised leadership by Bert Edward Park

To see how the fear of syphilis played out in paranormal fiction:

http:/www (dot) ntnu (dot) edu (dot) tw/acad/rep/r98/h980003-1 (dot) pdf


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen - Great Balls of Fire**

**Story Summary: In the aftermath of her divorce, a heartbroken Bella Swan looks for danger to give meaning to her life. If only her hot ex-husband would stay out of the picture.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot of the Twilight Saga are the property of its author. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media.**

**Copyright infringement is not intended, nor will I ever make a dime from this fanfiction. So there.**

**Thanks to LJ Summers, detochkina, prettyflour, jmolly for the beta-ing. Many thanks to GinnyW_31, muttnfeathers, Kristin Hazzard, twilover76, and eternalsummer79 for the pre-reading.**

**AN: The subject of the death of a child occurs in this chapter. **

**At some point in this chapter, someone is going to tell a lie. A big one.**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

The scent of Edward's cologne comforted me until all hell broke loose.

The lamp to the right of me exploded into clay shards and I might possibly have screamed loud enough to burst Edward's eardrums. As we took cover, I felt burning on my cheek and clapped a palm over it. I could feel my heart racing. The scent of my blood brought up bad memories and I tried mightily to block them.

Edward whispered, "Are you hit? I smell blood." He sounded panicked.

"No. A shard from the lamp hit my face when it shattered. It's not bad."

"Okay–"

"Get out here, Edward!" Carmen yelled from the parking lot. In all the years I had known her, I'd never once heard her raise her voice in anger. The short hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I felt the rage I had pushed away when I'd heard of Aro and Cicy being murdered surge within me.

I'd fantasized about what I would have liked to see happen to bring justice for my relatives. I couldn't reconcile the saccharine woman that existed in my mind with the one that screamed like a harpy outside. But I could identify with her at least on one thing - the men in our lives made us resort to firearms –or desks –or hot coffee –whatever– to get their attention.

If I had to guess, Edward knew more about Carmen than he admitted, because he quickly went from panicked to calm.

Speaking of attention, I noticed Edward was awfully quiet, considering someone had just taken a shot at us. Fingers flying, he tapped something into his phone. I could not believe at a time like this the man was fiddling with a gadget - in the dark. I admit I actually gawped at him for a few seconds in silence before turning my eyes toward the broken window. And he had the gall to think _I_ was nuts? Some people. The rage and the fear combined to create a tight band that squeezed my chest. I could feel the dark of the room crowding in on me.

I saw a boomerang that Edward had bought as a souvenir on our honeymoon in Australia sticking out from a box. For a fleeting moment, I actually smiled, remembering the days we had spent there, how passionate we'd been for one another, how close. I was tempted to use the boomerang but had no talent for that particular weapon. With my luck, I'd probably club myself to death. My kingdom for a desk. Images of my baby cropped up like land mines. I thought I heard a whisper behind me and jerked my head –and found nothing out of the ordinary.

The smell of my blood and the slick feel of it on my palm, the sight of the shattered glass from the window gleaming in the dim light turned my wistful ruminations dark. I hadn't felt this distressed since the night I lost the baby. The images from my past became overwhelming and I succumbed as my mind dragged me kicking and screaming down Memory Lane.

_I gingerly wiped at the tears on my throbbing face. "I want to see my baby."_

_Emmett said, "Okay, but first I need to ask you some questions. Those are some bad bruises you have on your face and arms. Bella, someone clearly worked you over. I need to make sure that you are safe. I should report this to the police."_

_His grave face moved in and out of my blurred vision. _

"_No police," I yelped. _

"_I have to ask, did Edward do this?" He wore this expression like he contemplated doing violence to my husband. It alarmed me. _

"_No, he's away with the rest of the family. I fell, Emmett. Honest."_

_I picked up my phone and dialed Edward's cell. "I'm calling him now." _

_Emmett's pager went off, making me start in fright. He cursed. "Bella, I have to take this. Stay here until I get back."_

_I had a private moment in the chaos of the room as no one paid attention to me. It took all my courage to call my husband again. He was going to hate me. This was all my fault. I cringed when I heard his voice mail. Again. "Edward, I'm so sorry." I started crying. It was difficult to talk. "I lost the baby last night. Please come home. I need you. I can't do this on my own." I broke down completely before I could say anything else._

_My phone never rang. At first I thought it was because I had one of those roaming triangles showing on the screen when I was in the hospital. I didn't really pay that much attention when a nurse told me they had a room for me._

_Emmett came back and said, "You're sure you want to do this?"_

_I had no idea what he was talking about. _

"_Do what?"_

"_Maggie asked you if you wanted to see your baby."_

"_Oh. Yes."_

_I saw an empty rocking chair and almost wanted to crawl right back out the door. I changed my mind when I saw a crib._

_My hands reached out and I whimpered. Emmett helped me get in the chair and handed my baby to me. It felt like someone had dipped him in ice; the cold permeated through the blanket. My abdomen was tender, and I couldn't hold him in my lap. So I held him against my breast instead, using my arms as his cradle - the only one he'd ever have. _

_He was born in the pitch dark. He looked much smaller than I expected. I never got to see his eyes open, to see him recognize me, to hear him coo. He was so tiny and so cold. I clutched him to my chest, rocking back and forth, saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby." He didn't feel like my child. He felt like a hard plastic doll I had played with as a child. I felt awful for even thinking that as I clutched him to me. No amount of tears woke him up, though. Somewhere in my shattered heart lived the futile hope that God would grant me a miracle and my son would open his eyes. But God held His tongue, and I continued to weep. Where was my family? Didn't they care about the baby? Who attacked me? Why? What had I done to deserve this? _

_Emmett put his arm around me. I leaned my head against his shoulder and sobbed. _

"_I'm so sorry, Bella."_

_His pager went off, again. Emmett gently said, "I have to take this," and rushed out of the room. _

_I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
>"My name is Maggie. You stay here as long as you want, honey. Then I'll take him. I promise I'll take good care of him." I waited for what felt like hours for Edward, Mom, Dad, Jasper, anyone to come. They were all well known at the hospital. Finally, I gave up when I was nodding off holding him. I feared I'd drop the baby. What kind of mother would that make me? Edward wasn't coming, and I was too stunned to even cry over it. I'd given the baby all my tears. I handed my child to Maggie and said, "I want to go home."<em>

"_You'll have to talk with Dr. McCarthy about that and he's in surgery."_

"_Maggie, have you ever lost a baby?"_

"_Yes." She gulped. We both heard the singing from Christmas carolers that were wandering around the almost empty hospital with holiday cheer. _

"_I'll sign myself out AMA. My family will be there for me." I lied through my teeth. "I'll have two doctors watching over me. I promise. They're on their way back from out of town."_

"_Mrs. Cullen?" Sheriff Rey leaned against the doorway._

"_Y-yes?" I stuttered. _

"_You want to tell me what happened?"_

_I had to think fast on my feet, and I'd never been good at that. I remembered my attacker's voice as he threatened to kill me if I talked to the police. I believed him. If Edward found out what happened, he could get killed too._

"_I fell down the stairs and lost my baby." Tears coursed down my face. Sheriff Rey backed up a step, in obvious discomfort at being in the presence of a hysterical woman. _

"_He and my family are out of town with Eleazar."_

"_I'm going to have to call him."_

"_Please don't. I need to break the news to him myself. Eleazar will vouch for him and my family. I fell, plain and simple. I wish I had someone to blame it on aside from me." _

_Sheriff Rey dialed his phone._

"_Are the Cullens with you? All of em? Okay fine." Heart thudding in my chest, tears running down my face, I pleaded with my eyes. I put my hands together as if I were praying. Sheriff Rey sighed. "Nah, just wanted to ask Carlisle a question. It can wait."_

_He turned to me and said, "My condolences, ma'am." He left as silently as he arrived. _

_It took half an hour of wheedling before Maggie gave up and I signed a stack of paperwork that I never bothered to read. I just wanted to leave. _

_I didn't have a coat, but I still had my slippers. Maggie arranged for one of the nurses to get me a pair of scrubs, and helped me dress. I finally managed to sign myself out AMA. She wheeled me to the back exit, so I wouldn't have to see anyone. The usually bustling halls were odd looking dripping in decorations with no one in sight. Maggie wheeled me to a cab, quietly pleading with me to rethink my decision. The driver rushed to my side when he saw me. _

_Maggie whispered in his ear. I saw his smile wilt._

"_Bella, this is my husband." _

_He choked on the Merry Christmas that had started to come out of his mouth and gulped. Voice cracking, he said, "Let's get you into a warm car." _

_He drove me home, didn't bother me by trying to engage in a conversation, and refused to accept money from me as he walked me to my front door. When I walked inside, I noticed the television was gone, along with Edward's stereo system and the DVD player, too. The tile floor in front of the staircase had been cleaned. I could smell the tang of chlorine from where someone had used bleach._

_Fingers trembling, I slumped into the sofa and tried Edward again. It went straight to his voicemail. I called Mom and left her an hysterical message. She'd always been there for me. When time passed without a call or a single car driving by, I lost it. I saw the brightly wrapped gift I'd made for the baby and snapped. _

_I used one crutch like a club and batted down the Christmas tree until it lay shivering on the carpet. I hobbled to the garage and came back with a small set of pruning shears and methodically cut it to pieces. Like a corpse on a bier, only the bare trunk remained with stubs where branches once had waved. _

_Our tree had been covered with wooden ornaments from Germany. I couldn't bear to look at them; I found Edward's favorite hammer from his tool box. I smashed every ornament, one by one, making them all beyond repair – just like me. Edward was never going to forgive me. Heck, I would never forgive me. I picked up another one. Five survivors smirked at me from the floor._

"_Bella." I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and turned with the hammer raised. Mrs. Bishop had a lot of strength for someone her age. She held my hand immobile in the air._

"_I spent the past hour looking for you at the ER. What are you doing out of the hospital?"_

"_The baby's gone," I sobbed._

"_I know, honey. I'm so sorry. Where is Edward?"_

_I had to tell someone. I couldn't hold the pain in any longer. So I gave her the part of the truth I felt safe confessing. "He left me three days ago. He won't return my calls. Neither will anyone in the family."_

_She sounded shocked. "Does he know what happened?"_

"_I've left him several messages. I called my Mom too, and she didn't answer, either."_

_Mrs. Bishop got on her knees by me. She handed me an ornament – a big smiling Santa. "Here. You have five left. Let me see you swing." _

_I smashed it and the four others Mrs. Bishop quietly handed to me. In the aftermath, the only thing I could hear was my panting and sobbing.  
>Then I looked around for something else to destroy. I didn't care about the wooden shavings on the carpet. I felt Mrs. Bishop's hand on my arm.<em>

"_Bella, child."_

"_Yes?"_

"_You are not alone, and I'm not leaving you here. I found your medication. I'm going to give you something for the pain, and then you're going to come and stay with me, okay?"_

"_Yes ma'am." I didn't really care where I went. It didn't matter. I just wanted to get out of that house. I didn't bother calling my family and telling them where I was going. Clearly, they no longer cared. My whole body felt like one big festering wound. Pain medication would be nice. _

_She shuffled upstairs, and I heard drawers slamming. Mrs. Bishop had my silver suitcase packed rather quickly for someone her age. She all but picked me up off the floor, stuffed my good arm into my coat, while draping the other side over my shoulder to keep me warm. She led me like a lost child over to her house._

_When I got inside, I felt better. She didn't have a single Christmas ornament up. _

"_Thank God."_

_She asked, "What?"_

"_No Christmas stuff around."_

"_I'm Jewish. I married a man who happened to be Christian with the last name Bishop. So no, I don't celebrate Christmas."_

"_I never will again." I dissolved into a mess of tears and sobs. I had never cried so much in my life in the past five days. Mrs. Bishop held me in her arms and patted my back._

_It took me a while to stop. Then she covered me with a blanket and sat in a chair by me for the rest of the night. Every time I heard a car drive by, I couldn't help but have a part of my heart hope that it would be Edward and my family. They'd help me. That's what families do, right? And every time I was disappointed, a little part of me died. I tracked the passage of time by the painkillers she gave me. I insisted on holding my cell phone in my good hand, willing it to ring. It ignored me. I drifted off into a miserable sleep wishing devoutly that I'd never wake up, hoping she'd leave the pill bottle where I could reach it. I had nothing left to–_

I came back to the present, startled by a warm hand on my shoulder. I felt at the padding on my chest as I heard the sound of Velcro.

"What?"

"It's a bulletproof vest." Edward stroked my cheek and said, "Please stay here, Bella. I've got help on the way. I have to talk to Carmen."

"Edward, she's got a gun."

"She needs me alive. I'll be careful."

"Please don't go."

"It's the only way we'll get out of here. Trust me."

I could tell by the stubborn set of his jaw that he'd made up his mind.

"Okay." My voice sounded flat to my ears.

"Get out here or I'll start shooting again!" Carmen shrieked. The sound echoed across the complex. I hoped the other neighbors were calling the law.

I said, "She sounds unhinged."

Edward stood with his back to the wall and peeked through the blinds every few seconds. He called out, "What do you want?"

"I want to know what you did with my drugs!"

"What drugs?"

"The ones that were in the warehouse. I know you sold them before you burned the place down."

"I didn't burn the warehouse down, Carmen. That sounds like something Eleazar would do, though."

"You did what?" I furiously whispered. "Did you set her warehouse on fire?"

Out of the side of his mouth he quietly answered, "Well, technically _Jasper_ started the fire. We wanted to get rid of their way of making money." Before I could answer, he shouted, "I'll come out and talk to you, though."

For a second, I feared he was going to kiss me, he stood so close. I felt his hand running down the back of my head.

"I love you, Bella. Stay here where it's safe. I'll be right back."

He walked out of the apartment slowly with his hands raised. He asked, "So, Carmen, was anyone hurt in the fire?"

I took this as permission for me to move to where he had stood by the window. He had been perfectly safe there. That was totally fair.

Carmen's face twisted into an ugly scowl. "Who the fuck cares?"

"Is Eleazar okay?"

"He outlived his usefulness." She stared off into space and said, "This wasn't supposed to happen this way, but I can fix it." Carmen seemed lost in her own little world. I wondered if Edward realized how irrational she sounded.

Even on his best day, Edward was clueless with most women. But with someone deranged? I worried for his sake.

He asked, "Fix what?"

"Your father and I are supposed to be together. You and Jasper and Bella are the ones standing in the way of our happiness. I just need you three dead and Carlisle will come to me. He promised." Her voice sounded like she was reading off a grocery list. It was spooky. I wondered where the pod people were.

"When?" He sounded baffled.

She giggled. "He and I don't need words to communicate. We're soulmates. I left red roses on his mother's grave, and he wore a red tie the next day. We were always meant to be. That was when I knew he wanted me to kill Aro and Cicy. I did it for our love." Languidly, she ran her fingers over her mouth, like one would do after being kissed. She wore a dreamy smile like the Emperor's new clothes. "Get on your knees."

She said that so nicely. My hands shook at my sides. I wanted to leap on her, gun be damned and beat her senseless –and then do it all over again.

I had no idea how he stayed calm. Edward had his arms up in surrender. "Can you please explain something to me? Where does my mother fit into this?"

"She can have Eleazar. He's been crushing on her for years."

Edward said, "But I thought he was dead."

"Beggars can't be choosers," Carmen trilled. "So I guess she goes as well."

What the heck did that mean?

Tapping her shoe impatiently, she continued, "You're beginning to irritate me. Where are the drugs?"

"I don't know." Edward held out a hand, palm facing forward in supplication. "I would really rather get a promise from you that you leave the rest of my family alone in exchange for me helping you find the drugs. My family has suffered enough."

"They can't live. I'm sorry. This is how it has to be," Carmen answered in a sugary voice. She sounded like she was about ready to pull out _Goodnight Moon_ and read him a story.

Edward was about twenty feet away from her. I could see he had his gun tucked in the waistband at the small of his back. I waited for her to shoot one of us. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I calculated how far I was from her. I tensed and prepared to spring.

From out of the darkness a familiar voice sounded, "Nice party you have going. Mind if I join?" I felt relieved when I saw him. Alec definitely was good to have around in the worst of times.

"Who the fuck are you?" Carmen hissed.

"My name doesn't matter," Alec said. "Put the gun down before you hurt yourself." He stepped forward. From this distance I couldn't tell what type of weapon he had, although it clearly was a gun. Damn, his voice sounded cold. If that were me in her stilettos, I'd have dropped the gun and scurried off into the pine forest. But I was a wimp here cowering in the dark.

For a second I caught myself hysterically giggling that this would be a great lesson about family feuds Southerners for Jane and Tanya. I expected someone to ask Carmen if they could call her minister to come out and counsel her any minute and put the fear of the Good Lord back into her. This was so much more twisted than the Hatfields and McCoys. Posers.

A sneer from Carmen captured my attention. She targeted her weapon on Edward. Alec stood directly behind her. I didn't see how she could cover both men at once.

She called over her shoulder to Alec. "I'll give you five million if you let me kill them and be on my way. I'll even let you keep Bella. You'll just have to help me kill the rest of the family."

Alec studied Edward like he was seriously considering her offer.

"No, thanks." Alec sounded bored.

"_Miss Bella!" _I heard a small voice cry out. Where did that come from? It sounded like one of my kindergarteners. I didn't know any of them lived in the complex.

Carmen's sneer brought me back. "Why? That's an outrageous amount of money for you to do absolutely nothing but mind your own business. Six million and it's my final offer."

She seemed not to notice that the entire complex could hear her making a devil's bargain.

"_Miss Bella!" _The voice sounded like it came from a warped record now.

"I don't make friends easy. Bella's irreplaceable." Alec shrugged. "You can shoot Edward if you want."

That Alec. Always a joker.

"Gee, thanks." Edward chuckled. "I knew there was a reason I didn't like you much."

Then I heard a whisper, calling my name. A different one. The very sound of the voice sent chills up my spine. I spun around looking for him. The man who attacked me, Ugly Eyes, he was in the apartment. I was getting out of there. I'd rather fight him in the open. As I rushed out of the apartment, though, I didn't see any trace of him. My breath came in gasps and my hands shook. Maybe I imagined it? But it sounded so real.

I stood to Edward's left, just out of his reach. I didn't bother speaking to Carmen, but I sure gave a great bitch face to hide my fright.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward sounded nervous, for once.

Defensively, I answered, "I was tired of sitting and watching. If you two can be out here, so can I."

Her gun resembled the second hand of a broken clock. It kept wavering from him to me and back again.

"So sorry to hear about your baby," Carmen slung that at me. I could feel the blood draining from my face as her words cut me to the bone. I saw Edward flinch as if struck before his eyes hardened. So I did what I did best. I kept my mouth shut and nodded at her.

"Well, well, someone has grown up and put on her big girl panties. I expected you to be in tears by now," Carmen jeered. "Too bad Vrabek didn't succeed in killing you, too. Good help is so hard to find these days."

I started sobbing. I could hardly believe that someone could be so evil. What had my poor baby ever done? The world narrowed to Carmen's sneer.

Alec shuffled his boot against the oil marks on the concrete.

"Now you've just given me another reason to kill her. Put the gun down and I'll make it quick." She moved her hand and Alec said loudly, "Pull that trigger and you're dead." She looked away for a moment, and Edward drew his weapon.

I had never seen him so angry. A voice inside me warned that I needed to calm down or it would distract Edward. I bit my lip to keep from wailing.

Carmen studied Edward like a rabid dog trying to decide where to bite first. "Don't you point that at me, young man," she chastised Edward.

"I won't let you hurt Bella," Edward retorted. "But I would totally understand if you took a shot at that guy." He pointed to Alec.

A streak of lightning split the night sky. I felt tears land on my face as it started to gently sprinkle.

"Yes!" She crooned, "Carlisle, baby, I'm coming for you soon." Wait. None of us had said anything to her and that was her response? Carmen was one french fry short of a Happy Meal.

I stared into her eyes and found absolutely nothing of the woman I had known growing up. This person before me had pitiless eyes like the rebel soldiers that fiendishly preyed on children: soulless.

Edward had never dealt with people like that. I had. I had to protect him.

One second Carmen stood there studying both men, and the next thing I knew I heard two shots followed by a scream. Mrs. Bishop's car came barreling around the corner and skidded to a halt, hitting Carmen. She went flying and landed hard on the hood of the car before rolling onto the concrete. One of her Louboutins landed at my feet; its red sole captured my attention. Then everything around me went black.

The electricity to the entire complex went out at once. We were out in the country and, without the lights, it really did seem pitch black. I started to shake. I felt like I was alone in that house with that animal that beat me and killed my baby. I thought I heard his voice again.

I shook myself to clear my mind.

Alec turned on a small flashlight and clicked his tongue at the moaning woman.

Alec looked at Edward and said, "You missed."

"No I didn't. I shot her in both kneecaps. It's awfully painful."

We all heard a loud clap of thunder nearby.

Mrs. Bishop opened her car door and said, "God help you if you scratched my paint job, Carmen."

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked as he kicked Carmen's gun out of her reach.

Mrs. Bishop looked down her nose at him like a schoolmarm at a failing student. "Did I not end our last conversation by telling you to tell your wife that I'd see her soon?"

"You did."

"Now's soon." She crossed her arms and said, "Besides, I had to do something. You yahoos," she pointed at Edward and Alec, "looked like you were trying to _talk_ her to death." She wagged a finger at Edward, "You still need shooting lessons. You couldn't hit the broadside of a barn."

In the distance we all heard the sound of sirens approaching the complex.

"Seven million," Carmen pleaded with Alec. "Carlisle needs me."

I couldn't imagine Carlisle being unfaithful to Esme. I still shook with a nauseous combination of rage, fear, and grief.

Alec said, "Give it a rest, lady. I don't want your money."

"Everyone has a price. I just haven't found yours, yet."

She started wheezing as the sheriff pulled up. Remus Rey used to visit my kindergarten class and explain to the kids about Stranger Danger. The smile he wore as he studied Carmen looked nothing like what I recalled. He left his car door open to give us some light.

"Carmen, darling, you have some explaining to do."

She gasped, "I want a lawyer." Blood streamed down her face from a cut in her forehead and she acted like it wasn't there. I could see the blood pooling from her knees and the scent and sight of it – I shook my head.

"Duly noted," Sheriff Rey said. "You're under arrest. We'll have to see if the public defender's office can help you out since I heard you're as now as poor as Job's turkey." He noticed the weapons the men held. "What's with the guns?"

"She shot up their apartment and threatened to kill Edward and Bella," Alec answered. "Her aim seriously sucks."

"_Miss Bella!"_ The voice now was crying. No one else paid attention to it.

Edward extended the gun to Sheriff Rey. The snapping of a branch in the woods nearby made me jump. I nearly wet myself from fright when I saw Ugly Eyes smirking at me from the forest. He crooked a finger at me. He had his other hand squeezing a terrified Peter's shoulder. Then I heard the cry of a baby. My baby could not rest in peace until that man no longer walked the earth. I didn't care if I had to die to see it done. So I snatched the gun from Edward's hand and ran like hell for the forest to kill that monster once and for all.

Eleazar and Carmen could no longer hurt anyone. I no longer had a reason to be here. I didn't run from Death. I ran to Him with arms wide open under the cold December sky.

"I'm coming, Peter."

I had to save him. That's what mothers do.

I didn't get five feet before it happened. Hard arms wrapped around me and lifted me off the ground.

"What are you doing?" Edward whispered into my ear. He held me, my back to his chest like I weighed nothing. Somewhere along the way he took the gun.

Ugly Eyes yanked Peter's arm and whispered, "If you talk, you die. He does too." And like that, they vanished into thin air before my disbelieving eyes.

The last thing I heard was Peter's wail.

Staring into the thick forest, I gulped and said through a paper dry mouth, "I thought I saw someone. It was nothing."

**Wonder what's up with Bella? She'll be getting help next chapter. **

**Please review. And rec me some good stories.**

* * *

><p><strong>I'm reading The Viking's Woman by LifeInkognito<strong>

**Into the Wild by Miss Baby**

**The Blood Wars by frostflower314**

**References**

For a hilarious explanation of the phrase, "poor as Job's turkey," see:

http:/www (dot) word-detective (dot) com/2008/11/18/jobs-turkey-poor-as/

For more on the Hatfields and McCoys:

http:/www(dot) wvculture (dot) org/history/crime/hatfieldmccoy01 (dot) html

In Richard III, he says, "A horse, a horse. My kingdom for a horse. I decided to play with that here.

http:/www (dot) enotes (dot) com/shakespeare-quotes/horse-horse


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